Another day no PMO. 4 days away from one month no PMO. I went to an SAA meeting this morning. It had a nice turnout-about 40 people. Recovery sounded pretty good too. I don't know what it is, but I'm not totally feeling the fellowship. MAybe I'm not ready or don't want to do the work, maybe it isn't for me, maybe AA can heal all this. We talk about the spiritual hole. the "God Sized" hole and the 12 steps. Who knows. Its tough to say. I'll probably give it another try (another meeting), but Im not that into it. I am happy I have given it a shot though. I know its available and out there. My only real fear is getting into a crazy relationship, or prostitutes/strip clubs/massage parlors, or all of the craigslist sexcapades out there. And the real scare of falling deeply for a girl again, and it all blowing up, or even an STD. I want a pure full life. Today is frustrating. I am still feeling the pain of the oblique injury. It scares me. I'm at 2 1/2 weeks. I want it to be healed. I thought I was being very respectful giving it three weeks to heal and that is not looking very good right now. I have to wait. I ahve to be patient. Maybe there is a lesson or story or answer to this. I also am frustrated that I seem to be getting no results from the no PMO. OK, I will admit, its good Im not harassing any girls on FB. Im not wasting lots of time online with sex stuff. Not talking to crazy people on craigslist. And not feeling shame and guilt from harassing women through texts. Besides that, Im feeling very depressed. Bored. Lack of exhiliration or motivation. I dont find work very exciting. Girls are an outlet for me. I get adrenaline rushes from my interaction with them. And now that that is all gone, Im feeling very deflated. So, I dont get the guys who have all these posts of feeling stronger, a deeper voice, more alpha, more confident, more at ease, more social. Because I am not feeling any of that. But maybe things will change when I reach a month. Time will tell.