Still not over my ex

[Jared.C]

After everything im still not over her even though its been 7 years, alot has changed for us over the years, we both grew up, are both still single and both have things we are passionate about, we've been our separate ways for a few years following our own paths and figuring ourselves out. Earlier this year I reached out and apologized for the break up and how at the time she would hurting, doing this helped me move on from the regret of breaking up with her, I no longer felt guilt or shame. I stopped thinking about her for a few months and moved on, but then I started thinking about her again, but they were thoughts of wanting to catch up with her in person and see how she was, but another part of me was trying to avoid her as much as possible to maintain no contact, and I made no contact with her for 5 months. But then I had all of these relapses last month and felt lonely, all I could think about was her, so I subscribed to this coach to help me get back with my ex and he has been giving me helpful tips. I decided that my ex may be the one worth fighting for, no guarantees but there is that possibility, it was the only motivating me after my relapse and it helped me get back up when I was at my lowest, im going to fight for her. I know what you are all thinking that I should forget about her and move on, but the thing is its not that simple because I still have a thing for her. Whenever I've tried to get back with her ive always lacked confidence resulting in failed attempts, but new approach is to build on my confidence while working on self improvement and start talking to her again, in a way im going to make myself attractive to her or any other female out there without making it obvious. Feel free to share your opinions, but you should know, ive already made up my mind for now.

 

[Al Capone]

Same with me. Haven't seen my ex for over 3 years. Haven't met anyone like her and wish I could meet up with her again. I messaged her about 2 years ago and she didn't seem interested in the convo (short replies etc). My plan is to make myself a better man, date more girls in order to get experience, and maybe reach out to her in a few years time when I'm an improved version of myself.

 

[SirQwerty]

I have a question of you all don't mind, and I ask this with all due respect: If a woman agreed to break up with you with no intent of future reconciliation, why try to "win her back"? There are plenty of women out there, and you may be able to meet one who truly cares and is more willing to maintain a fulfilling relationship.

Just a thought, I don't mean any disrespect. I've never been through a rough breakup so I might not understand

 

[KW.636]

It might be helpful for you

 

[Meshuga]

All I say is, be sure you want to be around this person, and not a person you've invented in your mind with her face on it. Seven years, man. She's a different person. She's been living and growing and making new choices, and you've been living with a version of her that's trapped in the amber of your memory. Discover yourself first. Figure out who you are. Then learn who she is, if that's even appropriate. Then decide if you even like that person, or if you prefer the imaginary version. If you do want to be with her, and not the made up version in your head, then you have to learn if she's interested in you.

Without all of that, all this coaching is going to be for nothing, or worse than nothing.

 

[cleaningupmyact]

very relatable OP.

I had all of these relapses last month and felt lonely, all I could think about was her

that's all it is man. It's co-dependency. if you're anything like I have been in addiction, you hate life and feel lonely often.
As a sex addict, I am often "restless, irritable, and discontent" (from AA)
The hum of existence gets to me. Being with my ex I could bear it all; because she was like a drug to me too, in a way.

All of this goes out the window with sobriety. For just as many years I obsessed about my ex, fapping like a gooner sad boi to all our old videos and pictures and even stalking her online for more fap material. It was a hellish existence.

With sobriety I barely ever think of her, and my life is finally moving forward. I am no longer chained to the past and the toxic cycle of loss and stockholm syndrome / trauma bonding stuff with her. and I am no longer orienting my life and goals to "getting back" with her. I focus on my goals and my spirituality / connection with others and nature now. and most of all, I trust and enjoy my own company like I never did before.

 

[Jared.C]

All I say is, be sure you want to be around this person, and not a person you've invented in your mind with her face on it. Seven years, man. She's a different person. She's been living and growing and making new choices, and you've been living with a version of her that's trapped in the amber of your memory. Discover yourself first. Figure out who you are. Then learn who she is, if that's even appropriate. Then decide if you even like that person, or if you prefer the imaginary version. If you do want to be with her, and not the made up version in your head, then you have to learn if she's interested in you.

Without all of that, all this coaching is going to be for nothing, or worse than nothing.

Thanks man, I'm trying not to think about her as much and trying to discover myself more.

 

[Jared.C]

It might be helpful for you

Thanks for that man, the video was helpful

 

[Jared.C]

Thanks @everyone in this thread who replied, I realize now that this ex stuff all stems from loneliness especially when I was in a bad place, too many years have passed and she has most likely moved on, so it's better I move on. There is plenty other fish in the sea. I've done the right and unsubscribed from the coach, I was in a bad place at the time, it's better this way, otherwise I'm going to keep hurting inside and my relapses will get more intense, cutting ties with her is the best thing for all of us. I feel much better now knowing I'm finally putting myself first, that is more important than anything else. I'm going to find projects myself and keep myself busy so I stay focused on something.

 

[Jared.C]

I have a question of you all don't mind, and I ask this with all due respect: If a woman agreed to break up with you with no intent of future reconciliation, why try to "win her back"? There are plenty of women out there, and you may be able to meet one who truly cares and is more willing to maintain a fulfilling relationship.

Just a thought, I don't mean any disrespect. I've never been through a rough breakup so I might not understand

It might be helpful for you

All I say is, be sure you want to be around this person, and not a person you've invented in your mind with her face on it. Seven years, man. She's a different person. She's been living and growing and making new choices, and you've been living with a version of her that's trapped in the amber of your memory. Discover yourself first. Figure out who you are. Then learn who she is, if that's even appropriate. Then decide if you even like that person, or if you prefer the imaginary version. If you do want to be with her, and not the made up version in your head, then you have to learn if she's interested in you.

Without all of that, all this coaching is going to be for nothing, or worse than nothing.

Same with me. Haven't seen my ex for over 3 years. Haven't met anyone like her and wish I could meet up with her again. I messaged her about 2 years ago and she didn't seem interested in the convo (short replies etc). My plan is to make myself a better man, date more girls in order to get experience, and maybe reach out to her in a few years time when I'm an improved version of myself.

very relatable OP.

that's all it is man. It's co-dependency. if you're anything like I have been in addiction, you hate life and feel lonely often.
As a sex addict, I am often "restless, irritable, and discontent" (from AA)
The hum of existence gets to me. Being with my ex I could bear it all; because she was like a drug to me too, in a way.

All of this goes out the window with sobriety. For just as many years I obsessed about my ex, fapping like a gooner sad boi to all our old videos and pictures and even stalking her online for more fap material. It was a hellish existence.

With sobriety I barely ever think of her, and my life is finally moving forward. I am no longer chained to the past and the toxic cycle of loss and stockholm syndrome / trauma bonding stuff with her. and I am no longer orienting my life and goals to "getting back" with her. I focus on my goals and my spirituality / connection with others and nature now. and most of all, I trust and enjoy my own company like I never did before.

Thanks guys, read the above reply!