Struggling Again. My loneliness is my undoing.

After 69 days abstinence/semen retention i fell off.

My loneliness forced me to go back to watching po*n because let's be honest, Po*n really takes the edge off loneliness. That's a fact.

Now for some days now I'm not watching po*n but I'm seriously jacking off and I'm seriously scared for my future.

I truly and honestly desire to be in a loving relationship with someone but it's like someone cast a spell on me that i would never find anyone to love me. I'm truly and sincerely scared.

In my 36 years i have had a couple of unfulfilling and brief relationships. But I've now realized i really don't know how to woo women.

I'm so frustrated.

I know a part of my problem is the fact that i have a crippling insecurity that results from my teenage years' trauma.

I suffered serious acne that sort of left my face in really bad shape during my teenage years. This traumatized me and left me suicidal most times.

Right now, after all this time, my face has improved significantly (although not restored to the natural texture), but my insecurity still remains. That's the main thing. Everytime I see a woman i like, the crippling fear holds me back from approaching.

I have tried every self motivation to push through this but it's just not working.

My insecurity will not leave me alone.

As for the women I've been with, honestly I'm almost convinced it was pure LUCK that brought them close to me -- not necessarily any particular steps i took, even though I was the one who usually made the first step.


I'm so tired of this life. I don't want to be lonely but i am.

Why do I have to live like this?

 

When i was abstaining, i aimed for 100 days.

During that period, i truly believed i would find a woman to love me.

Sadly i didn't.

I don't know what else to do.