I just don't understand things the way they are ! I am feeling lonely, but am kind of enjoying being with myself, you know just sitting by myself and thinking too much about me and my life. [ Is this something to be appreciated ? ] I used to have very good friends around me, and I still do, but I just don't feel like having people around with me when I need them; Sure I just don't have to assume them to be mind readers and instead just tell them what my problem is ! But, you have got to feel comfortable for doing so in the very first place, right ? I just don't feel like my friends (the one's with me right now ) aren't just that very a much true; and I think they all come to me at once, as soon as they need/want something ! I just help them there just because I like helping others, but, they are just not there for me [ I feel that way ! ]. My friends a year ago were people who used to be like in into their issues for a small part of time and instead talk about "our" issues for major parts of time. But, nowadays it's mostly, sorry, it's always "only their" problems to be spoken about ! Sometimes when they come asking for help, I feel like thrashing them away, and humiliating them in front of our peers. But, since I have already been down that road and I definitely don't think that is not a good / even fair idea, I just help them. It's also because I feel happy for having been there for someone even when there is no one for you ! I like that sense of purpose that I have fulfilled as soon as I help people, be it my friends or a random person walking down the street. I am addicted to helping others and that's a very good quality I like in myself. [ Maybe that's how people take too much out of me ? ] They all talk to most other people and most of them have just not experienced what true friendship until they came to be friends with myself. There are some other guys among our peers whom I haven't even spoken to; Then there are the ones who just talk to me , so as to just maintain a formal relationship, you know like, I would be a spectator in your life and other stuff, but you can ask me to help you for which I may / may not help, and I would (may) still ask you to help me ! There are other rare people who want to help me and be there for me just because they love me so much, but just don't feel like doing it because they just have a ton of problems going on in their lives already. There is another type : Ones who try to abase or embarrass other people in front of many , just for the sake of maintaining that "swag-gy, thug life-y thingy"; you know like, I am always correct and I am ... blah ... I don't care about anyone else's feelings ! Screw them ! There are some others as well, who only try to get the most out of you as far as they can ! So so selfish, that they just go to whatever extent they can to just get what they wanted done by you ! Even after realizing all that, and deciding not to talk or be with them, I still can't help myself for I just see glimpses of those good friends sometimes in these people ! I am sorry, this thread began somewhere and is headed somewhere else ! But, I just wanted to share this huge heap of horse shit that was in my head all over this time ! I just don't understand what's going on in my life, there's uncertainty in my life, I don't know what/who is/are wrong or correct ? Thanks for taking time to read all this stuff ! I felt a little blown out all the while now, so that's why I shared it here !