Starting from Day 1

NewDrug

Fapstronaut
Just checking in after a relapse of sorts - fell into PM 2-3 days in the last week (had a 2 1/2 week streak going) and caved in last night after spending a good deal of the day just edging. So I'm now tired, hung over and disappointed but trying to push through and stay optimistic. Interestingly it seems like its always 2 weeks that I end up PMO'ing (looking back at my calendar where I keep track).

The shitty thing about this (I guess I can also see it as a huge positive) is that yesterday I also had sex with my girlfriend and O'd, and I've seen an unsurprising connection between having sex and then taking a porn chaser afterward while my mind is already in that excited / weakened / post-coital state. The whole point of my reboot is to improve every aspect of my life and have significantly more (and better) sex with my partner, so it's really frustrating to have the thought of sex with her tied to a relapse afterward. Again, I'd been watching porn before the sex (so it kind of felt like I O'd to porn), but it's even happened when I've been on a streak with absolutely no porn.

...And the positive is that I was able to hold out long enough to actually have sex with my girlfriend (which was brief but fantastic and a 1,000 times better than the screen) instead of caving right before it happens. Nothing frustrates me more than PMO'ing after 2 weeks and having her ask if I want to have sex the day after. So despite the problem with needing a chaser after sex, I'm trying to focus on the fact that I was still able to prove to myself how much better sex is than porn - gives me something to fight for. I always wonder how long it takes to rebuild (physically) what I gave up after a relapse. With one sex O and one porn O, I'm thinking 3-4 days and I'll be close to where I was beforehand. Any thoughts? I know it sounds stupid quantifying it like this, but it does help me and, as many of us on here know, the positive effects of semen retention are very real and there does seem to be a specific amount of time involved for them to take effect.

Any thoughts are appreciated - I could really use them right now.
 
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