Sudden loss of Libido and Ed at 31? Questions and need for reassurance

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by deeplearner_1988, Jan 29, 2019.

  1. deeplearner_1988

    deeplearner_1988 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys. This is the first time I am posting on NoFap. I'm looking for some hope, comfort and to see if someone can relate to my experience. Thanks in advance for your help!

    I'm 32 yo.

    I started M approx 4 to 10 times a week since I'm 12 but NOT with P.

    Started watching P at around 20 yo but I've NEVER been an addict. Sometimes I could PMO 3 times in a day and other times not open a P website for 2 weeks.

    Started sleeping with girls when I was 18.

    From 18 to 30 yo I NEVER had any sexual problem. Not even once. No ED, No PE. I slept with a fair amount of womens in my life and it went perfectly 100% of the time. I was in total control of my D*** and super confident.

    However, 6 months ago, after a break up with my ex, I started watching P websites more intensely for about 3 months. Then I decied to stop P for a while and found out after 4/5 days without PMO that I wasn't horny like I usually am. A week after, I hooked up with a girl, that I found attractive, we went to her room and I got ED for the first time in my life at 31 yo.

    It was one of the most embarassing moment of my life. The girl was very nice about it, we talked, joked about it and one hour later my D*** suddenly restarted working and we had successful sex.

    Problem is I am a very ANXIOUS person by nature, and this first failure shocked me pretty bad... At the point that 2 months later, I spent the next date I had with another girl thinking "Will I get hard tonight? Maybe I'm never going to be able to make love to a woman again...". And of course when we came home, nothing worked... This girl didn't take it very well...

    That's when my mind started spiralling "Do I have a physical problem ? Maybe I took a wrong gym supplement ? Could it be my BCAA ? I have Low Testosterone maybe..."

    Since then (was two months ago), I spent my time on "checking" if my D*** works and putting more and more pressure on myself. If I watch P, I can get to 100% erection but I'm nowhere near as excited as I was before. If I only use my mind with no P, most of time I get to 80% and sometimes to 100% but I really have to focus and to overcome the anxiety.

    What worries me the most is that I feel that my Libido completely crashed down suddenly. I know I don't have a physical problem (cause I got checked by a doctor) but I used to be horny ALL the time, just looking at girls and be turned on, but for the past few months, the sight of a gorgeous girl doesn't produce any physical response in me anymore and it's stressing me out like crazy!

    Testosterone levels : Tests came back OK

    Morning Woods : OK. But not a strong as 6 months ago

    Random boners : Sometimes, but they are like 50% strong.

    Wet dreams: Haven't had a wet or even a sexy dream since my problems started.

    Psychological state : Very anxious but I've always been and it never had any impact on my sex life.

    Libido : Zero. I feel romanticaly attracted to womens, but not physically. It's like I'm SEEING them, but I can't FEEL them. If I kiss a girl, I get a tingling sensation down there but that's it. If I have a naked girl in my bed, I KNOW she is beautiful but I don't FEEL like I want her.

    Relationship to womens: I always had healthy relationships toward womens. Always respected them, never objectified them or had weird fetishes.

    It almost feels like I started a FLATLINE before even starting NoFap... Is this possible? Could I have exhausted myself with too much M?

    Can someone relate to this? Do you think that is "normal" and can be reversed?

    Do you think only the 3 months of higher P consumption could have triggered this?

    I started NoFap a week ago and I'm pretty much in the same state: zero urge to P or M or O.

    Thanks so much for your help guys! I'm really freaking out right now. I really start to believe that my sex life is over for good...
     
  2. Cellar door

    Cellar door Fapstronaut

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    Same thing happened to me, after one failed sex attempt (was my first one, but never had problems with M, either PMO or MO alone) i started freaking out and obsessing with my D. After that im always thinking about my D and i havent felt as aroused as i were before that bad experience. My libido got lower and lower after that day and i dont think porn did that, just because during foreplay i was ok with that girl, but when it came the moment to have sex, i was pretty scared and dindnt get an erection (if it was all due to porn then i shouldnt have any erection at all).
    But anyway i think that its because we are thinking too much and we feel hopeless, so our brain removes sex as a pleasurable activity and views it just as a scary thing, and it shuts libido down.
    Im rebooting too but after that failed attempt i feel trapped in a costant flatline and even if ivr abstained for 45 days hard mode, i havent felt any difference, maybe because i was still convinced that i wouldnt be able to satisfy a girl.
    Who knows, this sh*t is very strange..
     
    Wugazi32 and Joshua_p like this.
  3. Uruvug

    Uruvug Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, I am also around your same age. I remember that just 3 or 4 years ago, I used to be so horny all the time and now my libido has gone down a lot. I guess that that could just be normal. Testosterone levels start to go down at the time you're on your late 20s, early 30s, and from there they just keep going down and down. However, I have also been experiencing ED quite often for the past 2 years which is not really normal for my age, according to any doctor... I barely get any morning wood at all, and I don't get random erections during the day either, unless I've been on a streak of not ejaculating for about 2 weeks. I've been trying to make some life changes and stay away from porn, which surprisingly has not been as hard as I thought due to my reduced sexual appetite. The last time that I relapsed I did it more because I was frustrated with bad results than because I really wanted to watch it, and I didn't even feel that aroused by it when I did, so now I am like whatever. I am hoping that things get better, but sometimes it gets scary to think that some of these issues might not be 100% reversible. I wish that I could give you some reinforcement but I am just dealing with the same shit myself. Good luck to you and to me both.
     
  4. Depressed&Out

    Depressed&Out Fapstronaut

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    I think you will be absolutely fine. Just drop the porn and reconnect with a girl. Ideally get a GF so that you can have 'intense' rewiring with her, and then those old and real sexual pathways will overtake the porn pathways and in the process your erection will be back to normal.

    I believe your case is a very straight forward one.
     
    Wugazi32 likes this.
  5. arken3

    arken3 Fapstronaut

    I know how this feels. I have Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome where I feel some discomfort in the bladder/prostate areas. I used to be VERY anxious too, and I think I trained my pelvic muscles to stay very tense all the time. This caused some chronic inflammation which I am now trying to target with kegels/etc.

    But it was one flareup of burning pain 4 years ago that basically caused exactly the symptoms you described. My libido switched OFF in one instant. I also freaked out and tested Testosterone, etc. So if you don't have CPPS-like symptoms (usually pain when peeing, or after sitting, etc) then it might just be similar symptoms. But it's unlikely that you or I have any physical problem since occasionally we will have a strong erection (proves your D still works).

    For me, inflammation tells my brain "hey there's some discomfort down there, desensitize everything and don't get erect". For you, it could be your emotional state or anxiety. Whatever it is, your brain has a "Main switch" for libido that it can flip for whatever reason. You have to figure out how to get your brain to flip it back ON. For me, I think if I do kegels regularly for several months and relieve the pain problem, it'll come back. NoFap is good for this because it let's you keep your mind off of it more, lets muscles/etc relax and heal, and you're distracted with other things. Likely anxiety and other issues will improve as well. So go for the 90 days no PMO (and practice reducing your anxiety during this time) and see where you're at.
     
  6. Kexas23

    Kexas23 Fapstronaut

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    I had very bad ED for years due to excessive PMO. Last year I started my first real streak. At day 90 I was able to bed a woman and I had no problem with ED. I have no idea how long it took to cure my ED the first women I met was the the one mentioned above. I have since relapsed many times since that encounter. I do not know if I have ED right now since it has been a solid year since I was with a woman. Your ED will be cured if you continue noFap.
     
    arken3 likes this.
  7. Uruvug

    Uruvug Fapstronaut

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    I don't think you can claim that it was cured by just having had sex one time after a long reboot. To be sure that it was cured it would need to be consistent. Almost anybody can get a hard after 90 days of no sex, masturbation, and porn. But the question is, will it remain consistent during the following sexual interactions? or does it start to go back to the same level as before the reboot?
     
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  8. Savemylifeplease

    Savemylifeplease New Fapstronaut

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    I am 32 years old and I am currently dating a girl. Back story I was in a dying relationship from over 10 years the sex was great but the thing is we grew apart. Towards the end of our relationship I’ll say for the last 2 years of it, We wasn’t having sex often at all. During that time I looked toward PMO to satisfy myself. I have dated two girls since then. The first girl I had dated we would sometimes have sex with no condom and I would get hard and sometimes I wouldn’t. I often found myself, avoiding sexual in counters because I was afraid to fail. Now I am currently dating/seeing someone and when we start kissing, or touching in that way my penis becomes erect, but when it’s time to actually have sex or I know I am about to there is a flatline. I have even got as far as putting the condom on and then it goes flat right after. I have kinda convinced her that it’s the condom but I know that’s not it. When I watch porn my penis gets erect everytime sometimes it stays that way, sometimes it frizzes out. Please some advice or help on the matter would be great. I just want my rock hard boner back. I don’t ever have to watch PORN AGAIN in my life!
     
    Wugazi32 likes this.
  9. arken3

    arken3 Fapstronaut

    You don't need our advice, as you are already here doing the right thing. Get as distant from P and fantasy as possible, and your girlfriend will become the focus of your sex drive, as you want her to be. Your boners are there, just that your brain is conflicted between P and reality, and needs some help and time to bury the P.
     
    Anonymous86 likes this.
  10. Younameit

    Younameit Fapstronaut

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    Just stay away from porn
     
  11. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

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    What have you figured out?
     
  12. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

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  13. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

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    Do you think it was the pelvic muscles or masturbation?
     
  14. arken3

    arken3 Fapstronaut

    Both!
     
  15. Kexas23

    Kexas23 Fapstronaut

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    Using consistency as a metric, I really don't know if I was cured. I haven't had any at bats since that interaction.
     
  16. Joshua_p

    Joshua_p New Fapstronaut

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    I have had almost identical issues. Have you had any progress with this since your original post?!?!
     
  17. Wildman85

    Wildman85 Fapstronaut

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    Ive been doing research and it seems like Exodus 90 is a good program to help re-hardwire your brain. It has to be done in a group, men only, and typically all strong faith related folks. It cuts out all fluff in life for a set 90 days with check ins, work out routines, scripture etc. I have had many friends get alot of success from this. I have been to chicken S%$ to try it but am baby stepping myself into rebooting now via nofap and listening to audio books. YOU ARE NOT ALONE on the PIED train...the key is cold showers, realizing God loves you and your learning to walk again in a manor of speaking!

    Dont think of it as anything more than each da you get better and better...Remember why you joined and stay positive.
     
    arken3 likes this.
  18. Younameit

    Younameit Fapstronaut

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    Even if you've been watching 20 min of porn per week it will have an effect (a negative one) in your brain, this is scientific, I've seen studies on your brain on porn talking about that, the truth is this, you used to watch porn moderately, like 3 times per week, over 10 years, this really have desensitized you, whereas before the sight of a gorgeous woman would arouse you, it doesn't anymore, it's because of porn
    the solution is quit porn forever, it's not normal, it's not healthy, it's not good for your sexualtity and your brain
    it was easy for me because it was at the same time I quit the matrix, I started focusing on my purpose and I eliminated artificial stimulation altogether (TV, porn, video games etc.. artificial stimulation=drugs)
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2019
    Anonymous86 likes this.
  19. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    Any updates on the PIED? Is it a success story?
     
  20. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    Guess no news is good news as you’re likely having sex all the time
     

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