Suicidal thoughts

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by FirstBorn93, Jun 1, 2019.

  1. FirstBorn93

    FirstBorn93 Fapstronaut

    I joined a couple of days ago and i see a lot of people here writing that they are contemplating suicide.
    First of all i hope that nobody follows through with it , EVER!
    I myself had those thoughts years and years ago when i was at the age 18-20 i believe.
    Now i am 25 , is my life perfect? fuck no! and it never will be because that's life.
    But i have seen so much death around me that i can tell you 100% that it is never the answer , without knowing your story and who you are and what you been through.
    I had one my best friends jump of the roof and kill himself because he was struggling with depression , anxiety and hocd.
    I know that he was just trying to end his suffering , and in someway he did.
    But you have NO IDEA! what his death caused to the people around him.
    Seeing his mother and brother cry and weep , me and all of his friends were broken , not for a week and not for 2 or 3 months but until this day i remember him and i miss him and it's one of the hardest fucking things i ever had to go through in my life!
    Having one of your best friends commit suicide at the age of 20 is horrible , and the worst thing is you never see it coming.
    I saw my father coming off my building roof because he wanted to jump and commit suicide after him and my mother wanted to get a divorce.
    My mom woke me up at 5am to go search for him because he was missing , when i went out he saw me and thank god couldn't follow through.
    My mother was on pills because of depression , i know a friend of mine that shot himself in the head.
    Guys don't do it! EVER! i beg you , that's not the answer!
    Unfortunately after these tragic deaths and situations i never even for a moment think about suicide ever again in my life , i just thank god im alive each day.
    I've seen the consequeneces , hell i felt them and i still do as i write this and i can't stop crying.
    Please take care of yourself , talk to someone wether it's a friend or a family member or a psychatrist or anybody you feel like can understand what you're going through.
    Have a blessed day!
  2. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    You have been through a lot, I am sorry for your loss. I agree, suicide may end your problems (and everything else) but you will fill with pain those who love you. The person who suffers the less is the one who dies.
  3. FirstBorn93

    FirstBorn93 Fapstronaut

    I hope that people read this and won't try to follow through with their thoughts.
    I let these thoughts go years ago , even at my darkest moments nowadays i never take that as an option.
  4. Everyone has suicidal thoughts, it's normal, it's fucked up when you got 'em all day long.

    I were feeling bit depressed these days and got some thoughts, last nite I watched a scissor then my arm then realized no, I gotta get together be strong.

    Depression is a real person, but hey, maybe not tomorrow but one day sun shows up...
    Moatasem likes this.
  5. FirstBorn93

    FirstBorn93 Fapstronaut

    I know exactly what you're talking about , i remember years ago i had the same thing you're describing but with a kithcen knife.
    Everyone has suicidal thoughts , the question is how often? and how long and deep do you dwell on them?
    Stay strong!
  6. Very good post. I’m willing to bet that a majority of the people here on this forum (myself included) deal with thoughts of suicide on a regular basis. Posts like yours should be done often, maybe even pinned.

    I was feeling very depressed last week but ended up at my parent’s house because I had worked to do there. The interactions I have with my parents nowadays always gives my spirits a boost. I also talk with my friend in Southern California regularly. That’s a big help as well.

    Those of us that suffer depression need to force ourselves to reach out to friends and loved ones so we can be reminded that there are people out there that care about us.
    Coffee Candy, recon117 and FX-05 like this.
  7. by suiciding you kll your chances of a better life
  8. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

    Not everyone. I get reaaaally depressed sometimes but still rather not be dead.
  9. IndigoRazor

    IndigoRazor Fapstronaut

    Don 't give up man. There is a reason why you re here
    Moatasem and (deleted member) like this.
  10. FirstBorn93

    FirstBorn93 Fapstronaut

    I hope they pin my post and even put it on other boards , it's a very serious issue.
    Sometimes the little things can help us , talking to a close one , being with a pet or just listening to music.

    I like that , well put.

    I think you misunderstood the post , i do not have suicidal thoughts.
    This post is for the poeple here who do , to make them realise it's not the solution.
    recon117 and Deleted Account like this.
  11. llortaton

    llortaton Fapstronaut

    My Journal

  12. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    You went through a lot of pain and what you wrote is definitely valid. Thank you for sharing it!

    I want to give some feedback from the other side though, because we rarely hear from people that try to commit suicide to understand what pushed them so far. We hear don't do it and we hear why we should not do it "because of others", but we don't hear why we should not do it "for ourselves".

    Suicide is a scream for help, it is used by some as a means to attract the attention that they are missing from the others and are powerless to give to themselves. When your gut and your heart are pushed to their limits, there is no others, it's only yourself, your pain and a way to deal with this pain in the most effective way. While depression signifies loss of connection with people, nature and society, suicide can be seen as the solution to an extreme emotional isolation and neglect; not physical isolation, but emotional. You may not see it in others, but you feel it deep within yourself and you cannot express it. You feel your thoughts and emotions as a burden and you don't want to dump them on those around you, out of consideration for them! Some with suicidal thoughts will not say anything for the fear that they'll be given drugs, sent to "re-educational programs"; that's an insult to the sanity of a person trying to escape their pain in the best way the possibly know. Krihsnamurti, an indian philosopher, said that "it is not a sign of health to be adapted to a sick society". I mentioned that suicide is a scream for help, we want the help of others that choose to be too busy to pay attention to us; this society is promoting busyness over human connection. Suicide is the last resort, it means "I don't want to die; I just don't want to live"; there is no "others" in this equation; I do care about other people's feelings, but do they care about mine? I am considerate to not burden my friends with the dark emotions that plague my day, but then... if I attempt suicide I am further criticized that I am not thinking of the pain I inflict in those around me.

    In most cases, the source of depression and suicide can be found in unresolved trauma from childhood: emotional neglect and emotional abuse. Suicide attempts require tremendous courage, clarity of mind, purpose; they don't just happen, it's a process that takes years, years of unresolved emotional pain. Those that attempt suicide have a hope that their attempt will fail and that the others will then notice their pain.

    So yes, when I ask for help and I get none because everyone is busy and they say "man up, don't be such a pussy", I do drive with 150mph on the autobahn and wonder how many times the car will roll over if I just abruptly turn the wheel to the right. Yes, sometimes I do plan to get all my debt in order, quit my job, close all accounts, tell everyone I have a new job in another country and will contact them in a few days once I'm settled, only to simply vanish in a river 1000 km away from my peers. Did I want to end it all when my wife cheated on me for more than a year and when caught said she wants to separate? Sure, it was just a replay of previous romantic relationships and that of my parents; there was no consideration on anyone's side of the pain I had.

    You say that's not the answer, but what is the answer then? To adapt to a sick society? To become part of a group of people that cherish the next iphone and the newest coupe car over... a dinner with a friend, and allowing some emotional expression? Is that too much to ask for? In school we should be taught listening skills, because this skill is no longer taught at home. Please don't misunderstand my rant, I'm not attacking you, nor do I want to invalidate your comment, on the contrary, but there are two views to this topic and one is constantly avoided: the view of the person that attempted suicide. I think you're very mature at 25 to be able to write that comment, but when I was 25 I had no clue what emotional expression means. It's us, the so called adults, the ones that are supposed to be mature, which have to provide the answers.

    The answer is to adjust the coping mechanisms that have been developed during childhood, that are outdated and incorrect. But it takes time, months and years, it takes not only the effort of the depressed, but the effort of those around the depressed, the mature people that are supposed to be there, for us. The parents and the friends. Once the depressed re-learns how to cope with the anguish, they will know how to give themselves the required attention and then be the support of others too.

    Peace! Share your painful emotions in this forum.
    moulox, recon117 and Bobske like this.
  13. You saved me ! :)
    I am 18.
  14. FirstBorn93

    FirstBorn93 Fapstronaut

    First of all i want to thank you for taking the time and reading my post.
    I too myself had a "suicide attempt" , the reason i put it in captions is because i did something that would kill me only if i had done it alone but i did it in front of about 50 people , it was only to draw attention in order to get a certain thing i wanted (i won't elaborate because it is a matter i don't want to dive into).
    Then i was punished for it (how stupid is it to punish someone in this situation? lol) and i met with a psychiatrist and when he asked why did i do it? i told him it was a cry for help.
    I 100% understand your view on suicide but there are some things that i don't agree with.
    Society is not sick , there are lots and lots of wonderful and good human beings everywhere and i can say that for a fact because i moved countries and i have been working with customers ever since my first job so i met thousands of people , it also depends highly on how you perceive the world , if you think everybody are bad and sick that's what you will attract and only see the bad in people.
    Secondly suicide is an act of desperation , an act to seek attention as you said yourself they all want to fail at the end because they don't really want to die but to end the suffering and live on. It is considered objectively a selfish act , you do have the right to do what ever you desire with your life and body but it has consequences on the people surrounding you , the same way you come to people for help whenever you need something and expect them to consider you in their lives.
    When you pour your heart out to people you will never get the answer that you want , why? because nobody can you give you the answer and help that you really need besides yourself , i experienced that in first person with my deceased friend.
    Some men will tell you to man up because that is what's expected from us , now to show feelings and not be vulnerable so a lot of us don't know how to handle it. Sometimes they don't have time for you? but do you know what is going on in their lives? to you it seems you have it the worst but you never know what another person is going through , you always think everybody else have it figured out.
    Even when a friend will sit down with you and have a good long chat and try to help you it will at most help momentarily , only if you decide to take hold of things and change yourself it will really work , he at most can only spark the will inside of you.
    I do however agree with you that in our current world there is too much emphasis on money and business instead on human feelings and needs , making us more robot-like in order to get the best results/profits.
    The education system should've been changed decades ago but i as "bad" as we think everything is i thank god everyday for everything!
    We live in an amazing world , great technology , the ability to travel across the world and communicate with everyone , great healthcare , much less wars , food , entertainment and so much more!
    One thing i learned is to be positive , to have faith and to focus on the good and there will be more , don't focus on the bad.
    Have a blessed day!

    I'm happy i could help in whichever way , you're still so young! enjoy life , take it easy and be grateful :)
    A leaf and Deleted Account like this.
  15. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Suicidal thoughts are not 'normal' @Motiv3. A normal, healthy mind does not conclude that it would be better off dead. o_O
    Not everyone has suicidal thoughts. :eek: You cannot assume everyone feels like you do and considers killing themselves. o_O
    Yet another generalization! :eek: I don't believe the majority of people on this forum have regular suicidal thoughts. o_O
    Ah, finally, the voice of reason! Thanks Jack for a welcome injection of reality! :)
    What you say is true in your case, I do not dispute that. However, you suggest that your mind set and rationale is the same for everybody. There are many people that have suicidal thoughts but it does not mean: "I don't want to die; I just don't want to live".

    You are missing a significant percentage that intend to die and they are not thinking about getting attention or screaming for help. Maybe you are less aware of such ones because they complete their suicide and are not around to explain their thinking. :(
    Here again, there is a certainty here: "In most cases", but I am not clear upon what you base these generalizations. :confused: Some suicides are spontaneous. And as I mentioned above, I do not agree with your assertion:- "Those that attempt suicide have a hope that their attempt will fail and that the others will then notice their pain." It might be true for some, but many are desperate for their actions to 'succeed'. They have no wish to live whatsoever.
    Again, I put to you the question, how do you know: "They all want to fail at the end because they don't really want to die but to end the suffering and live on"? There a huge number of people that do not want to fail. They want to end their suffering by dying!

    I am not disagreeing with your personal experiences, that would be unreasonable. But you have to accept that there is a huge difference between suicidal ideation that you are talking about, and suicidal intention that I am talking about.
    Kiz Whalifa likes this.
  16. FirstBorn93

    FirstBorn93 Fapstronaut

    I always take critism but it really looks like you come off as arrogant.
    Quoting each and everyone of us just to "correct" what we wrote , and i say that because you read my post and assumed i have suicidal thoughts and i consider killing myself which i wrote about 2-3 times that i do not which makes me think if you actually read what i wrote or just rushed to write your opinion.
    And yes , majority of people of have suicidal thoughts but they just remain at that , thoughts that come and go , some extremely rare and some not , most people do not act on them.
  17. therealboyka

    therealboyka Fapstronaut

  18. What I meant to say is that everyone, in one moment of their lives, they flirt with suicide... And that's normal. What is not normal is to think about suicide all day long or couple days...
  19. Perhaps you’re right about most people not having suicidal thoughts at one time or another.

    I do admit that my perspective is most likely skewed as I tend to gravitate to forums, online posts and articles, and other literature about suicide. It’s been that way with me since I was young.

    I’m seriously considering going to see a counselor once again.

    Anyhow, thanks for your post. I take it as a constructive post and am sure you meant it to be that way.
    Coffee Candy likes this.
  20. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    First, let me clear up any possible misunderstanding. In fact, I was well aware that you do not have suicide thoughts. But I made the error of using the wrong tense in my reply. I said "you do", instead of "you did". I apologise for the confusion, but it was not intentional and it was not an assumption and I read your comments two or three times. If you can accept what I say, I hope you will agree that there was no arrogance in my mind.

    I asked before what convinces people or why do they believe that the majority of people have suicidal thoughts. However, rather than answering this, you simply reiterate it. An answer to this question would be much appreciated. Thank you. :)

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