Support wanted from others with similar exp

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Healmyheart, Jul 9, 2018.

  1. Healmyheart

    Healmyheart Fapstronaut

    Hi I'm new to this site and was wanting some opinions on my situation, I've posted on new to nofap and wanted to copy those posts into this forum for insites from orhers who have been through this. My other post is titled struggling to trust again. Thanks for your help.
  2. @Gutted: many people can relate to everything you there ANY way your PA (porn addict) will come here to NoFap? It's anonymous...he really needs to read and learn and see for himself how bad porn addiction is. He cannot just "stop" all of a sudden one day.

    I mean, he can stop ... for a short season. But he will almost certainly fall back into it if he is a porn addict and doesn't really confront his addiction. White-knuckling it out some new-born conviction because he was just caught/confronted does not last forever.

    Instead, he needs to really face his problem of addiction .. HE needs to do it. You can help -- you can encourage / you can motivate. But, you have to demand that he respects you ... and part of that is he has to man up and take this problem seriously / he has to lean INTO his problem of addiction and not run away from it.

    I hope he comes here and seeks help.


    For you, there are also many great resources here to help you deal with the difficult circumstances you find yourself in. You are NOT to blame. There is nothing you can do to "win him over, away from porn"--you cannot compete with pixels...and even he was dating the most perfect porn girl -- he would still secretly being looking at porn on the side. It is an addiction, a disease of disconnection.

    I am glad you found NoFap...this forum is a GREAT place to read and stay in sync with. Welcome.
  3. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

    I'm sorry you are going through this. Too many people are being drug through this addiction, both the PA and their SO's. I'm going to be blunt, I call BS on your boyfriend. I don't think he has stopped, or if he did it will only be for a short while. I've been doing this for way too long with my bf. We have more DDays than I remember. It always went the same, I find proof or catch him and he promises to stop. Rinse and repeat. We would not really talk about it, or talk very little. He always said he was doing good but didn't elaborate on it. Things are different now, in December was the last time. I've had enough and was ready to go. For the first time he is trying to open up to me. We are talking about it. He is being more honest but has issues with that sometimes. But overall I can see the changes. If he wouldn't talk, not explain when asked to, not doing anything else for his recovery I would not be here. I think very few people can do this alone. There is no weakness in asking for help.
    Don't trust him blindly. He needs to work at it and earn that trust back that he has broken. I know that in my case that it is unlikely to ever be 100% trust again. I will always have some doubt, but he caused that and that is just one of the things he needs to live with due to his actions. Trust takes a lot of work to rebuild, and it will never be the same. Remember to trust your gut, if you feel something is off it probably is. Even the smallest lie will undo the trust that has been built. But if he is unwilling to put in the work there isn't much you can do. Make sure to take care of yourself first.

    There is a ton of support here on these forums for both the PA and the SO. Stick around and I'd try to get your bf to join too. Good luck.

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