Strong feet fetish vs nofap

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by 4DCreator, Sep 4, 2018.

  1. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    Hi guys

    I am new to the forum but I have already read loads of articles and forums here. I have very strong feet fetish as I like women soles. So you can imagine me in the summertime :( I do apologize for the long story.

    I never had a problem to explain to my ex-girlfriends that I have this "feature" and they never actually had a problem with it at all.

    Problem is that a year ago I have finished the relationship with my ex-girlfriend as she had narcissistic personality disorder (so I had to save my life literally) As a narcissistic woman she was extremely attractive and also sexual. So all my fantasies were met. I don't go anymore into detail. I had a huge problem to disconnect as my extreme addiction to her but I did so! I am very proud of that, but now I have a huge problem.

    Problem is that I became extremely addicted to her sexually (and she knew that and was using it against me) Now I am not with her anymore for a 1 year and I also found out about nofap communities. I never even realized before that I could have a problem. I felt like a normal man while doing all my normal "duties". I didn't have any girl from that breakup as I have narcissistic victim abuse trauma so I am trying to put myself together through not having a woman at all.

    I am trying to get rid of masturbation and porn but I struggle with huge loneliness and very low self-esteem (narcissistic abuse will make you have very low self-esteem) I was watching porn for about 22 years and did masturbation for about 17 years. Never really had a problem with girls at all until I met this Narcissistic very attractive woman. It looks like my addiction just emerged from the unconscious mind into conscious and now I know about it and struggle with it. Interesting is that my "didn't know about" porn and masturbation lifestyle didn't really affect my dating and success in my life in earlier stages.

    After the break up I started to fap 2x-3x a day and watch porn even 3-4 hours a day (not every day) as I missed my ex-girlfriend. Never did these in such an extreme manner before. I started to realize that I have some problem. Also fapping made me very tired mentally and low vibration and depleted so, therefore, all my other aspects of my life were going down to drain.

    So from January 2018 I am trying to do nofap but never did more than 14 days of nofap/not using porn (14 days is my longest ever record) then I did 11 days as a second record and usually I do like 5-6 days and then I relapse.

    The problem here is that I am extremely aroused by woman soles and especially in the summer you can see that everywhere. I used to enjoy this "feature" while not knowing about nofap and that I have a problem, but right now with nofap it puts me down very badly as I want to recover. Many times I have fantasies about women feet and it can take hours and I can't stop it, no matter what I am doing. Also, I run some little businesses from Instagram and sometimes I see women soles even on Instagram which is pretty annoying (not looking for it). Literally, women feet can make me horny 100 percent without seeing anything else (of course it needs to be nice looking woman)

    Some features to consider

    1. I am a quite good looking man and always had great feedback from women

    2. For the last year, I struggle with an extreme loneliness as I am in the different country. I am a more intellectual and deep man so not really going for drinks even though I enjoy being social of course, but I enjoy deep talks with smart people, which here where I am now is a problem to find. Also, I struggle with narcissistic abuse trauma from the previous relationship so I am trying to put myself together through self-development and hobbies and behavioral activation plus cognitive behavioral therapy. I have very low self-esteem but not because of porn but because my ex-girlfriend put me down badly because of work and money and her goddess expectations.

    3. I probably have some childhood trauma from my mother as she is toxic (some emotional deprivation in my unconscious mind) so therefore I have a predisposition to addiction (as any other man who had mother issues) Porn/fap is the only addiction I have, I never had anything else.

    4. I never had low self-esteem by watching porn and masturbating, I never had any sexual problems regarding to it also, I never had a problem to speak to girls (I am not shy) I never needed porn for being turned on in the bed. Porn only makes me a problem that I am addicted to watching it and therefore my vision of women (more as sexual objects) is disgusting and I want to get rid of it as I am not proud of myself. I also believe that because of porn consumption I stayed with my disordered ex-girlfriend so long as my sexual needs were met while having a very attractive woman. I did see a toxic behavior but I also knew I am bonded to her through sex and I can't disconnect for some reason. (But I did and I am very proud!)

    I would love, love, love to see how is life behind this sick "wall" of addiction and really don't know how to unwire from this. My brain at this moment is extremely wired to my ex-girlfriend and experience I had with her and also to women soles on the top of it. Trying any possible solution to unwire (without visiting a therapist as I don't have money for that) When I see women soles I can become sweating in 3 seconds and my heart-beat is going crazy and my fantasies are going all over the place. I have to be extremely careful to any input that goes through my eyes.

    I never really thought that this will become such a huge struggle in my life and I will come to the forum to speak about it but here I am, vulnerable and honest as much as I can. I appreciate that you read it all and any kind advice would be strongly appreciated.

    Thank you
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. 7finestjrl7

    7finestjrl7 Fapstronaut

    I will be keeping you in my prayers. Don't forget to actively change your pattern of thought during these struggles:
    This sounds like a great opportunity to practice Anthony Robbins' technique to master destructive thinking patterns:

    With prayer,
    4DCreator likes this.
  3. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    Thank you, very kind Anthony !! I will have a look into that
  4. ramboeea

    ramboeea Fapstronaut

    dear i feel what you are talking about... i'm also too have hard foot fetish, but you know what in the last few months after abstaining from it about 2 months i started to become more attracted to woman body as common, the thing is if you go with this urge to women feet it will become stronger and stronger overtime, once you abstain from it for enough time you will start to control it more, iam now in the phase that iam try to do some research and reading books about CBT to help me get rid of it for good.
    believe me this thing will be always a weak point for you that any girl you hang with (even if she ok with it) can take advantage of it when something happens between you.
    you have just to decide that enough is enough and this won't happen ever again... it will be difficult in the beginning but after some time you will be more comfortable while abstaining from it.
    important note: in the beginning stay away from anything or situation that will trigger your urge to it (summer beach, sit near to women feet...etc)
    4DCreator likes this.
  5. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your insights! I am using as much willpower as I have, but I found out that willpower is not enough, will see. I really want to try 90 days NoFap journey and (then forever nofap) but my strong feet-fetish puts me badly down. Didn't expect this ...
  6. ramboeea

    ramboeea Fapstronaut

    you are right willpower will not give you what you want, on the other hand dealing with your bad feelings and thoughts will be more benefit that willpower... you can't depend on it.
    4DCreator likes this.
  7. I've always found feet arousing, this can make rebooting harder as it's normal for women to go barefoot. Nevertheless, this can be dealt with during the reboot. It is no different than any other urge, it simply requires a focused mind and definiteness of will.

    Here's what I did to deal with urges/triggers:
    - First of all for the obvious part, always look away, look at women's faces and away from the body. This will be come easier the more you do it.
    - Don't try to get rid of the urge by suppression, but don't pay attention to it either. Let it come and go like a cloud through your mind, without getting stressed out about it and without engaging with it. Usually the feeling will pass completely within a couple minutes.
    -If the urge/feeling is really insistent, redirect your mind to what you want, the reasons why you're rebooting. I was trying to decondition myself from simple promiscuity and choose love over lust, so I would repeat in my mind my desire for a loving relationship when an urge hit. I would say: 'I want real sex with a girl that I love, not porn/fantasy/ogling/etc.'

    These 3 things were extremely effective for me and all I needed to do to reboot successfully. I quit all porn, fantasy, masturbation, etc., have no desire for anything but the girl I love.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 6, 2018
  8. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    Thank you very much, that's a fantastic piece of advice. I see you have 332 days of nofap. I am very envious in a positive way that you made it so far! Well done, I would love to get into such a position once. I can't even imagine that my brain will slowly unwire from this sick reality I am in right now. My fantasies are taking over very often, especially because of loneliness. But if you say it will unwire then I believe you and looking forward to my daily fights and self-development for future. Thank you for your comprehensive advice, appreciate.

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