Struggling to subdue M

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Feelip92, Apr 3, 2019.

  1. Feelip92

    Feelip92 New Fapstronaut

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    So I've joined NoFap about 2 months ago. I started it because I have trouble cumming in my sex life (delayed ejaculation). I used to take 2h or so total, after 1 and half+ I'd have to start M cos my partners either get sore, or tired from multiple orgasms or even bored (non-spoken, but I can sense it). Then I spend 20 or so mins with M to finish. I keep things entertaining by mixing it up with BJs, going down on them, bit of 69, telling them to M me, etc.

    It helps a lot that I have a relationship now which is mostly based on frequent sex. I've managed to bring porn under control and M a lot less frequently (from around 5 days per week, sometimes more than once in a day, down to about twice per week when we don't see each other for 5+ days straight). I don't really use porn videos any more and try to M from pictures only so as to increase my brain's ability to fantasise again rather than being spoon fed a fantasy.

    I'm enjoying sex a lot more and I find my partner a lot more attractive after quitting porn, but I am still not finding enough stimulation to cum from sex, anal or BJs. I still take around 1h and a bit to cum now and still need to finish through M every time. Managed a couple of times to finish while she was masturbating me, but most of the time it takes forever and her arms get tired, at which point it ruins it for me as I don't want her to be in pain, so I have to take over. The urge to finish is intense, so the sex must be doing something for the buildup I guess, otherwise I wouldn't feel like this.

    I'm out of ideas at this point. I don't even remember ever cumming from sex alone so this is also a problem. I need tons of visual, auditory, sensing stimulation to push me over the edge. (she's not much of a dirty talker unfortunately, I have to instigate it). I think I'll be OK after it happens the first time.

    I read somewhere that I should try getting close to the edge, then getting inside of her for the climax. This is problematic because I have to move from a M position to a penetrating position and ruins the focus/moment for me which can lead to a ruined orgasm that feels awful, then have to M like another 5mins to get back to where I was before.

    Any suggestions? I suspect my penis isn't sensitive enough yet from death grip and the fact that I have to finish through masturbation every time is perpetuating the issue.

    PS:I have fleshlights but can't use them right now as I am in shared accommodation and it's too risky going to the bathroom to clean the fleshlight.
     
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  2. helpfuldude

    helpfuldude Fapstronaut

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    Some suggestions:

    - You can masturbate in a way similar to sex, without squeezing, and using lots of lube.
    - You can commit to not ejaculating without vaginal sex. Maybe this way, there would be some build up in a week or two, and you can release it during vaginal sex. For this, you have to acknowledge the fact that sex does not always have to end in ejaculation. If you both enjoyed it, it's good.
    - The fact that you need lots of stimulus is a result of porn addiction. This may sound cheesy but you can try to focus on her, your feelings for her, and your harmony together.
     
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  3. Feelip92

    Feelip92 New Fapstronaut

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    I had a major breakthrough, but not in the way one would think. So turns out, I was using my fleshlight wrong to solve my problem. Instead of using it to M, I tried fucking it instead in a standing position. Felt incredibly similar to sex and as it turns out, I had the same problem climaxing as with sex and took me about 1h, with porn in front of me, and I struggled to climax, but did so in a really weird way and intensely like never before on my own, and a bit better than M with a partner.

    This is a two-fold breakthrough for me because it means.
    #1 I am having trouble multi-tasking eg. doing something and focusing on sensations at the same time. (+Possible residual sensitivity issues from death grip as well.)
    #2 makes sense why a partner can't make me climax because I am doubtful to relinquish control because, historically, I don't trust them to know me well enough to "do me" properly in such a way that I don't have to intervene, introducing problem #1 again. So I'm always on the edge that my partner won't be able to satisfy me the way I need at any given time (eg. match tempo, speed, pressure, perfectly as I need it at any given time).

    This explains lots of things for me. Like why the times I remember climaxing with a partner was when they were doing me so good/perfect that I wasn't distracted from the sensations. Or why 1 of my go-to porn types is female completion. Or why when I use M to finish myself off, it often helps to have a finger inside my partner while she grinds on it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2019
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  4. synthetic

    synthetic Fapstronaut

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    I can only speak from my experience but I've kind of been in a similar situation. I haven't hardly cum during sex that much myself in my life, because I've been such a fapper and that's what I'm used to. I usually always just finish myself off. But lately laying off the P (it's been 4 months), and the times when I haven't been fapping at all I've noticed that I'm just bursting in the end to have sex. I haven't felt like that in years. I've also noticed I'm more sensitive down there after years of death gripping. Giving it time has worked for me. I relapsed recently with MO and it's brought it all undone in a way. But I can't wait to get back to how I was before, as it's the way forward for me.
     
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  5. Feelip92

    Feelip92 New Fapstronaut

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    I went down a more progressive route and switched from P videos to P photos. Seems to work. Gives me a fantasy subject without spoon feeding me a fantasy. In other words, brain engaged vs brain dead whilst M. Eventually I obviously want to stop P.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2019
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  6. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    You have a sex partner, just O with sex only by BJ or PIV. If you have sex and you don´t O don´t worry. Wait for the next time, don´t finish you off. Eventually your dick will be full and will heal from insensitization. Eventually you will explode inside her.
    I had this issue at the end of 2017 and after only 10 days of no O i came 2 days in a row inside her with condom. I read that for some guy took them longer but they heal at the end. Stop mastubation right now and you will see quicker results.
     
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  7. Feelip92

    Feelip92 New Fapstronaut

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    Quick question. How do I know when to stop having sex though if I don't O? I can go for hours hard...
     
  8. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    A good moment to stop is when you know that your are not going to be able to cum and you know she is already satisfied (she O'ed a couple of times or ask for u to cum).
    Let her know that it´s ok for u not O'ing. You are looking for something better than MO'ing and you will wait until it happen to O inside her.
     

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