Stuck on one month/venting

I'm on day 40. Last year I had a streak of around 200 days, but due to OCD resurfacing viciously, I lost it, it was around April or so. Since then I can hardly make it past first month, sometimes like 35-40 days is usually my limit. After that period of time comes some sort of delirium, in which waves of unstoppable cravings come rushing at me and won't cease until i've done the unspeakable. It goes like this - first several days after pmoing I feel like a dried out plant, no energy for anything at all, then for two weeks I get no cravings, however, there is endless fatigue present more or less the same. Week three-four is usually the best, have more energy, and still no cravings, afterwards my attraction to everything arousing returns and stars to build up, bit by bit, thought by thought and I arrive at the wretched destination you all know about - Why don't I check out whats new on my favourite xxx site?

Sometimes it goes a different way. My sexual themed OCD lures me into 'exposuring' myself to pornographic content, vainly promising that 'This will surely help bro, you will get rid of me in no time, just check out that H-game you loved so much back in the day, that's your fix bro, check it, do some compulsions while playing the game, this is the cure, I promise', but usually this happens around 30 days as well.

It was a horrible year, mom died and I started living alone, which, as you can suspect, is not a good thing for an addict, not to mention this damn quarantine. Social contact of any kind reduces the thoughts and urges, but I'm a introverted loner, always was and always will remain, thanks to, among other things, to the accursed OCD, which saps any potential from social endeavors, as proven by me many times, but at least going to the university made me interact with people. Now I only talk to my aunt and my cousin, sometimes my dad, who has another family, but those are merely courtesy calls or visits.
No friends/girlfriends of course, tried going that way but it is a negative loop for me - you can't become more social without confidence and abundance of life energy, if you don't have it people deem you boring or 'sad', and you can't create confidnce and abundance of energy without dropping pmo completely, which can't be done if you sit by yourself whole day, brooding and charging the fapping beast in your head. Plus there is OCD, always there, always making sure I'm not too happy. Well, i'm to blame for it's existence anyway, should have lived properly, not drowning my future in PMO.

I don't expect any advice or reassurance, just need to vent.