Starting small and trying to just reach 7 days

Hi, I prefer not to say my name yet because I feel ashamed and not ready to release that information to everyone yet. However, If I manage to find a partner I will gladly and respectfully exchange names and contact information with them. I have been exposed to porn and nudity as early as 5th grade. From there my life just kept going down hill. I'm a 21 year old male living in New York who is at the worst stage of his addiction. Before I didn't believe in masturbation. I would just watch pornography without doing it. It's not until recently I began to intentionally do it. It's been about three months since i began to masturbate and with each time I feel more and more numb, depressed, not confident in myself, weak, tired, hate, anger. There are times where I just want to scream, but where would I go to do that. People will think I'm a mad man. I'm afraid to tell my friends about this because this is indeed my deepest and most darkest secret. The longest I went without pornography was 99 days, and my viewing and addiction has worsened since that day I slipped. There are times where I even feel suicidal. I don't even have the confidence to look or even talk to this girl I met. I don't really know how to sum up how I feel with words any more. I sound over dramatic, but this feels good writing this all out and expressing to a group a people who are going through the same thing I am. I never thought I would ever be depressed and here I am today just crying my eyes out. I can't focus on school, I cut out days from the gym, I have become more lazy, I can't sleep a night, I just feel like a pathetic excuse for a human being for being addicted to pornography and constantly viewing. I'm supporting a human trafficking and rape industry by doing so. But yea, if anyone around my age and is feeling the same way would like to be my partner, I would gladly accept you with open arms. I would prefer a male over a female, not because I'm being sexist, I just feel more comfortable with another male at the moment. I honestly don't think I have it in me to tell another female what I am going through. Anyways sorry about the long essay. Let me know if you want to be my partner.