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Still hard

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Chudmeister, Jul 8, 2019.

  1. Question, why would a woman marry a man that is not and never was attracted to her?
     
  2. Maybe I'm backwards but that isn't a need of mine, I NEED her to pay her half of the mortgage.
     
  3. Chudmeister

    Chudmeister Fapstronaut

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    Some of us really love our wives, I for one feel terrible after I do something. When my wife hurts I hurt. I mess up from time to time. My downfall is not completly coming clean so it feels like a lie. I need to work harder on my self control
     
  4. IamOlive

    IamOlive Fapstronaut

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    Let me ask you?

    Have you ever laid in bed and listened to your spouse M in the shower over and over again?

    Have you ever been scared to open the bedroom door because you have no clue what your going to walk in on?

    Have you ever been taking care of chores and the kids while your spouse spendsh hours in the bathroom?

    Have you ever had to sit and listen to comments and comments about other women bodies? And be told that their wife use to look like that?

    Have you ever woken up to the bed shaking because your spouse is Ming beside you?

    Have you ever been having a nervous breakdown and in the middle of it your spouse ask you to fill how hard his penis is?

    Have you ever gotten an infection because of your spouses sex toys?

    Have you ever tried to have S with your spouse and they can only O to their own hand?

    Have you ever had to try and explain to your kids why their father always stays in the bathroom and telling them never to walk in the room if he is in there with the door closed? Why he doesn’t spend time with us.

    Have the feeling like you never can be what is seen on P, worthless, prude and unattractive?

    My bet is probably not.

    Stop generalizing all SOs and minimizing what we have gone through. This shit is real.
     

  5. Is that your daughter and you? Beautiful baby.

    God forbid she comes to you someday as a woman, shaking, taking anxiety meds, hair falling out, eyes red from crying so much she has no tears, asking daddy to help her. And you ask why.

    And she explains her partner has been "cheating" on her, opting to stare at pixelated women on a screen and wank one off while she's asleep. He's not helping around the house. He's staring at other women. He's making her feel so insecure she's doing EVERYTHING in her power to BECOME those fake women. She's falling apart mentally and physically.

    Tell me. When she says she has betrayal trauma and PTSD...shell shocked from flashbacks of walking in on her partner spanking one out, hearing his moans and groans. Her heart is literally weaker from panic attacks....

    Tell me. Will you give your daughter this line of bullshit?

    Or will you tell her to wait there and deal with the guy who did the damage to her?
     
  6. Honestly, my daughter wouldn't be so weak as to crumble to pieces because a guy is wacking it.
     
  7. So you plan on explaining to her to be a strong woman and guy's masturbate and that's alright to do? Don't take it personally?

    Dry the tears and woman up?

    Great parenting. Not. Horrible mindset for an addict hoping to recover with a wife and daughter.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 10, 2019
    IamOlive likes this.
  8. Masterbation is just a part of life, some people can accept that and just live their lives. Some people can casually enjoy porn and not get addicted. Just keep it moving, let's not let a simple act everyone does in the world, break us down completely.
     
  9. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I was really trying to not say anything . I’m trying to be graceful . I just can not believe you would say the things you have said about WOMEN . I think you should take the time to actually acknowledge and understand PTSD from a betrayal trauma standpoint. My relationship of 23 years is ending right in front of my eyes . Not because of “ a little masturbation “ or a “ little porn “ But because of the betrayal .
    A lot of us SO have delved deep to understand Porn Addiction , if the man took half as much to understand and empathize with betrayal trauma the world on NOFAP would be a much better place . YOU are on a forum with both PA and SO . You are in Rebooting In A Relationship sub forum . Some of the things you have said minimize what an SO goes through. Please practice some empathy. And remember females are sexual beings as well , and want to be desired just as a husband should want to . Masturbation in itself is not the problem . Porn itself is not the problem. Neither can be healthy for an addict in a relationship, especially if EITHER disrupt the marital sex life ( imagine your wife used up all her sexuality on herself , denied you , was dry for you , COULDNT orgasm for you ) , intimacy in the marriage, honesty in the marriage. Practice empathy. Watch a video , read a book or simply head over to the plethora of SO journals to actually UNDERSTAND what someone is going through . If you can’t do that then just be quiet and stop generalizing women like we are all the same . Are you like every porn addict on here , I think not . And just because your wife doesn’t cry in front of you doesn’t mean she doesn’t . An SO typically suffers in silence until she can not .
     
  10. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Wow.
     
    fadedfidelity likes this.
  11. Let’s all stop attacking the addict in the room. He is obviously still struggling with an addicts brain.
    Ladies, think back to past relationships of ours... past husbands or past boyfriends... the ones we didn’t love with all our hearts... did we care then that he jerked off instead of slept with us? No, we more than likely welcomed the thought of not having to be intimate. Just because HIS wife doesn’t cry around him doesn’t mean she doesn’t do it silently. (Perhaps she has tried communicating about other topics and realized he is hard headed) or perhaps it’s because she’s happy she doesn’t have to entertain the thought of intimacy with such a man. We beat ourselves up because we love our men with all our heart and soul. If anything we should feel sorry for this man instead of trying to force him to understand. One day he might, but for now an addict will only show empathy once he has put in the time and effort towards his recovery.
     
  12. Just a reminder that this site is called "NoFap" and your counter indicates you are committed to abstaining from P and M. For the long-term addict, the only correct amount of PMO is zero. I wish you the best in your journey.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019
  13. This is the difference between what the used to be called "weak" sex can stand and guys getting exploded on some road in the Middle East desert. Some orders of magnitude difference.

    At the same time both sides are getting weaker overall in the West as the tremendous wealth makes life easier and easier, and as a result society accelerates towards the inevitable downfall. People few decades from now fighting for basic survival will laugh about our porn problems and everything attached to it.
     
  14. Faceplanter

    Faceplanter Fapstronaut

    Yep, the spouses and girlfriends that are ok being left alone aren't coming here to talk and learn and vent. They just let the addict do their thing.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  15. I really worry about the future of families in this generation. :( Thanks for sharing those statistics.
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  16. I think we have to think long term in gains of real joy in our lives. Short term pleasure is not equal to the joy of having a family and watching it grow. The pixels won't be there with you on your deathbed. That's hard to think about but it's true. Real life can be beautiful. The P industry really does a great job of exploiting the human mind and making it dependant on that world.
     
  17. fadedfidelity

    fadedfidelity Fapstronaut

    You obviously haven't look into betrayal trauma and the woman's perspective of how this affects everything about HER SEXUALITY. Many, SO's know more about PA than their partners even do! They blame themselves and research and research on how to help HIM. Everything is about his needs, his desires, his hard on or lack of. If your partner refuses you sexually as a man, and watches sexy guys in porn instead of be with you, how does that not affect your esteem?? You are lying to yourself if you think that only happens to "weak" people with "hang ups" about themselves.

    And, it is not true that ALL men don't masturbate to their wives. It is not weird. If you have sex with your wife and it was amazing, typically one thinks about it if they can't get to her for a repeat. Same for women. Of course, this is only true for sexually healthy people who do not have porn addiction issues. So, perhaps that is why you think that way.

    It is also not just a "man thing" that the same person gets boring. Same for us women!! But, that is just how we are wired, right? You take it too personally if your wife prefers porn to you, right?
     
  18. fadedfidelity

    fadedfidelity Fapstronaut

    You sir are an ignorant person thinking your situation is everyone's situation. And bashing women for the hurt they have gone through WITHOUT researching it?? Didn't you belittle another SO here saying she didn't do her research about PA?? What a hypocrite.

    A person being shocked (like a bomb going off) at the discovery of their partner being a different, secret person is trauma. Years of lies, sexless nights, and isolation will tear anyone apart, especially if the other partner isn't telling them why and it isn't obvious.
    If your wife denies you in bed, prefers to look at other men on a screen, pays them money to show off their naked body, and lies and sneaks this behind your back--is it cheating? What if she couldn't get wet by you, or didn't want you touching her without watching porn? What if she fantasized about the young, hot men around her and oogled them, but then didn't notice you or appreciate you?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  19. As I have read over this post, the word denial just keeps coming to mind. It may be too hard to face the truth about the damage this problem has caused. I think this is why so many women who are SO have to seek support outside of their relationship. If you a woman upset and he responds to you by saying those types of things to you, that's just going to make you feel worse and make you feel even more crazy. Which by the way, when you live with someone who causes you to doubt your feelings over and over through lying, it is emotionally abusive. That's what I see in so many of the SOs on here. They are talking about the effects of that trauma. That's why we are defensive, confused and unsure of ourselves. SOs let this post be a reminder of the importance of why you have to seek support outside of your relationship. Especially if your partner is in denial about the addiction and it's affects on you, your family and every other aspect of your lives together. My PA lost his first family because of this. I think he knows he will lose his second family now if he doesn't work on it. Some people have to lose a lot in life before they understand the severity of the addiction. I hope for the best for everyone that is touched by this in any way.
     
    EyesWideOpen and Deleted Account like this.

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