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starting to see p/m as more than an addiction

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by end_it_for_good, Nov 7, 2018.

  1. end_it_for_good

    end_it_for_good Fapstronaut

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    So,

    I had a relapse after a year. I've been in recovery for this for 10 years. I've never been able to get long term recovery.

    I'm starting to see this as maladaptive sexuality instead of a true addiction.
    I've had addictions. You just quit them, deal with some of the underlying feelings, find replacement activities and move on. I've done this multiple times with multiple addictions.

    Porn and masturbation are different. they are like food. I want sex in my life. I want connection. P/m is just a shitty substitute. I have a lot of problems with dating and anxieties around women. I'm seeing how it's not just about abstinence but dealing with the underlying experience of feeling cut off from women. When i've been in relationships this thing more or less goes away.I'll go months with no porn or masturbation. When i have an active social life and dating life even without sex, this thing more or less goes away.

    I think i've been thinking about this perhaps the wrong way. I don't regret doing all those meetings in saa and the step work, etc, but at this point i'm seeing how it's not an isolated issue, but instead a complex social sexual disregulation.

    I'm tired of trying to get time against p/m. I want to focus 90% of my time towards building a life, not trying to abstain. Cuz, after this many years... frankly it's not working
    and i'm beginning to doubt the model of sex addiction. I think I've used it in the past for emotional regulation, but the only emotions i use it for now are romantic frustrations now. So it's getting simpler. Get better at romance. Manage my emotions, try to not focus on the behaviors, but fill my life so much that there isn't room for it.

    I'm still going to do some of the recovery stuff, and abstinence stuff, but it's a totally different program. It's no longer about counting time, it's about shifting my energy and focus outwards towards something better.
     
  2. Personally if I were single I'm not sure how I would continue. I would want to get through the reboot and then move on with my more healthy and stable self in hopes and working towards finding someone to share my life with. Sounds easy right?
    I just want to say, well done on what you have accomplished already and I hope you are able to move now towards what you want.
     
  3. end_it_for_good

    end_it_for_good Fapstronaut

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    for realz. i'm just tired of trying to control a natural urge. i need a healthier outlet. i think so much of me being obsessed with this activity came from sex shaming from my youth. now that i'm working through that, i'm not seeing sex/porn/masturbation as bad in and of itself. i'm just seeing the physical and arousal issues with p/m and the health consequences. other than that, i'm becoming a lot more sex positive.

    i'm going to reconstruct what i do with my life. def not into trying to make 'urges' go away. fuck that at this point, i want those urges and i want to use them towards women instead of wasting my time jacking off by myself.
     
  4. There you go brother.
     
    end_it_for_good likes this.

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