Starting a journal finally, and am having difficulties moving my relationship forward

Everything has been going pretty well with my girlfriend. I know for the most part what she needs from me in dialogue and I am working through those issues. We have been having amazing sex a lot and it feels right. I feel like an energized person again, I haven't felt like this since I was a young teenager. Things feel like they are falling in place with work and dedication.

 

I am writing again after some time. My girlfriend and I have good days and bad days like everyone else who exists in a relationship. We had a nice Thanksgiving where my parents, her mom, sister, cousin and husband and nephew were there. A small crowd but everyone got along extremely well. For the most part everything has been going well except she wants me to do more for my recovery which I don't blame her but my thoughts have been very good and I have been keeping my mind on achieving stuff instead of the PMO crap. I think a lot about all the unnecessary energy I put into this and I wasted a lot of time and effort. I guess to I have been focusing my mind on things that are going to help me and my SO and that is what I intend to keep doing. I won't let the naysayers get in my way and I just need to do what is best for me and my SO. I am trying to work on saving money to buy a house hopefully in Maine because the prices and a lot cheaper than where I live now and the one we have been long at is $55,500.00. I know I can make that money but there are always obstacles. Me and my SO have disabilities which make it hard to try to make money on a daily basis and being on SSD is tough too because they let you work and make next to nothing and then throw you the hell off the rolls. I initially applied for disability when I was diagnosed with osteoporosis and fractured my back 3 or 4 times and I wasn't even doing anything. I was reading denial letters upside down and the government saying that I can work. I got an attorney who helped me out a lot and she said I was in the worst category, a white male under 30 with no kids. If I was a different color or had kids things would have been different. That is when my thoughts about the system changed a lot, and not towards the good side if you know what I mean. Anyway, everything is going good now and I have some other stories about the system that I will get into at another time. I have been having clean thoughts and no PMOing as mu number down below indicated. My girlfriend and I have sex a couple of times a week and I tend to cum once a week on average, I wish it was more but that where it stands right now.

 

I am coming up on a year of no PMOing and have been feeling a lot better physically and mentally than I have in a long time. My SO is scared that I will relapse and have to show her that I really mean her well and the last time was the last time.

 

My SO and I have been doing pretty well with each other. My most recent problem has been having a hard time staying erect during sex. Yesterday and the last few times here and there it has been happening. Am hoping it gets better as time goes on. Everything else has been holding strong and have been for the most part satisfied and getting more out of life.

 

Today has been a year and it has been getting better with my SO. I need to be more open with her which I am still working on. I have been feeling great but my SO has been still having issues that I have to deal with to comfort her and to show that I love her which I do, and adore very much.

 

I am finally trying to get back into this journaling thing as my gf needs to see more as in my head I am doing extremely well. My thoughts are clean and I need to share more and be more open with my gf. It was her birthday yesterday and we had a nice dinner and sex later which was great but a lot of times I still go limp after awhile. I think too if I get distracted during sex my dick goes down and I have to start all over again which I find annoying. I saw a bug I had to kill before continuing which worked out but still annoying. We had a quiet holiday which we like and try to avoid the craziness of the hustle and bustle of the masses and their consumerism. Anyway, I am doing better, a lot better, and have to find ways to show my gf that I care and love her and want us to be good in every way.