Starting today! Please read info if you experienced Brain Fog, Intrusive Thoughts, Depersonalization

Hi, so about 4 years ago I was confident 15 year old boy, but I felt ugly. So I decided to kind of cut off socializing until I change my appearance. It was basically about building muscle, eating right foods, researching a little bit how to improve these things and so. But I cut off from socializing, It's because I wanted, u kno, some BIG change, so everyone gets surprised. But god damn it, I spend most of my time with my parents. First weeks I was really motivated and working out, maybe jerking two times a week, then next week every other day, slowly I was loosing interest in working out. Or I would fool myself that there is enough time still. I was basically depleting my social life. Then it got more and more of jerking, and less and less of even communicating with my mother or father. Then high school started and I had to socialize but I was so disapointed in myself that I developed anxiety and then roller coaster started where I would jerk off despite anxiety I had these days in school, going next day in school would be even worse. The only relax part would be when I get home. Spent days procrastinating and so, and then suddenly, panic attacks in school when I had to do something, waking up next morning with weird sensations and stuff (depersonalization) and still fucking jerking off, I did not even realize that I was not even feeling the orgasms. Over the time I visited psychiatrists who thought that I was psychotic because I was describing dp in an unusual way. Brain fog built up over time, and I was STILL fucking masturbating every single day. Spent three years in mind terror. Now let me tell you all that DP is not disorder or something outside there, mind block, intrusive thougths, brain fog... It is the the way you conditioned your brain to function, atleast that is what I think. I was reading a lot of spiritual things also and took them so wrongly and was spacey about it, kind of mind playing trick about it on me, and bullshit. I don't know if you guys believe me that you got yourself into this habit of thoughts and behaviours (who have these bullshits) but I will for myself. So I am here now deciding in front of all of you being abscent from PMO for atleast month. I am also after that willing to prolong this on year, and eventually get myself girlfriend and never ever fuck anything that is not her. Or them ;D