Still not getting something about recovery/reboot

The issue here is disassociating the dopamine from PMO, not disassociating it from real sex. Sounds like you're trying to rationalize PMO or MO by telling yourself the dopamine is the same as sex. There's a reason why people reference the "chaser" effect after having sex. You're here to quit MO or PMO, not to quit sex.

You're still listening to your dopamine soaked brain telling you that you "need" your fix. Stop listening to it. There is no rationalization that can justify PMO or MO, in my opinion. Get through the withdrawals. Disassociate your brain from P.

 

Hi Shai, it's a great question. You_Can_Do_it is absolutely right, in my opinion. Your brain loves dopamine. You have soaked it in dopamine through porn use. You are now depriving it of dopamine, and it will try to reason with you on why you need to push the porn button to give it more. It seems to be telling you that relapse is inevitable, so, why not just plan on relapsing. What we are telling you is that relapse is not inevitable, and the farther out you get, less and less likely, as long as you still respect that porn is the button that releases dopamine and you stay on guard against pushing it.

Let's go back to the basics. Dopamine is a mechanism our brain uses to reward sex. High speed internet porn is not sex, but, our brain's chemical reward center cannot distinguish the two. That is why we become addicted to high speed internet porn; it effects, or can effect, and endless amount of dopamine highs, effortlessly, constantly, and with new hypersexualized images (or partners, if you will, fake one, that part of our brain cannot distinguish from reality), moment after moment after moment for days on end.

Once you get clean--and clean is not just not using porn, but also not imagining it, thinking about it, etc.--and you go back to real sex, yes, you will get a dopamine high, but unless you use sex like most of us used porn, it won't be a problem. Getting a dopamine high in and of itself is not a problem, it is merely a reward for sex, which again, in and of itself is not a problem. Sex was not, for most of us, a problem. The problem was high speed internet porn, which that part of the brain interprets as endless sex, and rewards with an endless dopamine high, resulting in addiction.

I am 5 months plus porn free; no porn, no PMO, no MO. I have regular sex with my wife. It is good.

Two cautions for you when you do get back.

Keep porn out of your life completely. Keep it out of your head. Someone wiser than me said "be ever vigilant". Keep your porn blockers on. Don't let you brain tell you "I can handle it now". You can't. Sucks but it is the truth. As addicts we can only beat the addiction by keeping porn completely out of our lives. Use it again, you'll probably relapse. So stay away from hypersexualized imagery. I read a guy's post on here who relapsed after 120 days. He allowed himself to watch and imagine porn, only for a few minutes, but trigger!, and he used again. Be aware of that possibility.

Also, be aware of the chaser effect. It is entirely possible that once you are back and have real sex with your wife that the following day (or even later that day) you will hit a round of withdrawal symptoms. This is common, and when that happens many guys feel the need to binge on PMO. I can tell you I went through some of that when quitting, in the beginning, before I got educated and knew to expect it. Just be aware of the possibility of it, expect it, understand what it is, and be prepared to just say no. In fact, for a guy like you I might suggest you plan on it happening and try to plan activities after you get back, for the first three days, that make it virtually impossible to relapse while still allowing you to enjoy your wife sexually.

Good luck in your journey.

 

Hi Shai, I think the short answer is, maybe, but you have to understand that you are your own master. Ultimately, you either act on your triggers, or you refuse to. I experience triggers daily; I do not act on them. You may never reach a point where nothing triggers you, but if you quit, you will reach a point where you do not act on your triggers.

If you get past that 90 day reboot, you will see the temptation is much reduced.

Good luck to you.