Struggling with edging

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Trevelyan357, Feb 14, 2019.

  1. MustangSally

    MustangSally Fapstronaut

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    Awesome! Anything that can help you focus your attention on something non-PMO is a good thing in my mind! Well, all things except other negative addictions and idolizing women :) . I most recently got back into retro video game systems like NES, SNES & SEGA. There is a market now for the buying & selling of retro games/systems for whatever reason. I'm having a tremendous amount of fun replaying the old systems and I feel I am reconnecting with my childhood again. Also trying to make a little cash!

    From what you describe, it sounds like you are not satisfied with your current job and are seeking day time employment elsewhere which I think is GREAT! Use that as a motivator, but don't use your current job as a crutch to PMO. You can dig yourself out of this shit. You already beat drinking, which A LOT of people struggle with. I myself vastly slowed down my drinking, but was once a drunken fool way too often. Just keep redirecting your thoughts. Literally say "NO" in your mind when PMO thoughts enter and keep doing it while trying to improve on the things you want to better in your life. That's really what the nofap journey is about IMO anyway. We kick old, shitty habits sure, but we IMPROVE what we have....ourselves! Nofap is a process to help identify and begin going after what you truly want in life.

    Stay in control. Understand you are always in control. Urges are temporary. They WILL pass. They only become standard when you give them life. Keep redirecting!
     
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  2. Beachcomber

    Beachcomber Fapstronaut

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    Hey Trev, I too have been away. Before yesterday, I hadn’t been here since November 2017. I’m masturbating to porn about twice/week, but looking at some daily, or a lot daily. A couple years ago, I used to edge by masturbating to images for hours. But now I look at & collect images & videos of guys masturbating or having penetrative sex, or reading erotic love stories for several or many hours til I’m off the charts horny & then I masturbate & finish in 5-10 minutes & that’s that. I just learned that looking & collecting without masturbation is another form of edging, I didn’t know that.

    I’m heavily involved in SAA & love it, I’ve been there since September 2015. Before that I had been in AA for 33 years, so the program & steps were firmly ingrained, & they absolutely work, but you have to work them & try to live them. I have 1 year & 9 months of abstinence in SAA.

    I have an SAA friend who constantly acts out anonymously, but keeps coming & sharing. He’s well known & we all love him. Our group is said to be the biggest in the US. Our weekday nooners number about 35. Our Saturday morning meeting numbers close to 100 men, its a stag. The love is amazing, we’re here in Los Angeles.

    I used to have trouble cuz I had trouble opening up when I called or texted. I was great at sharing in meetings though (AA training). I would always ask the guy I called or texted how he was, & when he said “I’m good, things are great,” that was it. I never told them the struggles I was having, how I was hurting & about my heartaches. Even though I have a little bit of time, I know I don’t have this thing down. But I wanna look like a guy who’s got it down. Well, that’s all pride & ego. I learned that after the guy says whatever he says including any struggles, I MUST let go of fear & ego & get real. The only way to handle fear is to go thru it. I cannot recover if I don’t let anyone in. This is a disease of isolation, guilt, shame & remorse.

    Alcohol & drugs are tough to beat. All addictions are tough. But I’ll tell you & I’ve heard over 300 men say that sex addiction is the mother-fu**er of ALL addictions. Putting the plug in the jug is what you do & the behavior is stopped. But we’re genetically programmed as sexual beings & stopping sex altogether isn’t healthy either. We must commit to finding a healthy sex life. Our disease is a 3-pronged disease, it’s a physical allergy, a mental obsession & involves a spiritual malady. Only a close personal relationship with some power greater than ourselves can help us recover. Without that, recovery is impossible. This is what I’ve discovered. Please read “The doctor’s opinion” at the beginning of the Big Book again. When I did that for the first time in SAA & condidered its meaning in relationship to my sex addiction, it hit me like a ton of bricks right square in my face.

    Please feel free to PM me, let’s talk?
     
  3. PornFreeMe

    PornFreeMe Fapstronaut

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    I'm there with you, bro. Can't seem to stop edging. I don't release anymore. But fuck, it's almost worst. I think I probably spend more time edging now than I ever looking for porn and just finishing the damn deed. For me though emotionally, not releasing myself is way better. I feel so much more confident, happy, outgoing, and energetic with a full tank. Emptying yourself every night just ain't fucking good, it'll mess you up big time. Edging is awful and wastes so much time (I've done several hour edge sessions myself), but progress is gradual. Rome wasn't built in a day. If you wanked to porn for 15 years, maybe you need to edge for 2.

    Progress is gradual. Edging, while it wastes a fuck ton of time, is still better than looking at porn and orgasming imo. Baby steps. Your struggle isn't alone, I'm right there with ya.
     
  4. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah this is something that my step group and I have touched on in the past. Some of us have this dialogue going on in our minds where we want to wait until we are "perfect" before throwing ourselves out into the world. Well here I am at 33 years old. No point in waiting any longer. I think having someone in my life would be a huge help.
     
  5. edging is out of the question. it's the end of the line.
     
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  6. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! Yeah I agree with your assessment that sex addiction is like the big one. It costs nothing in terms of money, easy to access, and feeds off our genetic need to reproduce. I'm not a religious/spiritual person, so the higher power and mindfulness meditation stuff has never worked for me.

    You are right that this is addiction thrives off of isolation and I need to let people in if I want to recover. But because of my issues with trusting other people, I have a hard time with this. I don't let just anyone in.
     
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  7. Beachcomber

    Beachcomber Fapstronaut

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    @Trevelyan357, thanks for your reply. Please feel free to write me anytime, here or in PM or by email. None of us can do this alone.
     
  8. Krishna108

    Krishna108 Fapstronaut

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    damn bro edging = relapse. if you're watching porn you've failed
     
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  9. Nickthetrick

    Nickthetrick New Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone,

    I understand the struggle with edging. I have been abstaining from porn and organism for a little over two months now, however, my thoughts keep hijacking me and I end up using a P-subs. Recently it has been the website Fetlife this site is about BDSM lifestyle and is kind of like facebook for kinky people. Well, I have been viewing the pictures on the site like porn and I am ashamed of myself. This addiction had its beginning when I was 10 or 11 years old when my dad left a porn video on in his bedroom. I investigated the sound, which to me sounded like video game music. When I lifted that towel hiding the smut that was underneath my child mind exploded with hormones and dopamine that I was not prepared for. Honestly, I have picked up the fight to save my marriage and to have meaningful sex. However, this is difficult to do.
     
  10. LIF€ ₩ORRIOR

    LIF€ ₩ORRIOR Fapstronaut

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    Welcome back & don't be so hard on yourself seriously, what I'm hearing is you have a lot of character almost 3 yrs in SAA & time here that means you wont give up...
    This is me a Survivor/of incest sexual abuse & violence for a long time I numbed out with alcohol/this is short version-i celebrated 90dys many times until this one day another fellow gave me tough luv-it pissed me off but I heard him.
    AND this is what happened I found a sponsor who had what I wanted he said & I did-call him every day for a year we went through the 12 steps as many have...
    Friend its been 16yrs sober & clean My Suggestion dont just go to SAA be apart of saa get a sponsor who is willing to do the work with you & become plugged in...
    U can do this one day at a time I believe in you...Be Well.
     
  11. Napav

    Napav Fapstronaut

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  12. I agree, willpower is very important, especially in moments of cravings, urges. But I believe that at least equally important is the right understanding. When I understand that pmo is a short term pleasure, but longer term negatives. So it's like an illusion, it looks so good, rewarding, but in the end it brings more suffering an problems. When I really understand that pmo is like a form of self sabotage, that mindset helps me to stay away from it. Nofap is the only healthy and right way to go !
     

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