Stuck

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Soren K., Jan 6, 2018.

  1. Soren K.

    Soren K. Fapstronaut

    Hey guys,

    My story is pretty typical as most of you, I would assume, so I'll get to where am at and what my progress is.

    I'm a junior at Christian college currently and first decided that I wanted to get rid of this addiction of PMO in my freshman year. I confided in close friends to help kick the habit, but most weeks I haven't been able to go 2-3 days without relapsing. A few times I've had streaks of 10-days and of 14-days and it's been so exciting to be free during those streaks. I hugely desire to get rid of it, but there's a part of me that still draws me to relapse again.

    I've gotten rid of Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter from my phone to reduce the number of triggers, I've read books on the effects on pornography, yet I still can't kick the habit mainly of this reason: I have dreams of fantasies of having sex with other women and when I wake up, I remember those dreams, go online and relapse.

    I am a virgin too and don't have a girlfriend. I want to get rid of this addiction, to become sexually pure (not receiving sexual gratification from anyone or anything except my [future] wife). Most of you on here, and I too, desire intimacy and relationship with a woman. I want to get rid of this addiction before I date so I don't have to share this struggle with her (because I have been freed, hopefully). I know that PMO distorts my perspective of women (and a variety of other things), so I want to wait before I date. The question is, how long do I need to wait?

    Most days are fine, but there are moments where the temptation and thoughts seem to come from nowhere (like my dreams), and I get kicked down again and again. I'm stuck. Help?
     
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips which may help you along your journey.
     
  3. Soren K.

    Soren K. Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the encouragement, and you forgot the second half of that verse: "but I have come so that you may have life, and have it to the full"!
     
  4. Paperweight

    Paperweight Fapstronaut

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    Hello freebirds

    The standard "reboot" duration is said to be around 90 days (3 months), perhaps you should give this a try and see how you feel? You desire a lifelong wife, not just a college girlfriend; well, they say that a "reboot" changes you, it would probably be wise to see who you are after this process, before courting your future wife.

    I think you should at least try for 90 days, that's not much to wait. However, realistically, you are likely to fail on the first try. I will say this: if you tell yourself "I'll try abstinence for 90 days, and then date", your addicted subconscious will think "Aha! If I make him fail just once, he will give up on this abstinence challenge! And furthermore, I can trick him into rationalising quitting early by offering him the prospect of finding love sooner!" There is a little devil in your mind, you see. So, if you take on the challenge, you must swear to maintain your commitment for the whole 90 days, no matter of slip-ups.

    Don't let failure be an excuse for early exit, and you will be less prone to fail. If you break abstinence, post a confession on this forum and renew your commitment, at least for the remaining days. We will all encourage you.

    I commend you for taking action against this addiction, you have my support!
     
    Soren K. likes this.
  5. Paperweight

    Paperweight Fapstronaut

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    I forgot to add the positive: that after breaking free from your addiction you will feel more confident and genuinely be a better, more attractive man. That won't hurt with the ladies.
     
  6. Soren K.

    Soren K. Fapstronaut

    Cool. Thanks, Paperweight. This helps. After doing some browsing on here, I've decided to start with a short-term goal of 14 days, and aim for longer durations (Ie. 30 days, 60 days) until I hit 90 days. Obviously, I don't just want to stop at 90 days, but to be free of this for GOOD.

    Again, thank you for the advice. I appreciate it.
     
    Paperweight likes this.
  7. Paperweight

    Paperweight Fapstronaut

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    I'm happy to help, you sound like a good person. I joined this site the other day. I recommend adding your goal(s) to your signature, so others can contextualise your streak, and give you encouragement when you're nearing your target. :)
     
    Soren K. likes this.
  8. Protagoras

    Protagoras Fapstronaut

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    Welcome my brother. Bless you for this endeavor at being clean. HERE are some things helping me.
     
  9. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    :emoji_thumbsup:
     

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