Still having some trouble today. The holiday season is getting to me. Too many memories.... Last Thanksgiving and Christmas I was in a dazed stupor, having had our first D-day in November. I had already committed to hosting attending several parties (I used to be a very social person - not now) and to this day I don't know how I got through them all. I don't even remember some of it. Anyway, I am trying not to let these awful memories color this year, but not succeeding entirely. It seems so many times and places are irrevocably ruined for me. This year we tried to decide what to do about our Nov. 1st wedding anniversary. This date has been destroyed for me by a Nov 3rd D-day, so my husband suggested we use the June date when we became engaged. Ummm....that won't work because I associate it with D-day #2. You see where this is going. If there isn't a strong association with a D-day, there is an association with some other traumatic event, like a particularly egregious acting out or public humiliation, like the time he grabbed my shoulders and leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek so that he could gawk at a girl behind me without me knowing. My therapist says it is not uncommon for trauma victims to attach importance to dates and anniversaries. Yeah. Add to that places, names, sounds, colors, smells and it seems nothing is safe.