supportive girlfriend who also needs emotional support

First of all, I don't think your feelings would be petty. I think you have every reason to be upset, sad, and/or angry? Why would your feelings would be invalid? Your boyfriend used porn before, and he did that even after he told you that he would stop. I would sure feel betrayed, and would be really angry. So, you have every right and reason to feel the way how you feel. Also, you have the right to talk to your feelings to your boyfriend. You don't have to shout though, but I think you can express your feelings in a way that is not...blameful? Is that a word?

I have a girlfriend too, and when I told her that I struggle with this, while she was deeply understanding, she felt also very hurt, and she told me that. This helped me realise that this PMO stuff is seriously hurting her, and it's not just some minor thing that doesn't even worth a sidenote. This has built up my determination to give PMO up for good. So by expressing her anger and sadness, and also her support, she has helped me tremendously to muster the strenght that is needed to change my life.

If he dismisses you, or tries to invalidate your feelings, just walk away. Some guys just try to quit because they enjoy the extra care from their gf, and occasionally enjoy PMO as well, and they never really serious about quitting.
Best of luck.

 

Women are constantly being told to suck it up and don't be so emotional. The thing is though, most of us are very emotional beings and that is a good thing! There is nothing wrong with your very real and very valid emotions. Good for you for expressing yourself to your boyfriend. He has a right to know how this is affecting you and it can actually help him quit if he knows how you truly feel about it. My husband had no idea how his behaviour affected me until,I told him and explained everything to him. He was never able to see it from my perspective before then. I know that it has helped him quit.

 

This sums it up perfectly. Indeed women are not too emotional at all, rather it is men who are often too stone faced and slow to talk about their feelings. I should know I am one ^_^ But yes expressing emotions and talking out problems is healthy for both of you and from your other threads it sounds like you are on the right track. Just wanted to say that I think you are a strong and caring woman and you should be proud of all you are doing to help.

 

Hi Wildwood, I think your communication with your boyfriend is great. He is a very lucky guy to have someone who is so supportive in his life. He is going to need unconditional love if he is going to figure out what the root causes of his porn use are and learn to confront the realities he is trying to escape. I think you can play an important role in his recovery. One word of warning, just from things I've experienced, no matter how much you help him or communicate with him, he has to be the one to make the change and take control of his life. I've tried many times to stop PMOing for my wife. It led me to to lie to her when I relapsed because I didn't want to hurt her and disappoint her and I was ashamed that I couldn't change something for her because she asked me too. I love her more than anyone in the world, she's my best friend, and I'm a romantic so I see her as the most important thing in my life. This meant that not being able to give her what she wanted led me to hide my failure and feel like shit about myself. It wasn't until I got to the point where I really wanted to change for myself and was willing to hurt our relationship with constant truth telling that I started to really change. Now I have great discussions with my wife about some of my emotional problems I have been masking with porn. I think this is hard to hear, because I know that my wife wishes she could have more control over my recovery, but, ultimately, it's in the hands of the addict to change. Keep supporting him and encouraging him to change, but just be cautious with how much you take on and how you view yourself in this situation. You're going to have to be willing to be hurt again and again on this journey or willing to leave. It's hard to protect yourself. Anyways, I hope this information is helpful. You're definitely impressive.

 

I am really happy that I was able to help. : )