Struggles before bed?

I keep a book by the bed and read until I get tired to fall asleep.

 

I'm a year plus into recovery. And 98% of the time I fall asleep to a podcast. I actually look forward to going to bed a bit earlier so I can lay there with my eyes closed and listen to one of my favorites.
I get the same way. If it was just quiet my mind would quickly go into fantasy. So I find listening to podcasts is not only relaxing. It helps me forget the fantasy or prevents them from even coming. Highly recommend you search for a few different podcasts that you may enjoy! Obviously stay away from any that may be sexually stimulating .

 

I can relate to you, @safarihats . Personally I would suggest to you, firstly, to keep your phone far from you and your bedroom before going to bed; do some exercise and get tired, so you'll be fall asleep very quickly and you won't have the forces to fantasize. Or, as another user said, try reading a book until you get tired.

 

Books or podcasts both work well. If you're going to listen to a podcast though, I'd recommend downloading it to a device that doesn't have access to the internet e.g. an MP3 player. I've found that being on the internet at all isn't a good idea before bed.

 

Yes, aside from morning horniness, this is my number one cause of relapse. It's about 50/50 between the two. Sometimes I can break the urges with a determined mindset. In fact, I think that is the single best way. It gets better as I stay abstinent for longer periods. The reason I don't try to distract myself is #1 to practice discipline and controlling my urges; #2 because I don't like to get into the habit of only being able to sleep with distractions; #3 even when I distract myself with stuff, I still relapse a lot. Therefore, the best way to kill urges (day urges, night urges, morning urges) is through sheer determination, at least from my experience.

 

I have been searching forums and reading the literature on this site, but I cannot find anything that confirms or my technique or rejects it.

To conquer the urge at, and in the middle of the night I wear a jock strap with an impact resistant cup.

When I feel my hands moving toward myself, I hit that hard shell and I remember what I'm trying to do, and in the middle of the night when you shift positions and sheet slides across you- the cup protects you from that stimulation.

I'm unsure if using tools to keep from touching is an approved "NoFap" protocol but it does work. I wonder if it's like a heroine addict beating the urge by using methodone.... Yeah it's not heroine, but it's also not quitting.

Moderator help with this idea would be appreciated.

 

i never struggled before bed

 

Congrats

 

Since I don't stay up anymore that time of day seems to be no longer a problem - if anything it's the morning or weekends like the other week when I resorted to using a novel taste to derail that train of thought but that's like one time out of 3 weeks and the morning urges are very weak and very brief, it takes me very little time to wake up now and without forcing myself.

Of course I've been working on sleep hygiene for a LONG time. I don't try to cram a lot of online time at night, I know it's going to screw up my day. Even if I don't have to work the next day why don't I just do whatever I want to do the next day? Of course I'm also doing a general digital declutter.

The basic idea is to structure your entire day, it isn't just about night time before bed, it isn't just about number of hours sleeping but a consistent pattern. I have set times when I eat, exercise, (walking) and sleep. Getting back to sunlight exposure though even before that I had the full spectrum lamp at my desk at work.

The thing is there is no one little trick or a bag of tricks like cold showers and push-ups or something like that, which are nice things to do but doesn't train your body process overall. Your body starts building melatonin slowly very early and it accumulates, depending on a persons genetics they may really need to wind down for bed much earlier. You can still do stuff but you want to start a routine that sets you up for rest, watch all sources of blue light not just screens, etc.

I could go on and on but then it gets too long for most peoples tastes but the information for this kind of stuff is out there and has been talked about on this forum before and can be found with some searches. The point is though you have to have a routine, and you have to do it consistently. Everything I mentioned has a rationale and a biological basis, for example muscles have clock genes, (exercise) light through the eyes activates the suprachiasmatic nucleus which is the master clock of the body, etc.

 

I used to suffer from this sister. Fix your sleep schedule. Only go to bed when you are tired. Stay away from electronic devices 1 hour before going to bed. Idk how bad your addiction is but for me, i can only masturbate to porn. That said what i did to break free from it was switching off my phone and laptop, and putting them in my cupboards. This will atleast ensure u are safe from porn. This has helped me alot as i previously suffered from Porn induced insomnia. Hope this helps because it sure has helped me

 

Just reading this oldish thread and I just wanted to pick up on this bit, because I relate to that. When I started trying to quit porn I would get wild thoughts that I was unable to turn away from and eventually my resolve would snap and I knew that I would turn back to porn, and I did, every time my resolve snapped. But then I learnt a simple trick (from @DayOne44). This will sound silly but when my resolve snapped I would say to myself "No, I do not do that anymore". That simple sentence reminded me that I've done enough porn to last a liftime already, and that that's not what I do now. The strange thing is that even after you have given in, the point at which, as you say, "it's a guaranteed end in a relapse" it isn't. There is always time to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Remember, we do not need to be strong, just strong enough.