Starting small and trying to just reach 7 days

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Archenl, Oct 1, 2015.

  1. Archenl

    Archenl Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I prefer not to say my name yet because I feel ashamed and not ready to release that information to everyone yet. However, If I manage to find a partner I will gladly and respectfully exchange names and contact information with them. I have been exposed to porn and nudity as early as 5th grade. From there my life just kept going down hill. I'm a 21 year old male living in New York who is at the worst stage of his addiction. Before I didn't believe in masturbation. I would just watch pornography without doing it. It's not until recently I began to intentionally do it. It's been about three months since i began to masturbate and with each time I feel more and more numb, depressed, not confident in myself, weak, tired, hate, anger. There are times where I just want to scream, but where would I go to do that. People will think I'm a mad man. I'm afraid to tell my friends about this because this is indeed my deepest and most darkest secret. The longest I went without pornography was 99 days, and my viewing and addiction has worsened since that day I slipped. There are times where I even feel suicidal. I don't even have the confidence to look or even talk to this girl I met. I don't really know how to sum up how I feel with words any more. I sound over dramatic, but this feels good writing this all out and expressing to a group a people who are going through the same thing I am. I never thought I would ever be depressed and here I am today just crying my eyes out. I can't focus on school, I cut out days from the gym, I have become more lazy, I can't sleep a night, I just feel like a pathetic excuse for a human being for being addicted to pornography and constantly viewing. I'm supporting a human trafficking and rape industry by doing so. But yea, if anyone around my age and is feeling the same way would like to be my partner, I would gladly accept you with open arms. I would prefer a male over a female, not because I'm being sexist, I just feel more comfortable with another male at the moment. I honestly don't think I have it in me to tell another female what I am going through. Anyways sorry about the long essay. Let me know if you want to be my partner.
     
  2. Jimb0

    Jimb0 Fapstronaut

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    Hello Archenl. Just to put things in perspective, you said that you only fapped for the last 3 months? Compared to a lot of people, most of us have been fapping for years! What you go through is no doubt tough, but can be defeated with some good support and the right mindset. I'll be happy to help you get through this. I will PM you.
     
    Archenl likes this.
  3. MadHatter

    MadHatter Fapstronaut

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    Welcome aboard, @Archenl !
    So good to have you with us!
     

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