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State of Flux

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by BigCatTunski, Feb 27, 2020.

  1. BigCatTunski

    BigCatTunski Fapstronaut

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    It’s been a couple months since my ex girlfriend and I broke up. It breaks my heart to know that the reason why we broke up was because I wasn’t being the man she wanted. I’m placing blame on no one, but I won’t act as if I didn’t slip up when we were together.

    She’s expressed that she wants to get back together, but I don’t think I could do it. Knowing that I was a less than ideal boyfriend to her, I love her too much to put her through all of that again. She deserves better, and I need some time to be a better man.

    someone asked me if I could be a better man to her, and I honestly couldn’t answer. As awful as it may sound, the only things that I can remember when she crosses my mind were the arguments that we had. Even when we were on vacation together, we ended up in an argument.

    In a way, I guess I’m thinking about myself as well, because I wouldn’t want to put myself through constant arguments with someone. Arguments are bound to happen, but with us, it was almost as if we argued at least once a week.

    In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think we’re good for each other. It pains me to say, but I would need to face the truth. And as much as we may love each other, we deserve much more than constant arguments. Which leads me to a much larger point...

    I’m at point in my self improvement journey where I’ve grown tired of being single. On one side, I’m telling myself to tough it out and keep a tunnel vision. On the other side, I’m just tired of being by myself. This puts me in a state of flux, because I’m debating just going back to my ex, despite only the tumultuous past we shared coming to mind. And overall, I know I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.

    I’m also scared that I’m never going to get out of the funk of loneliness and I’ll end up being on my own forever. I’m just not sure where to be as of right now. I don’t like straddling the fence, either. I need to pick a side and trust in it.
     
  2. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    I really felt the " I’m telling myself to tough it out and keep a tunnel vision." haha. But if you truly don't believe you are ready for a relationship, there is nothing wrong with being single. It doesn't mean you'll be alone forever at all, even if it seems that way at first. I believe to an extent you need to be content with yourself before entering a meaningful relationship, if you don't believe you are at that point yet, keep working on yourself, its okay.
     
    Dexter Moran likes this.
  3. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    The mindset of of being scared of ending up alone may make you feel like getting back with her. This is a unhealthy way to look at it. I know you mentioned its been couple of months. You will need to figure out yourself first. The fact that you have doubts and are afraid of getting hurt is a red flag. You will need to take some more time, possibly cut off all contact with her for couple of more months and work on yourself. Focus on improving yourself. Eventually when you have cleared your mind you will know where to take it from there.
     
    BigCatTunski and Candun like this.
  4. Tell her that you want to avoid contact with her for 3 months. Arrange a time and place to meet. When this time has elapsed.
    You need to concentrate on yourself for now. Both of you will have a better idea about your true feelings then. You can either resume your relationship or say goodbye. Good luck and take care.
     
    BigCatTunski likes this.

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