Streak Counter vs. Sexual Health as a Goal

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by DaveHana, Dec 24, 2018.

  1. DaveHana

    DaveHana Fapstronaut

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    It's my opinion that the focus of this forum on a Day Streak as the ultimate goal, while well intended, hinders male sexual health. Abstaining from Porn and Masturbation to break an addiction is undoubtedly good and healthy. However, I see too many posts of guys getting caught up in the Day Streak number and turning this into a competition. These posts are rife with frustration and anxiety. Wouldn't it be healthier if guys are focusing on having healthy sexual behaviors and relationships rather than chasing a number?

    It seems to me that Porn is the real problem, and if guys break the Porn addiction, they can be free to use sex and non-compulsive, porn-free masturbation as a tool for sexual health. Guys that are more sexually satisfied will be less frustrated and anxious. Further, if guys hold to Mantak Chia's Golden Cycle and only cumming at age-prescribed intervals, wouldn't this lead to optimal sexual health?
     
  2. YeetBoi21

    YeetBoi21 Fapstronaut

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    I’m using the counter to motivate me, I like completing stuff and achievement and stuff, so I wanna get as high as possible, reached 75 yesterday but....
     
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  3. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    The PMO tracker is not the focus of this website. Rather, "NoFap is a comprehensive community-based porn recovery website. We offer all the tools our users need to connect with a supportive community of individuals determined to quit porn use and free themselves from compulsive sexual behaviours." [Sic]

    Every new member decides for him/herself what tools they will use in pursuit of their recovery. To use the tracker tool you have to opt in (as you have), but it is not mandatory. If people want to reboot and continue having sex they are free to do so and the tacker can be set up with that in mind. The same is true of masturbation and the tracker can be set up only to count the days since porn was last viewed. So, I do not see your point Dave.
     
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  4. DaveHana

    DaveHana Fapstronaut

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    My point is that trying to reach some number (say 90 days) is an arbitrary goal that isn't based on what is sexually healthy for an individual man. In particular, guys that have already broken the porn habit and kicked the compulsive masturbation addiction, may be better served by asking themselves "how can I achieve sexual health" rather than trying to attain some arbitrary number.
     
  5. Dudes_manrod

    Dudes_manrod Fapstronaut

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    I see the points both of you are making

    Kamakiri you are correct in bringing attention to the personal accountability the counter really represents. It is up to the user to set it up, be honest with themselves about what they consider a "relapse", and what aspects of P, M, or O they are specifically working on.

    I would also agree with Dave though, that many member's have a tendency to let their self-esteem through recovery and personal maintenance be too attached to the number on the counter. It's an inherent facet with having any kind of public record of your private struggles.

    I guess TL;DR would be; the counter isn't a problem in and of itself, but it isn't a terrible idea to take stock of how we view it or let it affect us. Are we more reluctant to respond on the forum when we have a low number on the counter? Do we feel we won't be taken as seriously if we seem like we just had a relapse ourselves? Do our motivations to keep abstaining from PMO come more from concern for health, or upkeep of our image as a Master Fapstronaut?

    "But let each one examine his own actions, and then he will have cause for rejoicing in regard to himself alone, and not in comparison with the other person."
    (Helpful Bible principal I appreciated growing up)
     
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  6. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    Abstaining from sex isn't detrimental in the least; whereas PMO is utterly destructive. Sex in the proper context is good; outside of that it will bring suffering and grief, no way around it. Outside of proper context it will bring a multitude of health issues. There are no health disadvantages in abstaining from sex.
     
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  7. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    The counter is a good motivator, and if it helps you push a little further than that may be all it takes to break free.
     
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  8. DaveHana

    DaveHana Fapstronaut

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    How do you define abstinence? A few weeks, months, years or one's whole life (as in priests and monks)?

    Also, what's your evidence for that statement? Here are a few links that contradict that thesis:

    https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2014/07/07/is-abstinence-unhealthy

    The health benefits of sex are: "relieving stress and helping you fall asleep" ... "protective effect on the heart, lowering the risk of heart attack in men" ... "increases blood flow to the genitals and probably helps the immune system"​

    https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0301051105000736?via=ihub

    Penile–vaginal intercourse but not other sexual behavior is associated with better psychological and physiological function.​

    https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/j5epex/what-abstinence-does-to-your-brain
    "For people who believe that abstinence is going to help them, the belief itself may be driving some of the benefits."
    "there's a lot of evidence that engaging in regular sexual behavior is physically and emotionally helpful for both men and women"​

    Plus there is the whole incel problem:
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...201804/the-incel-involuntary-celibacy-problem
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...o-the-toronto-suspect/?utm_term=.5d6a769f12ec
     
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  9. leo da king

    leo da king Fapstronaut

    I agree with both of you. There are disadvantages for abstaining from sex and there are disadvantages of not abstaining from sex.

    Everything in life has disadvantage(maybe 2 exceptions).
     
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  10. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    There are health advantages for sex in it's proper context -- but there are also other health advantages from abstaining. What is certain, PMO and sex outside it's God ordained context is a curse, and will bring about destruction upon your body and health. If you haven't realized that you haven't been paying attention.
     
  11. DaveHana

    DaveHana Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the reply. I'm still confused. What are the health advantages of abstaining? How long should a man abstain? What is your evidence of the health benefits of abstinence?

    I agree that porn is a detriment, but who determines what types of sex God has ordained? For example, is oral allowed? I didn't see anything about blowjobs in the bible. Maybe I have the wrong version.
     
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  12. Woodcutter74

    Woodcutter74 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Dave, interesting thread. You made a lot of valid points... from my personal experience, I was able to quit PMO for 67 days. The counter did help me, but at the same time it made me adopt other bad habits as well which I will not bore anyone with long details. For 67 days, I did not miss the porn and when I broke my streak, it was real women that were the cause, not porn. It felt great four months ago, but months later porn came back into my life and I was back where I started.....

    Before one quits PMO, one has to take a deep look who they are inside,how they feel, what they don't like about themselves and their life situation that led them to the downward cycle of PMO. Once one is self aware and mindful of why they practice this bad habit ( anxiety, self esteem issues, stress, etc.) , it should be replace with good habits that make you a better person with a better perception on life.

    As for sexual abstinence, the only benefits I can see is your state of mind and the reasons one has sex. If you are having sex with a women because she is hot, attractive, trustworthy and someone you care for, the physical and psychological benefits are awesome. But if your purpose to have sex is driven by anxiety, depression, forgetting an ex, self esteem issues, an addiction and treating the women as a play thing, this is the only reason why I could see abstinence as a must, because you are doing it to fill a void in your life....
     
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  13. DaveHana

    DaveHana Fapstronaut

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    Brilliant post Woodcutter. Lots of insight packed in there.

    To pose an analogy, abstinence from sex and porn is a critical tool in a man's mission to build a new house (healing and personal growth). It's like the concrete in your home's foundation. Once the foundation is laid, you know that you have a sturdy base upon which to build your house. Eventually you finish building your house, you get some times to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Once your house is built you have to continually work to maintain it, repair it and redecorate it. All the while you maintain keen awareness of the state of your house. Over time shit happens, erosion, water damage even earthquakes can fuck up your foundation. At the first sign that of a crack, you grab your mortal and trowel and patch that shit up before your basement floods and your home is ruined.
     
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  14. RollerCoaster

    RollerCoaster Fapstronaut

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    Very crucial thread, nice!
     
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  15. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    My dick will tell me when I’m healed not the counter.
     
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