Starting all over again

[martin]

Hello Everyone.

I’m 25 and I guess I’ve been masturbating for about 15 years, at about 3 to 4 times a week. In my early teenage, I imagine I had gone weeks and months without masturbating, only because I had forgot about it.
I started watching pornography when I was 16 or 17 and for years I was addicted. Last year, it occurred to me that these habits are really affecting my personal life. I was depressed, and was severely criticizing myself over mistakes in life. Watching porn and masturbating had become ever more compulsive, and I thought I was corrupted beyond any hope.

I quit watching porn last August and went several months ‘clean’. Of course, in a sexualized media I was constantly being hit with overtly sexual images. However during this period, I never actively browsed for any pornographic content, and I never masturbated in front of my laptop. That would be a big achievement in itself, and personally I found more confidence when I could quit my habit of smoking for 6 years.
Despite this, ‘no porn’ never actualized into ‘NoFap’. Quitting masturbation – I realize is entirely difficult, but I am still not giving up. Frankly speaking, i am very agitated over this habit - because the very nature of it, the compulsiveness, seeking for excitement - I ended up masturbating over porn. This happened once, someday a few weeks back.
Now that I have started to realize how my habits are controlling me, I must admit my self-esteem is affected.
I’ve tried to quit innumerable times. Even while I was a teen I resolved many a times not to masturbate. Now in the past few months, I have restored the ‘resolve’. This habit is long ingrained into my memory. One I must break free of, and so will I (hopefully xD).
In any case, I don’t hope to claim victory overnight. I expect to fail again.
Fellow member, look forward to your encouraging words. I am very motivated having found this forum, I plan to post at least once a day and wish to be honest about my progress. I look forward to networking with anyone and everyone serious about quitting this habit.

Hopefully, we all can overcome this issue!

 

[Ulick Myers]

Martin
Thanks for sharing your story and for your comments on my own situation. I can relate to a lot of what you say.
Since I discovered this site and www.yourbrainonporn.com just yesterday I have already learned many new things about the whole issue of porn and masturbation and I think more new learning and interacting with others over the coming days and weeks will help me get to grips with things (no pun intended).
I don't have a huge problem with the act of masturbation itself. I believe it is healthy and can help to relieve sexual tension. But when porn is thrown into the mix it's a different story. It then becomes an issue of compulsion and loss of self-control. This is where my problem lies and I would venture yours does too. When I can't concentrate on my work because I feel the need to look at a porn site or a site advertising prostitution services and then masturbate, then it is clear that I have a problem that I need to deal with. If I could cut back masturbation to 3 or 4 times a month and only fantasize about real women that I knew personally, then I would be much happier.
Just thinking about it as I type here, it is similar to many other addictions. Some people can enjoy a few beers but they know their limits. Others can't control their drinking and turn into alcoholics i.e. addicts.