Stopping Sex Chat Sites and Pic Trading

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Jackson100Stone, Apr 2, 2023.

  1. Jackson100Stone

    Jackson100Stone New Fapstronaut

    I moved on from porn a few years ago. It was already wrecking havoc but I found something worse to replace it: sex chat sites.

    Whereas before, I may spend 10 to (at max) 40 minutes watching porn, these sites lengthened it to 2-4 hours. It was exciting to talk to actual people. I got a rush from finding partners, engaging in roleplays or chats. There was always something new to experience. After a lot of introspection, I think I grew up feeling really unattractive so having access to all these strangers shower me with compliments about my writing skills and how sexy I was (yes I know they never saw my face, but pretty lies still feel nice) really pushed me to keep going. Soon I barely watched any porn.

    This has been devastating to my life for several reasons:
    • It is eating up my time: I'm losing so much sleep because I'll stay up 'til 4am on these sites. I'll waste time I could be spending with friends or exploring richer activities in life. It's gotten to the point where I'll even start doing things at my workplace, which is impacting my productivity and job security.
    • It's messing up my sexual performance: When I'm sleeping with someone, I'll last too long. Sometimes I can't get it up or keep it up. Very often I don't finish. It's really frustrating.
    • It's messing up my relationships: I feel like having access to all kinds of different people has made it harder for me to want to stick with one person. I'm single but I'm reluctant from going into a relationship because I don't think I can stop this for them, and it'd definitely be considered cheating. But also I feel like it makes me get sexually bored of the same person quicker.
    • My fetishes and kinks are getting darker: these chatrooms have hundreds or sometimes thousands of people online. When you're cycling through potential chat partners, some people will have kinks that disgust you. But eventually maybe you decide to try it, or maybe being exposed to it all the time you get desensitized to the content before you eventually cave in. (I'm not talking about CP just to clarify. That's a line I'd never ever cross). But the roleplays have gone from just sexual chats to scenes involving heavy r*pe and raceplay, misogyny, and violence that I'd never condone if I saw it anywhere else. I'm scared of how worse they'll get.
    • I've crossed a clear moral line: I recently started M'ing to pictures of random women I find through google searches, but not just that. I've sent it to others on these chat sites for us to M to together. These are people who haven't consented to having their images used like this, and I know they would be horrified and traumatized if they knew.
    I need to stop. I've tried before but those times were rooted in Christian guilt. When I got out of religion I thought that all this stuff about porn was just religious-propaganda. I don't think so anymore. Now I recognize I need to quit not to save my porn, but to save any joy I want to get out of life, relationships, sex, and my own self-worth.

    1# Stop All Activity on Sex Chat Sites

    • Install Cold Turkey Blocker on my computer
      • This app is a godsend for computer users. It not only blocks problematic sites, but it prevents you from uninstalling it or changing the settings except for within a designated time. I set it for between 4am to 6am because I know I'd never be awake and horny during that time. The only flaw is that it's not available for mobile phones. Which leads me to...
    • Find and install a mobile equivalent
      • Still doing my research, but I'm thinking of going ahead and going for one of the paid apps. It may be a bit of a hit at first, but hopefully it'll save me much more in the end.
    • Delete my Reddit accounts
      • I love the site but there are subs that allow me access to sexting partners. This however is low-priority, because of how difficult it is to find a partner. I've relied on this less and less because of how rare it is to find someone on this site. But still, deleting this site would go a long ways to getting me off my phone in general.
    2# Reduce PMO Activity
    • I can't do cold turkey. So I'm starting small. The goal is 1 week. At the end of the week, I'll allow myself to PMO. My mistake before was being too eager I think. Once I would hit one milestone, I'd immediately jump and lengthen my goals by a lot, like from 1 week to 2 to 3 to 4. I should stay at the same interval for an extended amount of time and slowly extend it.
    • Throw away my lotion and tissues. I want to make it as inconvenient as possible for myself.
    • Fill my schedule up.
      • I often PMO on days I work from home. So instead of working in the privacy of my bedroom, I'm going to make it a point to go into work, work from a cafe, or just work in the living room where my roommates frequent.
      • I also PMO at night. I can start having movie nights with roommates or doing other activities out in town. I can also start going to the gym immediately when I get home to reduce the time I spend in my room.
    • I can also use the Cold Turkey App to only allow me to access P sites on certain days to keep me really on point.
    I'd love any feedback y'all have to offer, and your own stories.
  2. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    Hey @Jackson100Stone. Thanks very much for sharing all this.

    Like you, I find chat the most toxic of all my pmo-related habits. It is the one that leads to the most extreme escalation. It is also the one I want/need to stay away from above all others. As a result, my biggest recovery priority involves chat abstinence (which I include under the very broadly defined label 'porn' in my counter).

    There have been several helpful tools and behaviours that I've engaged in this work. In terms of tools, Cold Turkey is definitely huge. I've used several blockers in the past. While no blocker is ever going to be 100%, CT is very good at what it does. In terms of behaviours, coming here to post and to read with some frequency is a big one. At some points, I've used NoFap as a chat substitute. When I want to chat, I come here.

    Best of luck with this. Stay with it. May both of us heal and recover our way into a better way of living.
  3. Jackson100Stone

    Jackson100Stone New Fapstronaut

    I appreciate your encouragement. I’m only one day in and it’s already really hard.
    Do you have any good suggestions for mobile apps that can block sites on the phone the way CT does, where you can’t even uninstall it outside certain hours?
  4. KevinesKay

    KevinesKay Fapstronaut

    Lock me out
  5. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    Yes, I'm familiar with those early day difficulties. For what it's worth, @Jackson100Stone, I find it get somewhat easier with time. For me, the basic habit of reaching for my phone and searching out chat has a lot of momentum in the beginning. Finding ways to break this is challenging. I have to find strategies (ie: storing my phone early each evening) and alternatives (ie: watching romcoms) that work in this regard.

    I've actually never used a blocker on my phone - beyond the restrictions that come with it. The above mentioned storage approach has proven pretty good. I suggest looking into @KevinesKay suggestion.

    Stay with it!
  6. KevinesKay

    KevinesKay Fapstronaut

    Sorry, I misunderstood the original question.

    "Lock me Out" it's designed to only block off apps on the phone. Which is still a pretty useful feature.

    An app that I use to protect myself from harmful sites is covenant eyes. Although it costs me $17 a month, it's well worth it. Sometimes you just got to bring out the big guns
  7. catsandchess

    catsandchess New Fapstronaut

    Thanks for writing this!

    I am suffering from basically the same problem - I find it arousing to chat to others about kinks and fantasies and it really does have two conseqences. Firstly, I too can lose hours on these sites. I feel so bad about wasting a few hours of a day off just edging while I chat. Such a waste of time. Secondly, I agree that talking to others pushes your boundaries a bit and I know I'm not into anything crazy but masturbating when chatting about dark fantasies can't be healthy for the brain.

    I think I need to do the same, block all these sites and make a decision once and for all that those 4 hours a day can be spent so much more productively.
    Craig2121 and Tryingto like this.
  8. rkingqueen

    rkingqueen Fapstronaut


    just wanted to say that I've exactly the same problem. The interaction with others is more intense than being alone for yourself but as you said: costs a lot of time and even worse: darkens the fetishes.
    I actually made it a while without chatting by forcing myself to look at erotic images (so it was more no-chat instead of NoFap) because my first priority was escapeing the dark thoughts and to save time. But at some point I was in a different country in a hotel with my laptop and there I had a fallback and started chatting again. By the way: Besides the problematic behavior itself, I also noticed that actually finding a chat partner itself can easily cost 1-2h. It gets worse and worse the darker your festishes get because finding someone with similar thoughts thins out the potential chat "friends".

    So, I ended up here and your thread spoke to me because I've the same issues and I'm super happy that you mentioned Cold Turkey! I was looking for something like that. Before I used Redirector-Addons but those are easy to disable. Once I even wrote my Internet Provider if it's possible to block internet adresses for the whole internet connection so that I can't cheat - unfortunately that's not possible. So thanks, I will try Cold Turkey!

    By the way: Personally I'm "lucky" that I don't need anything for the phone because typing on a phone is so bad that it's a natural barriere for me. Even typing a short message to a friend is already a pain for me on a smartphone. :,D

    I wish you the best. I hope we can both get rid of the habbit of chatting etc.
    Tryingto likes this.
  9. Avon support you

    Avon support you Fapstronaut

    Keep going bro. You are already on the right way. Now what we need is to think of how to keep it constantly. Having guilty is important but remember, do not let it overwhelm you. Have faith in god, just as how he have faith in you. You will surely rebuild a new life and see a unbelievably better version of yourself. There are many others suffering in Nofap as we do. Helping them will also help you out of this.

    I put on a link of a successful story. Hopefully it helps :)

  10. Onan the Barbarian

    Onan the Barbarian Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this post! I have also been having difficulty with this, as my addiction has mutated from conventional porn consumption to interactions with others online, like RP et cetera.
    rkingqueen likes this.
  11. D.T.89

    D.T.89 Fapstronaut

    If there is anything that keeps me away from cam sites now, aside from the fact that it eats away at a bank account balance, the cam girls these days are just downright mean, robotic, and just by how they interact with their "clientele ", you can easily see that their soul is possessed by demons.

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