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Starting day 1!

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Mr.pants, Sep 13, 2016.

  1. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    Good job getting through the day. This might be the biggest hurdle you ever have to get over. During your detox period you have to use whatever distractions you can find to get through the day. It's more important to get passed the physical dependency stage than to process emotions. If you can do both then that's great. We wanted to make sure you weren't going to get slammed as soon as you came home from work. I found that some of my distractions lost their effectiveness and I had to switch to others. Be ready to switch to another if you feel vulnerable.

    The desire to get rid of the pain can override everything else. Even the most dedicated person can relapse when faced with an overwhelming wave of discomfort. But you got through it! That should give you confidence that you CAN get through ANY future challenges. Keep going to your toolbox of new coping skills because you know they work. Stay aware and be strong.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2016
    Ted Martin and WifeInTheDark like this.
  2. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    Day 19

    Yesterday was great. It felt great not tempting to the dark side the night before. A small hurdle in the grand scheme. It's getting a little easier to pass time I find now. As long as I am busy I find it easy to keep my mind focused. I have plans this weekend too which will occupy most of my free time. Starting to get out of this funk so I need to start doing things instead of sitting home alone.

    Urges are coming more often but I am also starting to get a little more creative with passing the time. So far haven't given in. If I can resist not giving in a couple nights ago I feel like I can do anything! Fog is starting to lift. On the plus side I find myself more emotional, but at the same time I also find myself getting upset at the smallest things for no reason. That will take some self control. Hopefully I can see when it's happening and practice patience.

    Day 19 I got this!
     
    i_wanna_get_better1 likes this.
  3. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    Day 20

    Well another successful day! Coming up fast on 3 weeks. Last night went surprisingly easy. Almost a little too easy if you ask me. But at the same time I hungout pretty much all last night with my mom. Anytime there is even a hint of an urge just look over at your mom. Urge killer!

    Tonight is going to be tough though. I have to meet up with my ex to discuss issues with the separation. We have had little to no face to face contact since evidence of my relapse and I know tonight will suck. I have to face my problems head on though. I will keep you guys posted.

    Not much planned today except a long relaxing day off with nothing but football! I was supposed to meet up with my friend for coffee again today but he had to cancel. I am disappointed because I enjoy our weekly rituals. It feels good to talk and open up to someone face to face who also knows the struggles of addiction.

    Almost 3 long weeks! Day 20 I got this!
     
    i_wanna_get_better1 likes this.
  4. Ted Martin

    Ted Martin Fapstronaut

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    First off, you made me laugh out loud...literally...with that mom comment! Second, well done on recognizing the fact that you were going to be dealing with some difficult emotions last night while seeing Ms.Pants. I hope you were, and now are, able to process through those emotions in a healthy ways instead of turning to the old coping mechanisms of the past. What's important to not isolate when dealing with those feelings. Reach out and connect with other people. Reschedule your coffee with your friend tonight if you can. It's soooo important to connect with others when you feel that pain instead of trying to numb it on your own. Keep up the good work! three weeks is a great start!
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2016
  5. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    Day 21!

    3 week mark!
    Well these 3 weeks have definitely been a rollercoaster of emotions. So many ups and downs. But we made it 21 days! Last night had some face to face contact with my ex. I was worried that the flood of emotions would put me in a hard place and make it easy to relapse. But it went better than I thought. We shared some laughs and discussed some issues that we need to we need to take care of before this split is final. I can tell that she is still hurting alot. So am I. This will not be easy but at least we are trying to have this as simple as possible. I was worried that after the meeting I would relapse but seeing her made me realize why I don't want to relapse. And with that day 20 was in the books.

    Today is another day. It's good to know that my ex and I share the same wants at the end of this. It's not the ending that I want but I hope there's a chance that we can still be friends if not at least friendly.

    Day 21 I got this! 3 week mark!
     
  6. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on 3 weeks. Recovery isn't easy while going through a break up, but it sounds like you are handling it well. It sounds like there aren't too many more meetings between the two of you. There is still something you can do that can help the both of you going forward.

    When a relationship ends without closure then it can affect both of your future relationships. Have you recently expressed sorrow and regret and apologized for what happened? An apology given three weeks ago is essentially valueless. An apology with three weeks under your belt carries more weight. You are much more aware of the damage you caused. This time, you are apologizing because you mean it... not because you got caught, or because you want her to stay, or because of selfish motives. Free her of the possible guilt of leaving or for not giving you another chance to change. Accept responsibility for your actions. Own it all. Even though it won't heal all the wounds, it could be a small gift that you give before she goes.

    Also, its okay to mourn the loss of this relationship. With all the conflicting emotions you are going through it's easy for this one to get lost. Being overly positive can mask underlying conflict. You may be okay now, but if you feel suddenly have feelings of sadness then don't repress them. You've done a remarkable job so far in handling your emotions. Again... I'm just trying to prepare you for what might happen. Stay strong!
     
  7. nofear

    nofear Fapstronaut

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    How long is the 'detox stage'? Or, how do you know when you have detoxed?
     
  8. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    I'll send you a private message so that we don't hijack this thread.
     
  9. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    Day 22

    3 weeks are in the book. I've started working out in the mornings with a guy I drive to work and am feeling great physically. Mentally is still a work in progress. The split up with my ex is going good in that it looks like we both want the same end game. We have some pets together and have already come to a mutual agreement about what will happen to them. We always thought along the same lines with those things.

    I find myself angry or grumpy for no reason once in a while now. I don't like it. Looking back at why I was upset there was literally no reason for it. I will have to make sure that I realize when this is happening and take control of the situation. I would hate to blow up over nothing.

    No urges yesterday or today so far. Nothing honestly. I heard there is a period of no possible erections or sexual desire during the reboot. Maybe this is it. Anyways. Starting another 3 weeks one day at a time.

    Day 22. I got you!
     
  10. Atomiccafe

    Atomiccafe Fapstronaut

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    I wanna get better.
    I just want to echo his admonition. I missed the part in this journey where all was lost with you SO. I wouldn't have been as on point as I wanna get better. Please dig into his words and avoid the easy way out that is despair. The apology. Please do it.

    If deep deep down you know you need to find a way to try to restore something in this relationship, find the right way to get those words out there. show your spirit even in sincere apology. ignire this but not I wanna get better.
     
    Mr.pants likes this.
  11. Atomiccafe

    Atomiccafe Fapstronaut

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    This is the straight poop mr. Pants. Agree agree. If the people you are confiding in arent helping you stand courageously in this difficukt spot and have self respect even as you mourn, you've got room for more friends. What can be reconciled?
     
  12. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    I agree totally. I have been very particular as to whom I confide in. The select few that I have talked to have been very helpful just from being an ear to listen, to helping me one on one get through this. I do realize right now is where I will find out who my real friends are.
     
    Ted Martin likes this.
  13. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    Day 23

    This just keeps going. It's actually getting a little easier each day I think. I don't know if it's from detoxing or I'm just more aware as to what I'm doing and controlling it better. Went to the therapist yesterdau again. We are going deeper and deeper elwith each visit. Making me think about things I've ever thought about before. I think quitting porn is allowing me to to think clearly on these issues now compared to when I was in reply deep. Looking back the porn has really fucked me up for most of my life. I truly believe it has sabotaged all of my relationships before they even started. I see how they were doomed from the beginning. I would always pull away and never totally give myself intimately to my partner. My mind was blown when I came to this. A large ℅ of my life was wasted. Well no more. I will not be going back to that. That revelation is just another part of my arsenal to fight this! This is making me upset writing this thinking about how my life would be different if I didn't get into this.

    Day 23. You're mine!
     
    i_wanna_get_better1 likes this.
  14. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    Day 24

    I have to admit. I have taken steps to avoid things that may trigger me and I find it now that where before I would go do things without thinking, now I have a choice and am recognizing this. It's actually getting a little easier. I am finding more creative ways to pass the time. I am going to use this to change myself and my thinking now.

    There is no chance for reconciliation with my ex. I'm upset but not angry. I have to take responsibility for my actions. I just hope we can be friendly down the road when we cross it. The urges haven't been as bad and I have been able to realize what's going on and to take steps not to fall again. I want to thank everyone for all the tips I've gotten. I've taken a little but from each and catered it to myself. Without you guys and the support I wouldn't be where I am now!

    Day 24. I got this!
     
  15. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    Day 25

    This is getting easier. So much so it's a little scary. I have put things in place to help me get through these first difficult times and they seem to be working as long as I stay busy and occupied. I have some other issues in my life right now coming into play which I won't get in to. The problem with this is I am finding I am more emotional and sometimes irritable. I'm worried that in the heat of things I might say something i will regret. This newfound rush of emotions is a blessing and a curse. I started working out to relieve this stress and it seems to be doing its job. Not to mention I feel better physically. I want this to be a habit now too!

    My original goal was 90 days. That changed when I realized that I wanted to change myself. But with keeping with that almost at the 1/3 mark of my original goal!

    Day 25 I got this!
     
  16. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    Day 26

    Wow. Can't believe it's almost been one month. How much has changed. Not just with me but within my life also. Some changes I've wanted and others that were forced upon me by my actions. Still one day at a time. No urges and no restarts. Still figuring out things about myself. The one things I know is where I want to be. Sorry guys for the short one today. Just wanted to take a minute and check in. Things are getting better. I know they won't go back to how they were but I'm still here, and still going!

    Day 26. I got this!
     
    i_wanna_get_better1 likes this.
  17. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    Day 27

    Wow this is really picking up steam. I am feeling different inside. There have been times where I've been watching a movie and there was a sex scene and it made me uncomfortable and awkward watching it. And I was alone. That never happened before. I am changing. The old me wouldn't have batted an eye watching that.

    I am finding it easier to avoid these triggers now. It's getting alot easier to recognize and choose to avoid them. Even a few weeks ago I didn't think it was possible!

    Day almost in the books. I got this!
     
    i_wanna_get_better1 likes this.
  18. Mr.pants

    Mr.pants Fapstronaut

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    Day 28

    Still going. Had some urges today. My own fault though. I got bored and online found my searches heading the wrong way. A few weeks ago and I would've been down that road without thinking. Now I find that I have a choice. And I am using that choice. Doesn't help that sex is everywhere though. Makes it that much tougher.

    Met up for coffee with my friend today. These visits are very therapeutic. A weekly thing now. We help each other. He also doesn't realize it but he's teaching me alot about myself and my addiction. I know I said that this would be a journal for myself but I find myself having difficulty writing everyday now. I do it more as a check-in for accountability. The 30 day mark is creeping up fast! 1/3 of the voyage.

    Day 28. I got this!
     
    i_wanna_get_better1 likes this.
  19. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    The first month is full of discoveries, epiphanies, and understandings. Those things can sustain you for the first few weeks but they start tapering off, and the grind of daily living starts to set in. There are other phases that you might go through and those emotions are much more subtle. Your body is no longer your biggest enemy... now it's your mind. Your mind is not done playing mind tricks on you so don't be overconfident. Keep your guards up until your new thinking/feelings/behavior become more ingrained. Remember, it's a 90 day reboot. It's still very easy to slip into auto-pilot mode and throw it all away. You've made wonderful progress and I just want you to be aware of the potential pitfalls that happen in this stage.

    Have you thought about doing something special on Day 30? You deserve to mark the occasion... you achieved something monumental... it's ok to celebrate it a little bit. Have you thought about making a 'success story' post in that folder? It would be beneficial for others to know your full story.
     
    WifeInTheDark and Atomiccafe like this.
  20. Atomiccafe

    Atomiccafe Fapstronaut

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    Strong! Congratulations.
     

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