Straight who masturbates looking gay porn.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by kekeconfused, May 30, 2019.

  1. kekeconfused

    kekeconfused New Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I'm a 20 yo guy from Madrid, Spain, who is feeling very confused since like 3 years ago (I'll try to do my best writting in english, I'm sorry for my grammar).

    Since I was 15/16 years old I've been watching gay porn (usually transwoman porn). I used to masturbate looking to straight porn too, I loved it, but the situation changed. Gay/transwoman porn turns me on so fast, much more than straight porn until the point that I'm only watching that kind of porn for masturbating. I've never been attracted to men and, after I finish "the work", I feel like the same straight person again. I had some girlfriends before and in real life I'm just sexually (and sentimentally) attracted to women and I'm 100% sure that I have no desires for other men in real life.

    The problem is that situation is affecting me. I have anxiety problems and the fear of not functionate with women because I need a high stimulation for having sex is killing me. The fear of failing in sex. I've been almost two years without having sex because the anxiety of failing in sex.

    I'm so fucking tired of looking on the Internet and see people making jokes about other men with that problem, just talking about gay repressed feelings or taking the blame to homophobic behaviour they don't have. I know that I can't be 100% straight, maybe I'm a bit bisexual, but I can't imagine myself being with another guy just because I'm not attracted in real life to them and I'm feeling very anxious. I've tried to flirt with men and try something with a man, but I can't feel any attraction or start anything with them, just confirming me that I'm straight (at least in real life, not behind my computer).

    I've never met someone in my situation, being straight but only getting hot with gay scenes (I feel hot with straight porn too, but not that much, I can't get a strong erection with straight porn). What's my problem? What can I do? I have to stop watching pornography? , stop masturbating? I don't know. I just want to flirt with women without any fears or anxiety. I want to have sex with womens without having Erectile dysfunction. Sorry for my english and thanks to everyone for reading and answer me. Greetings! :)

    First edit (5 days in nofap) (June 2, 2019): Hey guys! Thank you everyone for answering me, you've been such a great help for me the last days. This is my first time ever doing the Porn Addiction Recovery. I've been masturbating everyday for years and I'm noticing many changes in me already. My erections thinking on girls are coming back, my desires on watching gay/trans porn are decaying. I was so addicted to porn and masturbation that after 5 days in nofap I'm feeling horny all the day. This morning I almost failed the NoFap challenge cuz a friend of mine started to send me images of naked girls (he's always making jokes) but I have withstood the temptation, I want to recover, I'm gonna be strong. This is working, I'll edit this post again in some days ;).
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2019
    Deman and Freedom_from_PMO like this.
  2. Pexton

    Pexton Fapstronaut

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    Friend, you must give up that scum as soon as possible. My story with HOCD is related to something else (When i was 3 months less than 14 years at school, one stupid trash for fun started calling me gay and the others offended me for 2 years, calling ,, gay "or ,, faggot"). I got a social phobia but somehow I lived normally. But I avoided parties and meetings with people, so I did not have sex. During all these years I watched porn at first I felt great watching the beautiful girls without restrictions. Over time, I was looking for different varieties (a strange combination of age or just different races of people). But recently as part of the tests, whether or not I'm gay I watched gay porn and I was scared. After a while at the next test, I masturbated to check myself out. One day I was ejaculated with this kind of movie, which scared me. But a few weeks ago I watched gay porn and I was aroused as a new genre of porn (ZOO Porn also). I just realized that watching gay porn is pure escalation of not true attraction. After seeing this, I do not feel comfortable in real life, I'm ashamed of it. But with the end of addiction to porn and reboot it will be good again (But even now, if he ever touches a guy, it's just dopamine and some new taboo). But pornography is cancer and you have to go away because it destroys your psyche (Especially if you have HOCD like me). Good luck my friend and leave it forever and enjoy the girls, life and forget about this nonsense!
     
    Freedom_from_PMO likes this.
  3. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    If you haven't already done so, please read the "Getting Started Guide" available on this site's home page. It includes a lot of information that you will find helpful as you start your journey of healing. Also have a look at the "Glossary" on the top of this page for definitions of abbreviations and terms that may be new to you.

    Doing both - quit watching P and stop M by doing a "reboot" will likely be extremely helpful for you. I'd encourage at least a 30 day "hard-mode" reboot.

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
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  4. parad0x

    parad0x Fapstronaut

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    Take a deep breath and RELAX.

    You are not having a sexual identity problem you are having an addiction problem. You became addicted to the dopamine straight porn gave you.

    At some point, that straight porn wasn't delivering the dopamine hit anymore. So you started looking and stuff that would have horrified you before to find the same hit. It's a combination of excitement and the forbidden that triggers the dopamine to light up again in your brain for this type of porn.

    And so the process continues you get further and further into the abyss. It's like a drug addict.
    1. 1st he tries meth and gets a good hit and can control it
    2. He continues to use until with "diminishing" returns.
    3. He ups the ante in frequency and dose to find that euphoria from the first hit.
    4. Finally, he's injecting meth daily and has completely fucked up his life.
    The porn is the meth pipe that delivers the drug (dopamine). Smash the pipe, stop delivering the drug and you will overcome this. It's really that simple IMO.
     
  5. kekeconfused

    kekeconfused New Fapstronaut

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    Hi mates! Thank you for reading and answering me! :D Yep, im starting nofap in hard mode. I've been 3 days without masturbating and watching porn. I will update this thread over the time telling my story.
    Thanks!
     
  6. Pexton

    Pexton Fapstronaut

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    You will make it. When after 10 years of using hard porn on the internet (And before it as start 2 years of softcore in TV) I started to escalate to things that I did not accept, only then did I understand how cruel it was. I'm also starting NoFap and I hope that it will soon be improving my situation. And in 100 days it will be much better and some days later it will heal from it forever.
     
  7. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    You've made a good decision to be here.

    If you haven't already done so, please read the "Getting Started Guide" available on this site's home page. It includes a lot of information that you will find helpful as you start your journey of healing. Also have a look at the "Glossary" on the top of this page for definitions of abbreviations and terms that may be new to you.

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
  8. Pexton

    Pexton Fapstronaut

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    The creator of the topic has porn addiction and escalation. I have additionally HOCD (which after years has been very much strengthened by pornography addiction and escalation , also problems with low testosterone the doctor prescribed me the injections but then testosterone falls off anyway, i think that I should go to the gym.). That's why my case is more difficult but I do not belittle the suffering and torture of the author of this topic. Obsessions, false attractions, compulsions and groinal response and other unwanted body sensations are a real nightmare.
     
  9. quit porn first
     
  10. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    So take a positive step and start a hard-mode reboot. It can help you with many of the issues you are facing. Try at least a 30 day hard-mode reboot. It may take longer.

    There is no better time than right now to start your journey of healing, so get going.

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
    Fighter! likes this.
  11. Ikchwan Iknwan

    Ikchwan Iknwan Fapstronaut

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    I share with u the same story and actually I'm in 45 day I guess . Let me tell I'm doing no PMO hard mode, first u need to stop porn and masturbation . And change it with the good habit ( I suggest Meditation , reading , praying ) If you want to add some value try fasting it will help u a lot first u will try to control the eating issue and forget the porn . I suggest also reading about girls and the natural sex because your brain will start to notice all the taboo created by p*** . And if you can start with going to gym to get that testosterone to your muscle and finally just do it .
    My English is bad if i have some grammar mistakes feel free to correct me . And god bless u
     
  12. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Good job with 45 (or more) days. Keep going.

    One thing to be careful of - and to work against it happening - As journeys get longer (and 45 to 50 days is already getting longer) sometimes its possible to start losing sight of your goals, objectives, and reasons "why I am here". When you lose sight of your "why's" motivation can decrease and resets and relapses often follow. Don't let that happen to you. Do something each and every day to keep your "why's" in the front of your mind. One way is to write them down and the read them each day at least once (more is better). Whatever works for you is fine, as long as you keep your goals fresh in your mind.

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
  13. I was in the same boat when I was still heavily involved in watching porn. I was really thinking that I was turning gay. Although I had a girlfriend and have always loved women, I would start fantasizing about being the women in porn after a couple of years into it and it was such a huge kick I spiraled into some sort of identity crisis and hocd because of it. It got so bad that I decided to date men to have sex with them but I would always instantly be repulsed when I met up with them and would know it wasn't for me. So I never did have sex with them. But I would always have my little gay fantasies when I would watch porn and they got worse and worse. Porn will get you to that point eventually. These gay fantasies in my case got much worse the moment I lost my virginity to a girl, not because I don't like sex with women, but because of the novelty cravings. Porn is all about out with the old and in with the new. Once you've been there done that so to speak, your mind will turn its attention to 'new' and exotic things just to get bigger and better orgasms. At that point you are so rewired and desensitized you'll be turning to gay, sissy or transwoman stuff just to avoid tolerance in your receptors. And it destroys the soul in the process.
     
    Reptile1527 likes this.
  14. kekeconfused

    kekeconfused New Fapstronaut

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