Take a chill pill

I see a lot of anxiety here about dating and finally landing a girl in bed. Just relax....do not overthink things.

There are a lot of guys here worried about just getting laid. Be a freaking adult..and use some common sense. PMO addiction is at its core a sex addiction....so obsessing over finding a partner for sex doesn't make very much sense does it? You might as well be an alcoholic that's gone from whiskey to wine if that's all you're worried about. So, be a man and actually work on getting yourself a real relationship that is going to lead somewhere. I don't care if someone is 20 or 18....you're an adult so act like an adult.

Take your time when you meet someone. Actually date them...take her places...see some stuff...eat some food...talk (not text) on the phone. If she's pissy about not getting laid right away MOVE ON because she isn't a girl you want to be with for long. Find yourself a nice girl who makes you earn sex and doesn't just let you stick it in after a couple of dates. That's a girl who won't take care of you in the long run, and who you're not going to want to have to take care of either. A real relationship is about taking care of each other.


Also, lonely guys get desperate and creepy. I Refused to text my fiance when I first met her because I had made the mistake of sending too many texts right away to another girl. It creeped her out and it caused me a lot of anxiety when she wouldn't text back right away. I told my fiance on date one that I preferred phone calls, and I didn't blow up her phone with them. I called her once before our second date...twice before the third...and pretty soon it was almost a daily phone call before she moved in with me.

I also set my standards high. That is so crucial to you not ending up in a toxic relationship!!!!!! Mine were:

1. She had to be educated to the same level as I was.
2. She had to have a grown up job, or was well on her way to one.
3. No kids or ex-husbands.
4. She grew up in a two parent household.

I stuck to those standards, and it worked! I had to have patience, and I turned down plenty of opportunities. It took me five or six months to find her...but I did. Set common sense standards.

A few dates in I made it clear that I wanted a sexual relationship, but that I wanted to wait for a while. We kissed after three dates...held hands...etc. A month and a half in I confessed that I had problems with porn in the past that had caused embarrassing performance issues...and that I had quit before we had started dating. She took it as a sign I trusted her enough to open up about it..and it made her trust me more. It also allowed me to relax when we finally became more intimate...and I didn't worry about my performance in bed at all.

When you do finally get someone in bed...after taking the right road to get there...it will be a deeply rewarding experience if you follow the same path I did. It will be better than the anxiety surrounding hook-up culture....it'll be better because you took your time to find the right person and didn't dive on the first thing with a pretty face. Relax...take your time...don't blow up the first girl that shows any interest. When you do end up in bed 'live in the now'. Enjoy the feeling of her and you together and against eachother...allow yourself to relax and have fun and dont worry about your performance. Be honest about your anxieties with her and you'll have the time of your life.

 

Not at all what I said. I just find it exceedingly immature to set your relationship priorities to "how many dates before I get laid." Sex is great, but actual adults develop long term relationships instead of sleeping around. You won't convince me otherwise.

 

I think the point is that I see a lot of guys who are desperate to get a girl in bed. There are a lot of guys on here in their early twenties who've never had sex before. They act like it's some sort of ultimate act of manhood and they feel ashamed because they haven't had as many other partners as other guys they see..my message is that they need to just relax about it. Less than a hundred years ago it was normal for people to go on dates accompanied by a girl's family members. We've gone from that....to tinder.

Guys get preoccupied with "when is it appropriate to kiss/touch/try to have sex." It causes a lot of guys anxiety which wrecks their ability to date well. They blow up a girl's phone with texts...they get clingy because they've never had as many opportunities to develop a good relationship with a girl (or guy if they swing that way). They also get more anxious when it comes to see if PEID symptoms have gone away after nofap. They need to just relax and take dating seriously instead of worrying about when they're gonna hook up with someone. I don't think its healthy for anyone involved when it's entirely centered around getting laid. It should be centered around developing a relationship together and figuring out if you're compatible with each other. Guys who have been through a porn addiction can be vulnerable and end up in a pretty bad relationship if they aren't careful and don't take a step back and judge who they want to date based on more than looks.

 

They do say that in the US in the 1800s the average time between a wedding and a first child was about eight months!