Staying Celibate Until I Find the Right Girl

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Rationaliser, Jun 2, 2020.

  1. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    I was about to write a big essay about this but I don't think that's worth my time.

    I'm 21, and although people consider me a fairly attractive guy, I'm a virgin who's always been single and hasn't touched a girl in anything more than a friendly way. I didn't get a girlfriend when I wanted to, and by the time I moved to Canada, I'd decided not to have a relationship because it wouldn't work and I'd just get hurt.

    Being off of PMO could make that story different, but not by much. Any relationships I'd get into would end up in a mess with a 100% certainty. The main reason behind the failure was my anomalous personality.

    I've searched far and wide IRL and on the internet but haven't found anyone else with that seed in the mind that makes me who I am. I'm not going into detail about what the differentiating factor is. All I can say is that I've never found someone even sufficiently compatible with me. Not just girls, but everyone. All relationships in life went dysfunctional to me, even with family. I have no one I love, and I'm absolutely okay with it.

    I've never found that person who has that fundamental personality difference from all people like I do. I know it just sounds like I think I'm more unique than I am, but know that I wanna find someone like me. I've been looking but I haven't found them. I know that when I do find them, I'll know shortly after speaking to them that they're the one.

    I don't want a full array of people who are like me. I just want one girl. One who has that seed, one who's attractive to me and I'm attractive to.

    I'm abstaining from PMO, dating and any encounter with a woman that I'd wanna have with my dream girl, until I find her. The Law of Attraction makes more sense to be true than the universe does to be random. I will manifest her.

    It's my day 34 off of PMO and I've gained absolute control over it. I'll be back in this thread when I find her.

    Update: A lot has changed in the last 10 months. Read here.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2021
  2. Zeeshaan

    Zeeshaan Fapstronaut

    Getting a woman is a byproduct of success in Nofap.
    You become a pure strong magnet.
     
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  3. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

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    its so funny to read. if you just knew how many people think the same of themselves as you do, you would come to realize that you are perfectly normal.

    also, you bullshit yourself in multiple ways.

    1. at 30 days you dont have it under full control, as people with 180+days dont have it under full control.

    2. to say you have no one to love and you are ok with it is just your way of repressing your emotions. this is never good, and might be a reason for your "abnormal personality". you have a pressure built up by those repressed feelings, and the normal, healthy way would be to let it go, to release it, to feel it. instead you put a lock on top of it and decide to rationalize yourself to death. sooner or later you will break. you will form psychosis or neurosis, if you dont have them already.

    you are not so special as you think.

    @edit: also, what the hell do you mean by you are looking. are you looking for a girl under a rock? under the carpet? one does not look for such things. girls are not an end in itself. as long as you dont get this you will never be happy, nor will you find someone who will really love you.you might find a girl thats looking for safety or just a relationship so she isnt lonely, but in those cases it wont be love but selfish reasons from the girl. grow up dude.
     
  4. I'm The Chosen One

    I'm The Chosen One Fapstronaut

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    There is no such thing as a dream girl, but you can turn yourself into a dream man.If you are a quality person, there will be quality people in your environment.But this is not exactly the same as what you are talking about.If you don't change your mindset, you will suffer a lot... And yes grow up dude.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2020
  5. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    I would actually get into discussing the points made here if they had any bit of rational basis. All they're based on are hasty assumptions about myself, my reboot, my mindset and my goals. I know I didn't provide enough detail for anyone to safely make bases for such arguments, but that doesn't mean that you can fill in the blanks using your perception of generalities about human nature.

    I'm absolutely open to someone changing my mind about my beliefs and my approach or to making me "grow up" if they're willing to avoid guesswork in order to push opinions. I don't see that here yet.
     
  6. False promise

    False promise Fapstronaut

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    How will it affect your life if you never find said “dream girl” ?
     
  7. brod2018

    brod2018 Fapstronaut

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    Hey congratulations on your 34 dy streak ! As the guys said in the comments, there is no such thing as the one, or soulmate or whatever disney/fantasy crap we might think happen just like the romance movies. Each individual has bad and good. Just try to stay with those that have more good than bad.

    It's true you are unique in what you like/don't like, your interests, things that you love, your dreams, ambitions, mentality... but each person on earth is unique too. That's why you could not find anybody like you yet. You just said it, you're unique !

    Try to have an open mind because each relationship is different to the other and will bring something new to you and that is the beauty of it.

    Try something new, don't limit yourself with criteria that have no meaning (example : we don't have the same type of humor, we don't like the same films, I'm not into that type of girls...)

    And lastly don't focus on one girl, roughly 49% of the world is women which is nearly 4 Billion women. Why limit yourself to get to know one girl at a time ? Meet lots of girls, appreciate each one of them for what they are, learn from them, experience with them. It's when you are deep in a relationship that you can evaluate if the person is the right person for you not when you meet her.
    And then when you find that you are ready to share your life with that person because she became special to you that's when when you can say I found the one not the other way around.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2020
  8. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    As being a lad at 32 years of age, my best advice to you is not to focus that much on women and start chasing them as that will only drain you of your energy, motivation, and drive in life.
    Remember that a woman's prime is between the ages of 18-30 (especially 18-25) whereas a man's prime kicks in a lot later (35-45+), no matter what the bogus-media out there tells you, so keep in mind that the best is still ahead of you if you play your cards well.
    Otherwise, you might settle for mediocrity in your 20's, having ruined the following 2-4 decades of your life (if not the remainder of it) like so many needy and desperate men have done in their 20's.

    Instead, focus on your career/business and build up a life and legacy for yourself for the next 10-15 years and young, attractive women will come your way as your wallet, maturity and abundance grows with it. Become that <1% of men who practices prolonged semen-retention, redirects his sexual energy correctly and become a true warrior/leader amongst men who stands out from the mediocre crowd.
    Not only will your choice of younger, prettier women be better but you will also draw lots of other great people and opportunities into your life as a side-effect.
     
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  9. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for asking. This is something I have come to terms with rationally, but not really emotionally. Reading that question made me realize that either there's a fear of not achieving what I want, or the vulnerability of someone creating that fear in me.

    There's a paradigm difference in how I perceive reality. If I still believed like I did two years ago that we had no say of our circumstances, then I'd definitely be MGTOW and wouldn't emotionally invest in the deaire for ANY woman, let alone a dream girl.

    But as I said, the Law of Attraction makes a lot more sense to me; and I'm convinced of it so strongly that I'm willing to go forward with the emotional investment and take the risk of waiting for someone who reflects what's in me, which I haven't found in someone yet (friend of potential partner).

    I'm not debating the validity of the Law of Attraction, at least not for now. And by emotional investment I don't mean that I'm praying to some God to give me the chick. I'm embodying the emotional state that I'd get if I were in the desired future, and reconstructing the subconscious mind to reflect that nature. If I'm able to feel fear that the outcome wouldn't occur, then I haven't embodied the state yet.

    I'm okay with the possibility that I wouldn't be able to manifest and would die single.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2021
  10. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    My dream of perfect compatibility is inspired by my independently validated belief that we can bend our realities, not by blindfolded societal influences.

    I never said that I was unique unlike everyone thinks I did. I just said that I wasn't able to find someone of a similar quality that's in me and that I think is necessary for compatibility. And let me drop some more info here:

    Even though I sound like I'm the picky one, it's absolutely the opposite case. I would happily go start dating any girl I've sorta-almost started dating in the past. It's THEIR needs that destroy the possibility of relationships. I want 1 thing in a relationship and they want 1,000,001. I just want love and affection, that's it. And doing something together only when there's mutual interest. But what I see everyone out there (males and females) are looking for is that both sides want 1,000,001 things from the other. Love and affection is just one aspect for them. They both have a set of parameters that they want their loved one to fit into, and throughout the relationship they keep bullying each other into fitting those parameters. All those years before I started believing in the LOA I wasn't a picky dude. I was DYING for a relationship even though I knew I was too different from the chicks I was willing to settle for. But I didn't even get to the dating state with any of them because even though there was physical attraction both ways, I didn't fit their parameters. I was always too much of the odd one out.

    Now, the fact that that I want a barebones relationship isn't that one differentiating factor that I talked about. It's a by-product of that one differentiator. Maybe I'll talk about it too if you ask.

    Now, even if I find a chick who's willing to let me be myself and exert zero control over my life, that wouldn't solve the problem alone. That could mean that she's willing to sacrifice those 1,000,000 parameters to be with me. But that wouldn't mean that she'd be happy. I wouldn't want any chick to make such a compromise for me.

    Or I could find one who wouldn't naturally HAVE any parameters by nature, just like me. That would work great. But it still wouldn't mean that she'd have that one fundamental differentiating factor. And it's always good to have similar thinking because that allows for great friendship and more time spent together in the same things.

    That's why I want someone with that one factor.

    I don't need trial and error if I can take control of my reality and manifest.

    Perfection is possible and creatable.

    One doesn't have to be in a relationship with a turtle to know that turtles aren't right for them. Exaggerated analogy, but what I'm saying is that sometimes it's easy to tell.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2021
  11. brod2018

    brod2018 Fapstronaut

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    Well if that's really your opinion on relationships and you're not joking (and I guess you're not since you took your time to write that long post and I thank you for that), I genuinely hope you'll find what you're looking for.
     
  12. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    There's desperate, needy butt-chasing and then there's fearless, wishful desiring. Just because I'm walking to the fridge to get some dark chocolate doesn't mean that I'm a sugar addict. I could want it for how it enriches my life with antioxidants--without needing it.

    There's the possibility that I find the best girl out there for myself in my early 20's. Rather than being at the mercy of belief that we live in a Newtonian reality and therefore accepting that my best chance of finding the right girl is later, I'm happy to know that my reality is in my hands and I can mould it.
     
  13. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    Okay, wow, I've changed a lot since I made this thread and the subsequent posts. I'll make an update here for anybody curious or anybody with a similar mindset to what I had when I wrote the thread.

    That streak lasted 93 days. I quit for a few months, trying to solve deeper problems in life, and after a lot of life changes, have begun a new streak that's now 60 days long. This thread has more detail about the situation.

    I gave up the pursuit of material manifestation. I still believe that mind's connection to matter (as explained by the Law of Attraction) is more probable than otherwise, but I've had new realizations about my own nature and internal desires that have shaped my life's decisions very drastically in the last few months.

    I got sick of visualizing the "perfect" life - having a Tesla roadster parked at a San Diego beach and sitting inside of it next to my girlfriend whom I have karezza sex with all the time. I lost disciplines like meditation, nutrition, rebooting, etc gradually while I got more and more tired of the visualizations.

    I realized eventually that I didn't want that life. Only a part of me had desired it. My perception of my inner needs was incomplete and incorrect. I'd believed that life was just a challenge to optimize happiness, be it through material fulfilment or mindful/meditative practices.

    I used to believe that morality was dogma and that what people considered a "conscience" was simply a set of religious/moral programs installed into the subconscious by society to make one feel guilty or proud about certain actions. I thought that I could override those and throw them away,
    I did eventually realize that I had a conscience engrained in me that was independent of indoctrination/brainwashing, and correspondently there was another variable to life that I now call meaning.

    I've been working towards finding meaning in life before happiness, and I've been the happiest ever although I'm in the worst circumstances materially. I recommend reading Man's Search for Meaning and listening about the story of Socrates' trial (6.5-minute video) to anyone who's interested.

    Also, I was being emotionally needy for a relationship at the time I started the thread. Everything that I wanted at the time was an emotional need, and I believed that I could be "happy" by being on a binge of unlimited pleasures and run my life that way. Even if I could actually get now the life that I used to desire, I'd decline it. It wouldn't be a meaningful pursuit, at least not to me.

    I've given everything up in life, told the truth to people and authorities that needed to hear it, and have stopped declining financial support from my family. I'm being flown back to India, my home country. I don't have any practical plans on starting a new life. I'm just going to let myself be guided by the voice of my conscience.

    I don't want happiness, pleasure, joy or indulgence anymore. Neither do I wanna meditate in a cave for life. I wanna change the world. And in doing so I might reach a tipping point where I end up feeling like I've done enough to just sit back, relax and finally pursue happiness. Maybe then I'll think about finding a partner. I wanna stay abstinent from PMO until I get there (if that happens at all). But in the current state of the world, I have work to do.

    The only meaningful actions that I take at this point are uncomfortable, painful, confrontational or unpleasant. But so be it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2021
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  14. J053H32n4nd32

    J053H32n4nd32 Fapstronaut

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    I should have waited for marriage to have sex.
     
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  15. Virginpaul

    Virginpaul Fapstronaut

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    zhi, I'm a lot like you in that Im good looking young guy , virgin and staying that way till i meet the right person, thats important! I don't view porn and once went over 300 days not masturbating cause i dont want to take this into a relationship when i meet the one i really click with. People think Im different but I don't mind, I'm Waiting!
     
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  16. Virginpaul

    Virginpaul Fapstronaut

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    Hi,
    I've come to feel the same way that we are here to improve/change the world and we won't find that masturbating in the shower all day! I'm setting out today to help a business where I live get ready to reopen and relaunch after the pandemic so the owner doesnt go out of business and lose the great asset his business is for the city.
    You get out and change the world too and take time to get a cup of coffee or visit a bookstore where you might just meet someone you will be friends with for the rest of your life...
    Virginpaul
     
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