Stop calling yourself an addict!!!

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ilovesex, May 13, 2019.

  1. ilovesex

    ilovesex Fapstronaut

    69
    33
    18
    wow that sounds intense. i have never seen the need to go beyond 30min.
    what was your expiriences? compared to short meditations? what was scary? what kind of guidiance do you need?
     
  2. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Haha I see your point. I immediately thought of a white cat. Maybe the difference is that saying "I don't drink" was an identity shift. That's why it worked for me. And who knows, maybe it'll work for others, maybe not.
     
    justafriend likes this.
  3. NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

    1,185
    1,225
    143
    Around 20-30 minutes is perfect. After 20 minutes or so I tend to go really deep. It gets to the point where I think that meditation is the only thing that matters in life. I forget to eat. Forget to sleep. Forget to drink. I sometimes ended up meditating day and night until some weird shit started happening.

    Time running slower or seemingly stops. Intense vibrations in my entire body, like someone just turned on the light for me to see for the first time. Sensing that my body dissolves into the air. Getting dragged into powerful vortexes of energy. One time I started drifting side ways, out of my body. It was terrifying.

    For some reason this stuff always happened on long Nofap streaks. It made my meditations super intense. Sometimes when speaking to people it was as if I could look straight trough them. I saw their essence. But I did all of it without proper guidance. My experiences was a sign that I was flying too high, loosing touch with reality. If you get tot his point, go ask a buddhist monk to guide you.
     
    ilovesex likes this.
  4. jfromcr

    jfromcr Fapstronaut

    402
    697
    93
    I agree, your Identity is important. I also agree with @M.S.H. because while your Identity is important, owning the good and bad of who you are is just as important. Your Identity can be greater than your "addiction" but to deny the truth of your triggers and tendency to do make unhealthy choices leaves you open to relapse.
     
  5. ilovesex

    ilovesex Fapstronaut

    69
    33
    18
    but its interesting that you phrase it as no reality and that you judge it as something bad. i feel like a lot of spiritual people would call this very high awareness and you could use it for some good things.
    i have no experiences with stuff that high but i suggest to accept it than fear it?
     
  6. Habbapop

    Habbapop Fapstronaut

    166
    195
    43
    Been going to meetings before for about a year. And i never had a longer period off sobriety. But when i stoped going to meetings, and stoped seeing myself as an addict. Then here i am. Soon 90 days sober. Longest ever sober. THERE IS NO ONE COMING TO SAVE YOU ! Those words changed my life.
     
  7. JKnight

    JKnight Fapstronaut

    I'm not a big fan of the 12 step program because of the dependency transferal. However, whilst one shouldn't label themselves an addict, especially when they are a good amount of time sober. However, it is quite helpful to remember that we do have addict predispositions. If you look at the success stories, you'll find that, whilst many of them said that the urges lessened, they never went away. And if you give in, you relapse and then you have to fight it again. Someone who never became an addict, don't have the urges that we do.

    It's important not become complacent and realise that when we became addicts, some part of us became damaged and whilst we might always have that familiar urge, we will have the strength to just ignore it and say no and not have it dictate our life. When I call myself an addict (well I'm not recovered yet), it's because complacency is our greatest enemy. I went to 106 sober before i relapsed because of something stupid. I got complacent.
     
    justafriend likes this.
  8. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Unfortunately there is no shorthand way to qualify it as being an addict when various environmental and situational variables are at play, and people are either completely unfamiliar with a broad contextual outlook or they are not inclined to look at the details in such a way. The fact that it's easier to say yes or no to a label and that a lot of people do both does not make it more true than a thorough consideration of the details.

     
  9. AnxietyDude

    AnxietyDude Fapstronaut

    71
    60
    18
    OP:
    No disrespect intended, but the 12 step programs that you are speaking about or not that simply grouped into discussion. I actually worked as a supervisor in addiction clinic. I know it's laughable right now the seeming in this website with my own demons. But I saw thousands of people come in.
    Being an addict, is not a negative or a positive. It means that a person has a very difficult time resolving an issue they wish to not exist in their life anymore. There are people that are addicted to some of the strangest things out there and it doesn't mean negative or positive but they still are addicts. There are people that are watching the same soap opera for 35 years. They set the DVR and watch it every day, and actually have a sort of withdrawal or depression when it's not recorded or a special event makes it not happen. Certain people have the ability to be more prone to addiction. It does not mean it will become an addict but they do have something in there like missing and have found a item of some kind that brings some sort of peace of mind . Yes the majority of people that PMO do not do so to punish themselves. They do not do it harm themselves or to make themselves feel worse. In fact it's the opposite they think it will make life a little bit better and then they'll feel better about themselves.

    Alcoholics, and drug addicts will use and drink to the point of being in the hospital in a coma. And we'll come right back out and do it all over again. They hate that why they hate how it makes them feel afterwards. But still cannot stop going after it to begin with. If any of us here could simply flip off a switch unit nor and say we are no longer addicts we would all do it.

    First of all to be very clear to anyone wants to read this. You are not weak or pathetic because you have an addiction. You are not a failure in your life because you have one. You may be in pain or discomfort or trauma because you have an addiction but you are not a failure because of it and you are not weak because of it.

    Addicts exist, and actually that whole point of being an addict and admitting that that you are one helps begin the healing process. When I worked in the addiction field I saw so many people dropping their family members off to get better. I had my wife's aunt called me to deal with your son's addiction on Meth. She had a law degree and was heading in the right direction with a lot of money. She then turned to drugs and it took his life almost completely. That is not something I could've fixed, I cannot pick somebody else's addiction they have to want it. An arid though there is the solution to being an addict have to want to be clean and sober. Clean and sober does not mean alcohol and drugs. Being clean from PMO, means a healthy life, and one that we can accept on its terms as it comes. In the addiction field is often said the most difficult time is taking life on at life's terms as are given to you. That can be some of the hardest things in addict goes through is to stop using something that makes them feel normal, and replacing it with true reality and normal can be very painful and something we don't always want to let go. Even if there is great pain within our addiction, we oftentimes would accept that over reality. And that is the clear definition of an addict.

    I wish you well OP, I hope you have this beat as you say. Me I been doing this for 35-40 years and still struggle with that addiction even know I'm making progress I still struggle. But I do not see myself this week the fact that a knowledge I have an addiction problem and issue means I can deal with it. If I choose to ignore that it exists at all and I think I am in full control. The odds are I will lose control much faster than I will ever gain it
     
    justafriend and JKnight like this.
  10. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    That's Great Man! Congrats on your sobriety!
     
    AnxietyDude likes this.
  11. JKnight

    JKnight Fapstronaut

    You can get as pseudo-philosophical as you want. The fact of the matter is that if you have trouble stopping something that you want to stop, if stopping causes withdrawal like symptoms, if waiting for that thing causes anxiety until you finally get it. If any of those things are true for you, then, at the very least, you have a huge psychological/hormonal type issue but it's most likely and with some level of certainty that you have some form of addiction.

    it's not about giving yourself a label, it's about recognising, diagnoising and appreciating the issue and the extent of the issue. Only then can you start to heal. This is not unique to addiction. Doctors can't really help you until they've diagnosed the issue and the magnitude of it; the same applies with psychologists or any form of medical or help field. In fact any problem-solving venture requires understanding and appreciating the problem first.

    Be that as it may, one isn't wholly an addict. I am an addict but that's one aspect of me, a part psychological part chemical aspect of me that I don't like. But I'm far more other things as well; there are more aspects of my personality. Someone with diabetes or cancer isn't just a sufferer, they are a human being with their own traits and personality first, they just suffer from something. Characteristics like race, gender, age, sexuality and whether or not someone is an addict don't and shouldn't make up the whole of our identity; if it is then that's another problem.
     
    justafriend likes this.
  12. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    And to not limit ourselves to a diagnosis is a part of the comprehensive work of healing. Doctor's also can't follow us everyday and everywhere in spite of understanding the pathology whether that's addiction, another condition or both. It's up to us to address every aspect of our lives for full healing simply because we are the only one that is there all the time.

     
  13. Self Worth

    Self Worth Fapstronaut

    303
    1,183
    123
    i was never as anxious, until i heard a friend talk about anxiety and said he had it. then i label myself as it also, because i felt similar. after that i went into every situation believing that's me. there's no good in believing you are something negative, some people need to accept things have gone too far but don't label yourself an addict. if you truly believe yourself a hero, leader, strong, good person, that's how you will act. so why not label yourself something good.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2019
  14. JKnight

    JKnight Fapstronaut

    I believe that's what I said, your entirety is not as an addict. It may not even be a part of your identity, it's just something that you or i might suffer from.

    The doctor is an analogy. It doesn't make a difference what the problem-solving/diagnosing-healing situation is, you have to diagnose before you can heal. It doesn't mean you have to be reliant upon another or upon the one that diagnosed, if they give the tools to find the cure.
     
    justafriend likes this.
  15. JKnight

    JKnight Fapstronaut

    that's because you labelled yourself as such. You made being an addict a part of your identity and not just a sickness or something you suffer from. You are an addict, I am an addict. It makes no difference. You are also still who you are outside of addiction and I am still who I am outside of addiction.

    An addict can either be someone who considers it their identity to be an addict or is someone who suffers from addiction. Which definition you choose is up to you; it doesn't have to be part of your identity. Either, you have to know what you are suffering from if you want to heal.

    Even incorporate the label addict as part of your identity, the term doesn't mean that you are a bad person. It means that you are a person with a predisposition to be compelled and consumed by certain activities. It means that you suffer from a sickness that only you can heal and is bloody hard to do so. It's your choice what you do next.
     
    justafriend and Self Worth like this.
  16. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    I haven't read every post in the thread, so apologies if this ise redundant but I think some context may be helpful.

    This is basically a matter of identification, speech and intention. You can be careful with the speech but the other two factors are deeper. It's also possible to make a qualified statements such as "as a recovering addict I have found ..." which limits it to a specific role and relationship to the issue as well as being specific in the past tense. This is not the same as an absolute an exclusive identification with the label.
     
    Pity likes this.
  17. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Yes, of course for some it may be more action then diagnosis, at least toward the beginning of a time line given brain fog and such factors. I would imagine you would also agree that sometimes there is not an existing set diagnosis, at least at a certain level, but if we have some tools to work with it functionally and look at the entire network of factors it is possible to unravel it and work with our life situation.

     
  18. Pity

    Pity Fapstronaut

    54
    41
    18
    ... no one can say they are 'God' but how can we not identify with God more than everything else?

    more to the point: you believe in free will but have you ever even thought about it? what is free will? How free is free will? how does free will exist outside 'cause & effect' dominating all events?

    If you havent looked into it are you not basically innocent and exactly what God created?

    [Answer sextion intentionally left blank. PLAY BALL!]
     
  19. JKnight

    JKnight Fapstronaut

    100%. And there is no set medical diagnosis for our addiction, mostly due to lack of it being politically correct and well the porn industry is quite powerful. But it doesn't take away from the fact that we do suffer from addiction-compulsion behaviours and there is a methodology for diagnosing addiction and to manage it. I'm still on the fence about whether or not it can be cured. At the end of the day, through conditioning, our brain will always remember the fact that PMO did release hormones that made the stress of life easier and create a blissful numbness. If we let our guard down and those stresses come back and we found ourselves in a position, for whatever reason, that our usual techniques either fail or that we fail to use those techniques, a relapse can be triggered. This is true of all addictions, not just porn addiction. I would surmise that it would depend on the magnitude of the addiction, but there will always be a scar of some sort on our brain that never-addicts won't have.
     
  20. AnxietyDude

    AnxietyDude Fapstronaut

    71
    60
    18
    I'm going to touch a little on the philosophical if I may.
    It is said, that our environment molds who we are. Our childhood, our relationships, where we live and even what we eat molds to appoint who we are. But we have the choice regardless what is it our past to mold the future. If one was born in a jungle with no other humans around, they would be molded either environment. However the human brain is remarkable in that if you had brought that individual into society after living in the jungle for 20 years, with the right care they could adapt to modern society.
    Addictions take a opposite approach, in that we have already been molded to a certain point with our strengths and weaknesses. But addiction tends to take the weakness we have no matter how it's molded and manipulates it. And we allow it. It's important to understand that just as much as we can be molded to adapt to a addictive personality. So do we have the strength to remove ourselves and strengthen ourselves to walk away from that personality. If you look at the person that lived in the jungle for 20 years and then lived in modern society, it would be very easy for them to turn right back and go to the jungle. In fact most of their life will be spent with a certain amount of stress missing what was in the jungle. However factors that we mold in our future allow was to lessen the impact of our past.

    We are remarkable, each and every one of us. You may not think this if you're reading it but you are remarkable person. You have the ability to think, reason, and become any person that you want to. Nobody becomes a person they don't want to be, that is something we guide ourselves and aim that direction. Often times by embracing an addiction will push that individual into that direction. But it was free will that allow them to enter using what ever tools to get themselves into that mess.

    While there are all sorts of addictive solutions, the hundred percent fact is, no one will quit their addiction if they do not have a desire to do so. The 12 step programs, and other addiction facilities often times pressure the individual to appoint him quitting. Twelve-step programs work but often time peer pressure allows the individual to simulate becoming free of that addiction. But once the satisfying world of the 12 step programs were addiction facilities fade. There is no support system. People go to addiction facilities and come out and go to 12 step programs. However it is not the same, the tools they gathered to get sober from whatever diction may have is now gone and replaced with other tools that they are not used to. They then work to adapt with these new tools such as a 12 step program and they fail. A person has to make the choice of what program and tools will work for them. On this website it is very clear that there are a host of ways an individual can become free of PMO. And not every way works for everyone as we are all different.

    So think about this, you are built by design to be PMO free. You were not built to be addicted to it. Right there adds strength in knowing that you were not intended to be this way, nothing that you feel inside yourself is natural when it comes to PMO. It is simulation that we have put in place to help heal a particular feeling or stress that we have. But that resolution is not natural and I think most people understand that. But with one fails to forget, is you are designed to be PMO free. And you have the strength to be so it's just a matter of tapping into it until we become used to that lifestyle as opposed to the lifestyle we are leaving behind. Just like the person that lived in the jungle for 20 years eventually they would become used to the fact of being in a different situation and they would adapt to it that is what we must do.
    Sorry to be so philosophical but it was a moment I was having and wanted to share.
     

Share This Page