Still want to cuck other guys

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Grateful Retainer, May 23, 2021.

  1. This is something I haven't seen discussed before and has been on my mind for the last several days. I'll include the caveat that there may be some trigger warnings for some.

    There was an incident that happened in my mid to late 20s, strictly by chance, that altered the course of my life. By this time I was already an alcoholic and sex addict but this was the gateway that led to escalation.

    One weekend I was at a bar when an older couple started chatting me up. At first I didn't think anything of it but after awhile my sixth sense started to act up. Long story short I ended up going to their home and having sex with the wife while the husband was submissive to me.

    In the realm of sex addiction I don't believe there is anything that gives you the dopamine rush that cucking another guy does. Going into another man's home and treating his wife like a plastic fuckdoll while he is off to the side like a punk hits those parts of the primal reptilian brain like nothing else.

    On top of that I know why this experience was especially potent for me. I had a horrible relationship with my abusive father so this was me "getting back" at him on some level.

    After this happened I began looking for couples on craigslist and eventually started having sex with men and shemales. Had this chance encounter never occurred I don't believe I would have ever escalated to that point.

    Today marks the completion of 18 months of semen retention for me which I started to completely fix my broken brain. Yet for the last couple of days the urge to cuck another guy has reawakened in my brain with a fury.

    I'm a little dejected that after a year and a half this particular fetish still has some grip over me. Now I'm starting to worry that it will never be completely erased from my brain.

    Either way it's clear to me that I'm not healed yet and there is nothing I can do but continue to detox.
     
  2. I don't say this to suggest letting your guard down, but it IS possible, as some say that sometimes the part of our mind that may be ready to die puts in a last ditch effort and expresses itself more strongly. IF that is true, then what's happening with you may be an indication that "it's feeling threatened" and generally just that you're cleaning house on some level so you notice it which is better than not being aware of it.

    To put it another way, just because it's acting up maybe it's not a matter of it having a grip on you, but just that it's been lying dormant and it sort of has nowhere to hide at this point. I don't mean to put a spin on it that may not necessarily be true, of course I don't know, but I figure it may be helpful to consider this possibility and there may be a significant step around the corner even if one cannot know. Thanks for sharing.
     
  3. Uncle_Iroh

    Uncle_Iroh Fapstronaut

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    It's something that will always be there, a sleeping giant waiting to rear it's ugly head again, but with time in recovery we come to understand our triggers, our emotions and what is considered risky for us. In the realm of the imagination we can come up with some brilliant things as human beings, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and any other number of amazing creations of humanity. It is ultimately a gift and a curse for a sexually addicted person, we can use it to come up with any number of ways to act out and to fantasize, so be warey of your mind and where it will take you, but be aware that these thoughts always return, it's not going anywhere for good, it will just calm.
     
  4. Dioplleo_547

    Dioplleo_547 Fapstronaut

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    @Grateful Retainer Can we talk about it? I have some of my own desires as well I'm not into cucking or homosexuality, but I have some fetishes among those lines you seem like the type of guy to talk about these things with but I understand if you don't want to talk about it.
     
  5. jarvyjarvison

    jarvyjarvison Fapstronaut

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    In the drug addition world we have something called euphoric recall. That's where you remember how good it feels to do the drug and anticipate doing the drug for the euphoric effects. The problem with euphoric recall is that the euphoria is much more memorable than the negative effects -- probably due to the way the reward system in our brain works.

    The solution is to "play the tape forward." When you imagine cucking a guy, fast forward what happens after you've finished the deed -- the feelings of regret, etc. Imagine what it's like to be hopelessly addicted to this destructive behavior and how bad that feels. Try and focus on that and that will help you defeat euphoric recall.
     
  6. martymac7

    martymac7 Fapstronaut

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    @Grateful Retainer I've had a really similar experience - happened in a threesome situation with my close friend and his partner, and I got so addicted to the fantasy (as well as being encouraged towards it by her, and, in a different way, by him) that I've done a fair amount of irreversible damage to that friendship and had a hard time enjoying sexual encounters without this added psychological intensity.

    I'm just starting to stop with the porn (which has definitely helped the addiction/high live on in fantasy land). Also have been working with a therapist on facing some of the issues around absent/alcoholic father, which I definitely think is related. Rough that the fantasy keeps coming back. It's a high (was combined with drugs as well) that I've had a hard time shaking years later.

    @jarvyjarvison Maybe playing the tape forward does help, in terms of realizing how destructive it all is. The euphoric recall idea is pretty interesting to me.
     
  7. I've had some time to think about all of this.

    Part of the issue is I'm emerging from the flatline. It's funny that semen retention is referred to as "hard mode" yet it's easy to do when your libido is in the gutter. Lately I've been having sex dreams, morning steel, and more than anything my sensitivity is coming back. In some respect it feels like my 18 month streak has an asterisk next to it because my libido was on vacation anyways. So I will need to be more vigilant.

    Another part of it is because my frame of reference as it relates to recovery has been my victory over alcoholism. At first I lumped my sex addiction into the same bucket thinking one addiction is the same as another. On some level that is true but not 100%. The ultimate objective when weaning oneself off drugs or alcohol is simple: stop putting this poison in your body. Sex addiction is much more nuanced as I'm now realizing.

    Finally there is my own impatience to deal with. When getting sober I went through the process of coming to terms with my past, slaying my dragons, and forgiveness. I already know why I did all of the things I did, there is nothing left to unearth. So I'm just waiting for the neural pathways associated with this particular fetish to fade away which is apparently taking longer than I anticipated. When I get a crazy urge like I did this morning it feels like I'm failing somehow.

    I should have just taken care of my sex addiction the same time I stopped drinking. Hindsight being 20/20 and all that.
     
  8. If you're struggling and need help with something I am more than happy to answer any questions you have.
     
    Dioplleo_547 likes this.
  9. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Honestly, I think at this point your best course of action is to stop doing anything sexual for a while. But just not having sex or masturbating won't work without a mindset change.

    I had essential the opposite problem. I used to be into being very submissive. I don't have a wife or girlfriend but would sometimes fantasize of being cucked and other general femdom fetishes. It made me sad.

    But now that I have gone several weeks into nofap I don't crave these things anymore. I have written about it a few times on this website. What I did was while abstaining from porn and masturbation, I would consciously appreciate and focus on my masculinity. Obviously this isn't necessary for you to focus on. What you should focus on is your compassionate side.

    Think about it. You are literally thinking of another's man's wife as quote a "fuckdoll". You are essentially seeing the woman as an object. No love, no intimacy. It is just the passion of the moment. If you want to get rid of these fetishes, you need to desire the opposite. That is, essentially loyalty.

    Try doing this and see how you feel. Good luck.
     
    Starshower likes this.
  10. |Hanuman|

    |Hanuman| Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    You basically have same fetish as mine. When I had 70 days streak, I have had same fetish. I wanted to cuck other guys. Want to humiliate other men by fucking their wife.
    It wasn't like this before. I used to watch a lot of cuck porn. I was obese and low in confidence. I did nofap and lost weight. People started giving me compliments about my body. Having a huge D and a great body changed my mindset. Boost in confidence played a huge role plus many woman attraction. It was in month of October last year.
    Now I am struggling with porn addiction. What I learnt from this is that porn literally changes your way of viewing sex. Masturbating to porn means your masturbating to people having sex which makes a guy, cuck. Quiting porn makes it the opposite.
     
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  11. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    This point really needs to be made more on this website
     
  12. iwontfail67

    iwontfail67 Fapstronaut

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    Have you really done 18 months of semen retention without any sexual rewiring? Semen retention for 18 months doesn't do anything. 30-90 days to shake off that porn wiring sure. But after that you should be actively trying to rewire your sexual desire and sexual release to a much more natural and vanilla sexual response. This is where the discipline comes into place. If you're one of those people who masturbate once and then suddenly open up every porn website possible and binge for 72 hours, then don't. Tough it out. Release ONCE a week/2weeks to natural and non porn influenced sexual fantasy. If its underwhelming at first, then so be it. The goal is to rewire. What do you think is going to happen after refusing your brain this all powerful extreme dopamine hit for 18 months without any chance to rewire or release your sexual energy to something different? It's just going to go back to the last thing you released to.

    Really think about if this semen retention for excessive periods of time is actually benefiting you, or if you're taking the whole Nofap idea a little too seriously. Quitting porn is the real issue, and the next step is rewiring your desire, and can be done by linking your sexual release to things that you deep down like. Because if you still feel like you aren't "healed" after 18 months of not busting a nut then surely you gotta realise that semen retention really doesn't doesn't actually do anything and is a huge placebo. Focus on rewiring, and you will be good. But don't relapse back into a porn binge. Be vigilant.
     
  13. Part of my goals in retention is to eliminate all abhorrent sexual behavior so I will not be masturbating.

    Actually it is clear to me that I am on the right path because my urges are 100% gone this morning. I went to bed feeling groggy and lethargic but woke up completely refreshed with endless energy. I'm not reminiscing about deviant behaviors from my past, the thought repulses me.

    I just need to practice being patient. Yesterday was one of my biggest tests on this path and I do believe I've passed.
     
    Randy, silentmike and TimeToQuitNow like this.
  14. I think this advice is spot on. The urges have completely vanished this morning.
     
  15. SmutLife

    SmutLife Fapstronaut

    Your story is very similar to mine regarding the cuck and shemale fetish.

    I can totally relate to that fantasy of a wife / GF wanting you while her fella watches on submissively.

    I don't even think there's anything necessarily wrong with it when all adults are consenting and enjoy it.

    The transexual thing is more complicated I haven't quite figured out how to fully deal with that issue just yet.
     
  16. dragonaire

    dragonaire Fapstronaut

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    Thats a normal kink and the couple is spicying their sex life with it, and the older woman having fresh meat... Win-Win to me
     
  17. Starshower

    Starshower Fapstronaut

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    Bonking another guy's woman while the guy watches in the corner is a normal kink? That's more than a bit dodgy.
     
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  18. iwontfail67

    iwontfail67 Fapstronaut

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    Obviously do what you feel is right, but rewiring is 50% of the equation. If you don't take the time to rewire then aren't replacing the old, conditioned wiring with natural and real ones. Semen retention doesn't eliminate abhorrent sexual behaviour, it only feels like it does because you've linked masturbation to these extreme pornographic behaviours. If you linked sexual release to natural and normal things, then it would have the opposite affect and help you rewire dramatically. Semen retention is great for a couple weeks/months even to really reset your brain, but after a certain period of time it doesn't do anything. Thats why you hear of people abstaining for years and still feeling like theyre responsive to the extreme stuff that they are trying to quit, because they didn't spend the time rewiring. You just won't magically heal everything from semen retention, if you don't rewire your sexual release, otherwise it will always go back to what it can remember.
     
  19. jarvyjarvison

    jarvyjarvison Fapstronaut

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    I know, right? And usually the guy is masturbating. Who wants to be watched by some creepy dude in a corner masturbating?
     
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  20. Even as someone who is drawn towards being the cuck (like the OP, it stems in part not from porn so much but from past real life experiences), I even get the urge to cuck other men sometimes.

    Not in general. I certainly don't fantasise about it. But I get really excited when I see a lusty woman, or when a woman who is married (or has a serious boyfriend) shows interest in me. It's different than single women. In my mind I imagine the possibilities that I could eventually end up with her and then she would cuck me, or I imagine the fantasy of being with a woman knowing that she is also having sex with another man. I imagine that part of that really is porn induced, for how many thousands of hours have I spent beating off to images of women having sex with other men.
    Another way to put it is that an unfaithful wife or girlfriend is much more similar to a porn star than a boring, monogamous woman. :p

    Anyway. I think it's partly natural. Despite their status, or our own, we are sexually attracted to these women. Tons of guys want to screw a really hot woman, regardless of whether she's married or not. It's a natural desire. The question is whether we act on it . . . and the stories that we imagine when we think about having sex with them.
     
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