Summary of My First 90 Days: Lessons Learnt

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by b3tt3rLife, Aug 22, 2015.

  1. b3tt3rLife

    b3tt3rLife Fapstronaut

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    When I came to NoFap I had been in denial of my PMO problem. I had never seen PMO as a problem, after all, every guy watches porn right? However, it doesn't matter how much I did it and for how long, that guilty that keeps hovering over like bad omen whenever you jack off never wore off...I never got used to it and I couldn't understand why. I mean wasn't there a point where I could just get used to it and just be free from the guilt? That combined with other problems even in my social relationships I decided to stop but I had little to no success. Then I searched for help online I couldn't be happier to have landed here.

    Reading people's stories, how PMO had affected them too and how they were also struggling to overcome it made me feel like I was a part of a bigger family out there, a family of people trying to break free from a bad habit and become a better version of themselves. This gave me hope that I will one day be free and there is no way I could be left behind. After all this time, I feel obligated to share with you the lessons I have learnt so far, the journey from 0 to 90, the low and high moments and most importantly whether they were all worth it. So, in short summary, this is what I have learnt so far:
    1. PMO is a real problem but with effort, will power, full dedication and daily sacrifice, ANYONE can overcome it. When I started I doubted myself so much but as each day went by I grew more confident and I couldn't go look back. I couldn't believe I had sacrificed strength, character, confidence and honesty for that long for just a few seconds of pleasure followed by long hours of guilt.
    2. Have an accountability partner. Someone you truly trust and doesn't have any judgements, someone willing to help you become a better version of yourself. Even if they won't help you on a daily basis to overcome your temptation, if they are close, they won't expose you to anything that might have you relapse. The first time I relapsed it was because my best friend sent me a dirty video and it just led me back to watching porn. After being honest with him, he has never done that and he makes sure I feel accountable to him by encouraging me to always keep away.
    3. Make porn as hard to access as possible. You may think you should trust yourself but you should know you are an addict and that means you won't be thinking straight when you are really craving for it. To achieve this I deleted all the porn on my hard drive and phone and blocked porn content on my browser with a 15 random character, text and symbols password. My accountability partner stored the password. All I had to do now was use the few minutes I needed to get around this restriction to get my mind together and stop.
    4. The first 20 to 30 Days are the Worst. This is when my urges were the strongest. I started getting insomnia and at some point I was sure I couldn't live without PMO, I had to go back. However after that, I was glad I didnt! Things started to look up! I started going for a day without thinking of PMO and now all I had to do was not relapse.
    5. Always question every decision you make especially during the first few days. Our brains are very tricky engines. There were days I was sooo attracted to PMO that I could list down 50 or so reasons as to why I should watch it; "Its just PMO right? Who cares if I watch it or not? Doing it once won't do anyone any harm right? Everybody watches porn but they seem okay walking up and down the streets, why should I stop? I think I will fall sick, do I really want that?" and on and on it goes. You have to find ways of keeping yourself off it during these moments. This is what I found useful in my case:
      • If you are a religious person, pray. Go to church, interact with people, get to hear people give testimonies on how they overcame addition to drugs or alcohol and such. I found prayer to bring some kind of peace. So every time I would feel like I need PMO I would walk out of the house and go to church.
      • When you are super tempted and your brain seems to convince you there is no harm done by watching porn just one more time, shoot your accountability a text and they will remind you why you need to keep off it.
      • Avoid fantasizing about porn especially during these moments as it only makes things worse and
      • Finally, meditate. Just close your eyes, take a few breaths. Shut everything off from your mind and just focus on your breathing till you feel the urge go down.
    6. Pay close attention to what makes you feel like you need porn. For me it's was stress; anything unpleasant happened in my day and I would use PMO to escape it. That's why I needed it most of the time. I therefore had to look for other ways to deal with the disappointments from my day.
    7. Have a NoFap Journal. Support from others and also reading what others are writing was another thing that gave me so much motivation. I didn't always get comments but I could see my journal had views. And that in its own way made me feel I am accountable to these readers, even if I didn't know them.
    8. Practice the NoArousal Technique. This means no fantasy at all. When walking on the streets don't be looking at women and start fantasizing of her in some dirty position. This helps in avoiding any temptation to relapse. It also helps helps in keeping your brain from anything porn.
    9. Learn to enjoy your new life and find ways to appreciate yourself for every accomplishment you achieve. In my life there have been so many changed since I decided to stop PMO. After the struggle to stop the habit and all those days I laid awake feeling like crap, I found I could easily enjoy my life now. There is no depression, no guilt and everything day seems brighter. If you are wondering whether I find it worth it, yes I do. It's all worth it.
    That is all I wanted to share about my first 90 day accomplishment. From here I will do another 90 while still keeping my journal updated. Thank you so much for reading. Please share your experience with me too by leaving a comment.

    All the Best in your Journey.
     
  2. Saoirse

    Saoirse Guest

    This is a great post. I just looked at my counter and I'm at the 60 day point. My idea is not to have a target, but just to have left the world of PMO behind me. The counter is not something that encourages me, but seeing it going past 60 is something I thought I'd never see. Posts like yours, however, ARE motivating. It's good to know that there are other people in this world that have snapped out of the trance and realised that their days could be used in a far better way. I can only hope that when my counter reads 90, someone else will see that PMO can be - and is - history.
     
  3. I love posts like this and I thank you for it. However, what I really think is understated and goes far in stopping those on the verge of relapse is actual "success stories". How has your life changed? What significant benefits have you experienced? Being able to envision the holy grail is way more powerful at resisting urges than any top ten tips one may provide.
     
    shanky kumar likes this.
  4. badri

    badri Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this inspiring testimony bro. It definitely helps people like me who's just starting on the journey. Best wishes for the road ahead!
     
    shanky kumar and Kyle Anderson like this.
  5. BushidoWarrior

    BushidoWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing bro. Keep up the good fight!
     
    shanky kumar likes this.
  6. rtw623

    rtw623 Fapstronaut

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    awesome tips man I appreciate it. I am coming past my personal best right now and trying to keep myself going. I am definitely going to apply a lot of these suggestions to keep me from PMOing. going to go start a journal right now.
     
    shanky kumar likes this.
  7. Temujin

    Temujin Guest

    Thanks for such an in-depth post. I will look to incorporate parts of this into my own journey. Many thanks!
     
    shanky kumar likes this.
  8. grADD student

    grADD student Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the bits of wisdom! I'll be using them on my own journey.
     
    shanky kumar likes this.
  9. b3tt3rLife

    b3tt3rLife Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much guys for your replies.
    @chefboyxo thank you so much for the comment and I comment and I do agree with you, keeping your eyes focused on the Holy Grail is something that can really motivate someone. So I have decided to respond to your questions hoping that within the answers, there may be some motivation to keep off PMO for as long as humanly possible. Other than giving tips on how to keep off PMO, this is my story and how it has changed so far.

    A Little Background
    When I was heavily relying on PMO, my life was a mess, personally I was unhappy all the time, I was depressed and used to walk around with guilt, lots of guilt. I have been brought up in a religious family and that means, it is my goal to always be close to God. However, with PMO I just couldn't. I felt ashamed to even be in church. My confidence was a wreck and I was always afraid of being found out and the reaction those close to me would elicit if they ever found out. That is a crappy way to live.

    As for relationships, I couldn't keep any. Every girl I ever dated became freaked out by either my inclination to always have sex whenever we met or my inability to be there emotionally for her. One of them actually told me that she couldn't be with me because every time we were alone, all I wanted was sex and not just sex but kinky stuff (always wanted to play out my porn fantasies) and she wanted more, she wanted to have a best friend in me and she wanted a relationship where sex isn't the main element. I believe with just that, you get the picture of how my life was.

    Anyway, around March this year I began to really question my life choices, approaching 24 years and still nowhere near what I had envisioned my life would be. I have always wanted to have my own company and be independent or have a good job, be excellent at it and have that sense of accomplishment, I want to one day have a family, I want to be a pillar, a man of substance and value to the people in my life, to the people who look up to me. But how could I ever have a family if I can't even keep a relationship for 2 months? How could I ever feel proud of myself if all I do is walk around with shame? How could I ever have my own company or a good career if my confidence is that low?

    So I decided to take responsibility for my actions, work on being the man I have always wanted to be and go for what I want. One of the things that had to stop was PMO. So I struggled for about 2 months, not able to go more than a couple of days without PMO and it wasn't pretty. My depression became worse because of the constant fails. It was a really low moment. So I decided to look for help. I decided to first try online help, if that didn't work I would work with a recovering group. Searching online landed me here and I have had success.

    Changes and Benefits
    So to answer your questions, How has my life changed and what significant benefits have I experienced? My very short answer would be, my life has experienced an 180 degrees change. Here are the details;
    1. The first thing that went away is guilt and shame. I cannot tell you how good you feel when you wake up each and every day feeling proud of yourself instead of ashamed for PMO'ing for hours the previous night. I am now able to look at the mental picture of the man I have always wanted to be and feel proud that each day I am making a positive step or contribution towards becoming that person.
    2. Since there is no more guilt and shame, the depression went away and this is another thing you cannot underestimate. When this drifted off I starting waking up with a more positive outlook towards life, the things I have and the things I want to achieve. I could look at people (those who are really close to me) in the eyes again and feel confident that their trust in me is not misplaced. I became a happier person.
    3. My confidence grew back: this is another huge positive. And when I say confidence I mean confidence in making decisions (since I didn't have some huge skeleton in my closet that I wasn't proud of, I found myself able to trust in my decisions more), confidence with women (I just found myself having better relations with the opposite sex since I wasn't always focused on having sex with them. I started enjoying simple talks and acts of friendship, even going out to eat became a joy), confidence in my other relationships with friends and family and confidence in my personal goals (All over a sudden I started feeling like I was a man enough to achieve them and not doubt my own capabilities).
    4. My sense of worth and self respect has grown: I no longer have those moments where I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. Right now I have little accomplishments and they make me happier. For example, signing up a new client at work makes me feel so proud and there isn't that small voice that could always remind me of what I watched in the morning.
    5. Honesty: ever since I signed up, wrote my first post and admitted that I have a problem, and now I am able to give a detailed account of my struggle off the habit, I feel I have become more honest compared to the days when I couldn't even admit I had a problem.
    6. I finally got around to starting my own company and that in its own way makes me feel like I am making progress towards reaching my dreams.
    7. I started dating recently and I find myself enjoying the relationship more, the simple acts of affection give me satisfaction, for example when she texts first thing when she wakes up or when she comes over to take care of me even when I have a cold, that's something I didn't enjoy before because every relationship I was in was just about sex and nothing else.
    8. Acceptance, I shared my struggle with the girl I'm dating and my best friend and they accepted me as I am. They support me and that has its own benefit of making you feel accepted. Its a huge load off my back.
    So in a nutshell, you can see the changes and benefits have been all round, the way I view myself, my relationship with God, my relationships with the opposite sex, my relationships with my closest friends and family, my career and the hunt for my dreams. Its all round. I feel this is what makes the struggle to move away from PMO such a small price to pay.

    I hope I have answered the question and through this, you may be motivated to keep going on. And after the 90 days (or the number of days you have as your goal) are over, you can still keep on.

    Thank you for your replies once again.

    Best of Luck and Keep Strong.
     
  10. Newbornme

    Newbornme Fapstronaut

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    Great tips bro, awesome job, keep it up!!
     
  11. Cooldude4

    Cooldude4 Fapstronaut

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    Great post and tips. Thanks
     
  12. Matthew5:28

    Matthew5:28 Fapstronaut

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    Amen bro! Very inspirational post, I'll definitely be using your tips on my own journey
     
  13. b3tt3rLife

    b3tt3rLife Fapstronaut

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    Thank you guys...thanks a lot for the positive response.
     
  14. This just helped me so much! I'm keeping a NoFap journal and at first, I was getting replies, but they have since stopped. Part of me has been like, why keep doing NoFap? No one cares. I don't seem to be helping anyone by posting about my successes and struggles, and no one is helping me. But I do have viewers, so maybe my posting is helping them somehow? Perhaps there's someone out there who is benefitting from it, and I just don't know it. I'll try to use that as a reason to keep going. Thanks @b3tt3rLife !!
     
  15. b3tt3rLife

    b3tt3rLife Fapstronaut

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    @Fordfanboy2010
    Thank you for your reply. For me writing a NoFap journal was very helpful. The main aim is not to get replies, just the fact that you write your progress, the challenges you face on a daily basis, your motivations and how you overcome your problems; that alone was therapeutic for me. It made me keep observing myself better in order to have something to write. In that I got to understand myself better, for example what triggered my relapses and what helped in keeping away. That in itself was very helpful.

    In addition to writing, I kept reading what other people wrote and compared their experiences with mine. From that perspective, I could say that what you write does help those who read it and in a way, in my case it created some sense of accountability.

    From my experience I would encourage you to continue updating your journal, it's really beneficial if you ask me.
     
    Fordfanboy2010 likes this.
  16. Thanks @b3tt3rLife ! I plan to keep journaling for sure. It is helpful and the accountable of this forum is one of the prime reasons I've made it this far. In the past, 3 days was about as long as I could go with PMO-ing. And since my discovery of NoFap, I've gone 27 days without it. I now have the goal of beating PMO addiction so that I can help others overcome it as well.

    And by the way, I love your Arnold avatar picture. #beast
     
  17. b3tt3rLife

    b3tt3rLife Fapstronaut

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    @Fordfanboy2010
    Keep strong man, I believe you can do it. When I joined NoFap I was pretty much worse than you, I had a very huge porn stash on my comp and couldn't even stay for those 3 days without PMO'ing. With NoFap, commitment, focus on the end goal and living like porn and fantasy are not a solution or an option, you can actually make it bro. You can conquer this big monster and the results are so awesome. There is nothing as good as waking up in the morning, looking at yourself in the mirror and feeling proud that you don't live a life of shame anymore. So keep on, reach 30 days, then 60, then 90 then do another 90 and on and on...

    NB: Thanks, I saw the picture on google and thought, this would represent my victory quite well :p haha...

    Peace.
     
    Fordfanboy2010 likes this.
  18. b3tt3rLife

    b3tt3rLife Fapstronaut

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    270 Days!
    Hello guys, this marks my nine months since I stopped PMO. I feel so proud of this achievement. If anyone would like to know anything about the experience or would like guidance in any way, please reply to this thread. However, I have a question, for those of you who stopped pmo, was there any change in your penis size?
     
  19. ad_nex

    ad_nex Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much brother for sharing your insights.. It's worth appreciating that your post covers all the problems faced by us and the solutions to counter them. Keep up the good work brother you are helping many by sharing your thoughts.. all the best for the days to come..
     
  20. Congratulations! A great testament to your will power. YB
     

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