Stuck and addicted - need help to find a solution that works

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction Recovery' started by BruceBeforeBatman, Dec 8, 2019.

  1. BruceBeforeBatman

    BruceBeforeBatman Fapstronaut

    If you’re a nofap sage and have dealt with a serious, daily addiction to PMO and have somehow gotten out of the cycle, please help me. I need your advice. I am very desperate to get on with my life. I’ll do whatever it takes, but I’ve tried about everything there is to try with no effect.

    I’m in my early 20s in college and I am addicted to PMO. In my teens I didn’t fap but looked at images till about 19 or 20, then have been a full PMO addict for 3-4 years at this point. It’s like I’m making up for lost time now I guess. In the last 4 years I’ve tried to go a week without PMO but could never make it past 3 days. By now my dopamine receptors have adapted so I’m doing it every day, sometimes multiple times per day.

    I want to stop but can’t. It’s giving me panic attacks, social anxiety, depression, brain fog, fatigue, and insomnia. I am very motivated to stop but am alone in the process with no help and few friends, and my life lacks structure and routine due to being in college and working and stress. I’ve watched YouTube videos and read forums and discussions on nofap for years but can’t seem to kick this addiction. I’m very afraid I’ll never get out of this and that I’ll waste my life. I’ve already wasted 4 years that I’ll never be able to get back. I can’t keep going like this.

    No girlfriend. I have brain fog all the time, too, which makes starting exercise and eating healthy very difficult. As previously mentioned, I’ve started having panic attacks from jacking up my system with adrenaline and cortisol so much. Never had panic attacks before PMO. Anxiety, yes, but not to that extreme. Exercise helps in the moment but you can’t exercise 24/7. Plus I have insomnia too so if I lie down to go to sleep thats hours I’m sitting there practically waiting for temptation to strike. Even if I put my phone in another room I’ll just go get it to PMO.

    I am not sure recovery is truly possible for me. I’ve heard all the tips and tricks by now and to me almost all of them are just gimmicks to get you to feel better. But they don’t always work and they take a serious investment. I’ve tried therapy with several different kinds of therapists with zero success. Haven’t tried an addiction specialist yet but would like to if my insurance would accept it.

    The things that might work for me are self confidence (mine is extremely low), structure for each day (I am very disorganized), and healthy relationships (I am very isolated right now due to being busy all the time working on class projects). Also exercise makes me feel better. I just haven’t been able to figure out all the pieces and have a hard time starting new habits. It’s easy to think about these things, but I get lost when it comes to putting them into practice. My brain goes into auto-pilot mode and just does what it has always done.

    Anyway, please ask questions, give advice, and offer suggestions, but I’m really looking for a few nofap veterans who have dealt with this stuff seriously, not just like an every now and then struggle. I need to hear from someone who has been where I am - struggling EVERY DAY - and someone who has truly gotten to a better place permanently.

    I want a permanent, straightforward solution that will work. I’m tired of gimmicks. I need something to be excited enough about that I NEED to stop this, instead of just wanting to. I want a better life. I want rat park, not just a rat cage. I’m tired of being the person I’ve been. PLEASE help if you are able. Thank you.
  2. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

    I relate to that.
    You are not so special. If it has helped others it will help you too.
    That's right. Your reward system is very damaged. You can keep hesitating or quit PMO now and get rid of that evil once and for all.
  3. BruceBeforeBatman

    BruceBeforeBatman Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the reply. How do you stop something you’ve been trying to stop for 4 years?
  4. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

    I don't know. Maybe you need something really bad happening to you before you awake and put the necessary will power into it —that was my case.
  5. Meletesh

    Meletesh New Fapstronaut

    Am not the guy u are looking for,, the guy who get over it permanently,, but I tell u this I am 33 years old and I never heard about Nofap until this last September then I tried 12 day Nofap hard mode and failed and after a month am on day 24 but the main thing is that since I was 13 YO I never stayed without faping more than 2 weeks this is uncharted territory for me,, if I knew porn would fuck up my life like this I would stop long time a go,, I even have well established business have even my own house and everything but I see myself as a failure cos I still didn't have even a family but I knew that I am not gonna be the same after now that I can promise,, so u need to be strong and win over all the urges and believe me I never think I would go this far but here I am,, this is just the beginning I know that but one step at a time u will get there pls if I were in my twenties and knew all about porn I would do everything I can to stop it cos that my number one enemy. Sorry for my English be strong man u can do this
  6. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    What you are asking for (ending addiction, depression/anxiety, improving your self-esteem, structured days= goals, healthy relationships) is a long process and demands a lot of hard work. There is no straightforward solution. My entire 30 pages long journal is focused on the steps one needs to take to achieve these goals. Maybe you can find some answers in it for yourself. You need to reevaluate every aspect of your life (including your beliefs), disassemble it bit by bit and start rebuilding it on a more solid foundation.

    Here is some quick guide with most important steps, but as I've said, there is no easy fix to it (I needed 25 odd years of addiction to realize that and start to work on myself instead of just trying to abstain infinitum which can't be done because addiction is just a symptom not the cause of the problem):


    1. NEED, WANT, SEEK:

    NEED -> Realization you need to change, because I are stuck in a loop, seeking behavior that always has negative consequences
    WANT -> You really need to have a strong reason why you want to change
    SEEK -> be open to everything… learn, learn, learn. Join recovery group (forum or live).

    2. KEYS:

    1st DIET & EXERCISE -> far the most important key. Regular daily exercise helps with depression, anxiety, makes your body and mind healthy. Don't eat junk food, avoid added sugar
    2nd DEAL WITH THE PAIN FROM YOUR PAST -> Eckart Tolle: "Every Addiction starts with pain and ends with pain." Gabor Mate:" Not why the addiction, but why the pain."
    You need to resolve it or you've done nothing and you will always be one step away from a relapse.
    3rd GRATITUDE -> Your brain will rewire itself to positivity if you train it no matter how FU you are right now and you will again become the the person you deserve to be. The best version of yourself you can possibly be at a given moment.

    Don't limit yourself, seek improvement every day. You need to step out of your comfort zone. Changing behavior is uncomfortable, stopping addiction is hell. Be prepared to suffer in advance. To achieve all this you'll need determination, self-discipline and consistency. There should be no maybes, if only, just one more time anymore… Your mindset should be I'm done with PMOing for good, even if it kills me. This way it will be much easier to resist when temptation and withdrawals hit you hard.


    Last edited: Dec 9, 2019
  7. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

    There's a thread in my profile that might work for the anxiety and the addiction.