Stuck in this sissy fantasy cycle. Really need help

I think you need to cut back or quit PMO totally, but if you do relapse you must strictly stick to either solo female porn ideally or hetro porn

 

Porn for you will always lead to this for you. That is why you need to stop watching it.

 

Hi! I also have been struggling with this. I have gone as far as to experiment with my sexuality in real life. You are not alone! For me, it helps to remember the regret you feel after entertaining such fantasies. It also helps to remember how amazing real sex with a woman feels. It's tough I know. Hang in there.

 

I had even tried going on reboots, and generally after the first week or so, my heterosexual fantasies would return and these sissy fantasies would just die out.

Hey man, i've been there and felt that.
I'd like to notify you of a couple things:

• It sounds like you have HOCD. Read into this and figure out that in the end your sexuality doesn't matter, as it is not whats causing your problems. That brings me to my second point;
• Quit the porn. NOW. I read in your post that "generally after the first week or so [of reboot], my heterosexual fantasies would return and these sissy fantasies would just die out." this is the same for me. This is evidence that porn is making you CONFUSED! You also say that you feel like you're "going deeper and deeper into this shit (...)" and trust me, YOU WILL if you don't stop right now. Your dopamine monster will drag you to infinitly new horrifying/shocking experiences as it never gets satiated.
• You add that "I just don't know what to do anymore. I want my previous self back". Again, this sounds like you're confused because of porn and the added fantasy by your dopamine monster. Learn to live with the fantasy, the more days without porn and the healthier your lifestyle is, the better and healthier your thoughts/fantasy will become.
• Lastly, the fantasising about co-workers/friends is a result of your dopamine monster seeking shocking fantasy. Learn to live with it and not indulge in it, it will lessen itself with time. I assure you that.

Please read my journal so you'll see that you're not alone in your struggles.
In the end; you should find about the negative impact porn has yourself. You must FEEL this information resonate within you on a deep level. You can do this, we can do this! TTY soon brah.

 

I think the pernicious aspect of porn (of any kind) is that you can easily start to identify your feminine/sensitive part with the over-sexualized female you're watching. Then, any expression of this normal part of yourself becomes associated with those images, so you become aroused by your own "femininity" (basically everything that doesn't fall into the masculine cliché) and start repressing it which worsens the problem. Or if you don't repress it you end up fantasizing about being a girl, H/TOCD will kick in, and maybe you'll even start wondering if you should transition. That's just my current analysis anyway.
Solution ? To me it's pretty simple: get real sex with girls to remind you how awesome it is, work on your self-esteem, quit porn completely. And maybe do things that allow you to reconnect in a healthy (non-sexual) manner with your sensitivity (aka "feminine" part)

 

I fully agree King. Congrats on the 155 days btw!

 

Tell yourself you'll do just 10 minutes of intense studying on the scholarship thing. Once you start, 10 minutes will become more than 10 minutes.

 

That's what I like to hear

 

Bro, I was basically in the same boat two years ago accept I was addicted to foot fetish porn and humiliation shit, for like 2-3 years stuck in a cycle of going back and trying to quit but not being able to, one day after a specific relapse a switch flipped in my brain, what was I gonna do when a girl wanted to have sex?! I quit, I ended up getting the opportunity two months later to have sex and I couldn’t get hard, I knew I fucked myself after these years of molding my brain into this toxic shit. I quit, no PMO, 1 year. I honestly think that is the most curing you can go through, I am pretty much 100% completely healed now, I quit jerking off and didn’t orgasm until I have successful sex and that took a year, after dedicating everything to better myself working out eating well, I got to the point I deserved, now I can have normal sex with my girlfriend on a regular basis and this is something I couldn’t see myself at a little over a year ago. You need to start and the sooner you start the better off you are, I would think everyday damn I got this many days behind my back, there’s no returning now. And well now the only reason I don’t do NoFap any more is because I achieved my goal of being able to have an O with a normal sex life with another person. It’s possible.

 

You said “fresh reboot” 2 weeks ago and say “I’ll start tomorrow” I’m not trying to be rude I’m just trying to coach you as someone who’s gone through the cycle of saying they’re gonna quit, and you’re still here wanking to porn that is meant to brainwash you, I was brainwashed and it took a lot, don’t put yourself at such a low level, this isn’t you.

 

Fight the temptation!

 

Buddy, I think you are on the wrong website