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Strategies with Urges

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by ADMG, Sep 19, 2020.

  1. ADMG

    ADMG Fapstronaut

    Hello all,

    Looking for some tips. I've realized that the best way for me to avoid PMO is to be diligent about preventative strategies (things like daily prayer, daily exercise, good sleep, fasting, cold showers, etc.).

    However, I have yet to find any strategy that has proved successful when the urges actually hit, particularly (but not exclusively) when I have an excessive amount of idle time. So I'm curious, what's worked for each of you?

    And another thought: I have recently stopped drinking coffee/caffeine (not permanently, but just to reset my system). And one thing that has helped with craving coffee/caffeine, is by simply drinking decaf. I'm wondering if there's a similar "decaf" option for PMO... something to activate that pleasure center a little bit, without having to resort to PMO. (*not a perfect analogy, I know; since decaf has some caffeine in it, and you can't do a little PMO, but hopefully you get the idea...).

    Anyway, just curious if anyone has stumbled across good strategies or healthy substitutes.

    And if there's a thread (or two, or three...) that has already discussed this, please post below!
  2. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

    I think realizing that the urge is a temporary feeling and that you don't want to indulge it is important. It may seem obvious, but for me personally when urges hit sometimes I feel as if there is a part of me that wants it to overwhelm me to give me an excuse to relapse, so it tries to prolong the feeling of the urge as long as possible and make it seem stronger than it is so that can happen.

    As far as actual actions, listening to music, going outside, doing some deadhanging, and wim hof breathing help me.
    Seascape and ADMG like this.
  3. Honestly, tips like ''stop drinking coffee you'll get rid of urges'' are bullshit. Urges are always in our mind, it all depends of the way we confront them. Write down your thoughts and what you feel after you relapse so that next time you will be aware of what pmo did to you. Even better, you should write down your thoughts and feeling during the day, somehow you're gonna find your goal.
  4. Love2LongBoard

    Love2LongBoard Fapstronaut

    An urge is a feeling. According to some cognitive behavioral therapy our feelings are a result of our thinking.

    If you want to control your urges, which you can do, you need to understand how your thinking contributes to the urges you are experiencing.

    Waiting until the urge hits is like suiting up for battle when the enemy is already striking. You have to have your battle suit on all the time.

    I don’t get urges anymore. I get triggered. I remember. But I don’t get urges. I have been able to accomplish this by really owning how I think and changing any wrong thinking that exists.

    This takes time, effort, and for me, professional help. It has been the greatest thing I have ever done and has contributed to an increase of joy in every aspect of my life.

    In the meantime, there are things you can do. I used to carry around a list of the character traits that I wanted to posses, phrases that defined the man I wanted to be. I laminated it and carried it around with me. In the beginning I had a timer on my phone and read it every hour I was awake. Then I slowly lessened the frequency over time. I don’t need it anymore.

    You could put a ring on a finger You don’t generally wear a ring on. That physical reminder was enough for me at times to stop my wrong thinking. These aren’t solutions, just temporary things you can do to help in a moment of crises while you get this figured out.
    Seascape and ADMG like this.
  5. Seascape

    Seascape Fapstronaut

    I agree urges are feelings.
    This affliction is in my opinion the denial of feeling , I am at the stage of allowing feeling to surface which is resulting in urges arising .
    I am practicing seeing the urges as an opportunity to acknowledge the underlying feelings . I have masked my feelings with masterbating for as long as I can remember.
    It is such an uncomfortable practice to be honest . I live in hope that my heart will grow
  6. alphakadabro

    alphakadabro Fapstronaut

    First, you must busy yourself with something non-digital and offline during idle time. No screens, phones or computers. If you must, then disable internet during times when you are most vulnerable.

    Second, do preventative things to distract your mind in preparation for idle time: physicality and intellectuality. Training, sports, lifting, reading, studying, etc. And you should be social, as much as possible. Spend time with family. Never be alone during idle time, or minimize it.

    I've written a few posts with my best advice from interacting with guys on the forum that you may find helpful.

    My #1 Tip: Change Your Environment https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/my-1-tip-change-your-environment.288435/

    How To Use Devices In a Healthy Way https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/how-to-use-devices-in-a-healthy-way.290017/

    PMO Has No Power Over You https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/pmo-has-no-power-over-you.290204/
  7. ADMG

    ADMG Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the replies, everyone!

    @Candun : I like your thoughts about a part of us that wants the urges to overwhelm us. I definitely think that's true. And I think that awareness can help. I also liked your list of possible activities. I've taken to going outside more, and might look into the wim hof breathing method.

    @TudoBem23 : You misunderstood me on the coffee drinking part. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough in the original post. But I was trying to set up an analogy between giving up coffee and giving up PMO. Decaf can help satisfy coffee cravings. Is there a healthy alternative that can help satisfy PMO cravings? So for instance, since PMO releases a ton of dopamine, I was wondering if anyone has had success with a type of dopamine substitute for when urges hit.

    @Love2LongBoard : I completely agree about controlling thoughts in order to avoid feelings and triggers... in fact, this process for me has been a hidden blessing from the PMO addiction, in that it has forced me to become far more recollected and aware in order to avoid stumbling into temptations, urges, situations, etc. that ultimately lead to PMO. I've also tried certain things to help remind me to stay vigilant... unfortunately, I haven't had great success with most of them (probably the one exception would be when I write out a daily schedule the night before, which helps me stay on track). I may try getting a ring, though... since I'm pretty fidgety and that might help as a reminder when I feel it.

    @Seascape : It's a good reminder that the PMO is usually just a mask for underlying feelings that we have not dealt with properly. Especially after I fall, I try to look back and see what underlying feelings lead up to that point. Developing a habit of doing it more proactively would be a lot healthier.

    @alphakadabro : I completely agree about reducing or eliminating idle time as much as possible (this is actually the main reason for writing daily schedules, as mentioned in my comment to Love2LongBoard). I also avoid technology more than most, and have pretty significant restrictions on both my phone and my laptop (using PluckEye). Still, one issue I come across is that reading or studying will often lead me to feeling tired, which will then lead me to let my guard down, and eventually to PMO (this recently happened a week or 2 ago when reading Dostoevsky). More recently, I've tried to counter-act that tiredness and ritual by just getting up and going for a walk outside (also removing myself from the ritual area). But I am trying to think of some things to do while staying inside that would also disrupt that, since I do not know if going outside will always be an option.
    alphakadabro likes this.
  8. Sacred Fire

    Sacred Fire Fapstronaut


    Hey man I can tell you a secret about coffee. Nobody knows what's really behind the drug.
    MY discovery is: any fire based substance elementally fire... That is it increases heat in you will make you hornier.

    Methamphetamine mega horny. Alcohol horny caffeine horny! I noticed how bad caffeine plus nofap is man. It's a stimulant like meth. Society is just retard.

    If u guys wanna stop PMO consider quitting stimulant a too. I can tell u in gym coffee+ hot girls make me PMO can't control. Lol... Picking up babes and staring at their asses and vaginas like a dog. Hahaha.

    Umm yeah. Thermogenic is synonymous with hornyness. Cut the coffee bro
  9. alphakadabro

    alphakadabro Fapstronaut

    It sounds to me like you have a really good handle on this. Remember the reasons why you started and hold onto the hope you had in the beginning. You have everything you need to succeed.
  10. purify myself

    purify myself New Fapstronaut

    i am completely with you on that. i have long restraited my urges by getting down to schoolwork or doing exercise but it helps temporarily. once the pent-up sexual desires reach the point at which you feel that it overwhelms you. you will release it no matter what But the so-called overwhelming state is not physical alone,the underlying feelings that we deny for some reason are also at play. i don't know the underlying feelings are exactly,ambiguous speaking, they are probably lonliness, insufficient confidence,or a lack of sense of achivement or the likes. i think i have become an escaplist who seeks for momentary pleasure and get rid of all the negtive thoughts over and over again by masturbating. i am in a dilemma of allowing thoughts to surface naturally or stemming them immediately. still long way to find the solutions.....
    alphakadabro likes this.

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