I always struggle with that advice. It is not the first time I have heard it. And I mostly agree. But, is there not an opportunity to help the person 'to wake up'? I don't mean actually try to force change the person, but only help with the first step... help them see that there is even a problem? Then, after that, the rest is on the person. Admittedly, I can't force her to see the problem, but I can try to show her the light every once in a while. If she still doesn't see it, I have to decide if the relationship is still worth it, and then I have to learn to live with my decision and be strong and happy with that decision. Aren't staged interventions a way to help someone 'to wake up'? In our marriage, there was a time where my wife was convinced she was controlled by her emotions and that was who she was, and that she didn't have any problems, she was just 'being herself', a ticking emotional time bomb. She finally sought help, but only after I stood resolute and refused to cave or apologize for her bad behavior. In that situation, it took action (or lack of action) on my part for her to start questioning herself and become introspective about her behavior. Maybe that could happen again.