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Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by OneSadYear, Jun 26, 2017.
You would need to hold firm to them if not they might not have much impact.
We have a list.... Buuuuutttt my guy is "that list guy" lololololol
Gotcha. By the way are you comfortable with this conversation? I know singles are not always welcome in here
I have ideas but feel afraid to express them
You are welcome to express your opinion. That's why we are all here. To help and support each other. No one has all the answers or we wouldn't be here so opinions are good. Unless @OneSadYear feels differently I do t want to answer for her.
I believe you said you said you have been a good wife during this period does that include physical affection
Oops, I didn't realize that I had missed replies on this post. Drewdee, if that question is for me, I'm really lucky in that my husband and I are hugely affectionate all the time. We are friendly and snuggly in day to day stuff as well as really close and loving in the bedroom.
I'm actually the one mostly responsible for his last relapse. I didn't really realize before just how much of a part I played.
He had been porn free for several months, claimed that it had beensuper easy to quit, that he didn't miss it at all, and that he understood all my reasons for not wanting porn as part of our marriage. He promised me that he woukd let me know if he was tempted to relapse, or if he relapsed. Even so,I was always worried that he'd be missing it and was hyper-vigilant to try to be the perfect wife and create the perfect sex life so that he wouldn't be tempted. I found a pretty fun instructional os video clip that we enjoyed, and I asked him if he was tempted to watch porn because of it, and let him know that I still hated porn and didn't want it to lead to that. He went through a bit of a phase where he was losing his erection. Since I was still so insecure, I didn't really know how to deal with it, I didn't want to make it worse or make him feel awkward, so once when it happened, I pulled up a purposefully goofy, cheesy, unatractive porn clip. It did the trick, and he regained his erection, which was good in the moment, but which I regretted later. I let him know that I was still anti porn, and that I hated the thought if him getting aroused over any woman's body but mine, but because I didn't want him to know how screwed up I still was in my thinking about our sex life, insecurity, etc, I probably wasn't clear enough. So, once the porn mag fell unexpectedly into his hands, it was easy for him to convince himself that I was okay with it, that my thinking about porn had changed. Plus, I'd recently given him some hits of his porn drug.
However, I wish his inner voice of justification weren't so strong and that he'd have been able to think about the conversations we'd had, rather than just convincing himself so easily that it was okay.