Takes me forever to ejaculate during sex, help.

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by iampeter, May 26, 2016.

  1. iampeter

    iampeter New Fapstronaut


    It takes me forever to ejaculate during sex. I'm this girl that I'm totally in love with and she's so hot and so has no problem turning me on and making me erect. But it just takes me forever to ejaculate.

    We're quite a new couple and so before I met her I did masturbate pretty much every day.

    Would stopping myself from looking at porn and masturbating make it easier for me to ejaculate. I honestly don't mind that I don't ejaculate because I find it more enjoyable to make her orgasm but I can just tell that she thinks it is somehow her fault.

    Any advice would be great appreciated.
    rave756 likes this.
  2. rave756

    rave756 Fapstronaut

    Definitely that can be frustrating. Not sure the stats, but your'e not alone. My experience was that its at the beginning of a new relationship where the two of you haven't quite perfected hitting each others 'spots'. Happened with me and the girl that would become my wife. Had intercourse almost everyday for a week or two, going until we were tired, but no ejaculation for me. Until one day, we're going at it and feel some wetness and both look down like, hey 'what's that'. We were both very relieved when that happened, and luckily for me she stuck with it to keep trying. Took me much longer to figure out how to get her to O, so you're ahead of the game there!

    Avoiding PMO can only help, but keep trying with this girl and don't worry if you don't O. if she's open, finish yourself off, and she may gradually offer a helping hand and learn what you need.
    Lucky1 and slingshot like this.
  3. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

    I reckon you should experiment & see. Whatever happens, cutting out M & P will enhance your sexual relationship, as well as other areas of your life.

    You're going to have to commit to around ninety days to find out what it's effect will be - we're all different.

    Go for it!

    rave756 likes this.
  4. iampeter

    iampeter New Fapstronaut

    Thanks guys. We've been sexting for a week or so before we finally managed to meet up and you know. So maybe that's it, my mind is probably more used to doing the m while talking to her rather than actually do it. So I'm going to abstain from doing PM and only o when I'm with her and hopefully it will get to the point where it won't take as long.
    rave756 and traveller22 like this.
  5. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

    DE is terrible stop PMO and MO.
    It's okay for you? So you'd just MO after sex to achieve O?
    Not good it will be a vicious cycle.
    As a woman it will break her self esteem. Trust me.
    Ikindaknew likes this.
  6. Yugae

    Yugae Fapstronaut

    Of course it is very probably P induced, but if you can erect I would not see this as a problem. When you ejaculate you lose life force and you feel side effects due to the refractory period. In my opinion, you cannot have an optimal sexuality if you do this. The "valley orgasm" is so much better.

    You can search for "karezza", esoteric sex and Taoïst practices if you are interested :)
  7. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    I second karezza. It sounds so crazy but my husband and I have never had better sex. It's so intense. And neither of us Os.
    rave756 likes this.
  8. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

    It sounds bizzare to me. Sex with no O for a guy would lead him to MO in my mind...
    To each their own!! ;)
  9. rave756

    rave756 Fapstronaut

    Before starting NoFap, i would've agreed about the bizarreness of the idea of a man forgoing the O. My definition of Sex was guy gets O, girl, meh, maybe... Maybe the worst way to deal with DE/ED issues is to keep chasing the goal of an O to the point it is uncomfortable and degrading to the woman. There were times in my life, i wish i had told the girl i just wanted her to enjoy it, and I didn't need to O every time. Have a feeling they'd be coming back for more ;)
    ILoathePwife likes this.
  10. Ncolby

    Ncolby Fapstronaut

    I know that was the belief a two centurys ago and many people held that belief but today with modern science not so much. There is an intimacy with saying I am not going to O because being here is enough for me and thats all I want.

    As for your question @iampeter, I m'd quite frequently since I was a kid and when I started having sex I went through the exact same problems. In fact it took me 5 months in my last relationship before I actually could O with my girlfriend. The porn was a mjor factor as it changes how you view sexuality along with sexual desires and when you M it will desensitize you as we tend to have a grip that is just no comprison for when we are having sex which causes then a disconnect. What helped me was to take out M when having sex and to try to get off with my girlfriend. It took some time but slowly with small steps and trying new things with her I was able to find what works. But to be completely honest it takes me awhile too. I finially was able to to ejeaculate during sex consistently but I never really cut back on how long it takes. And thats not a bad thing, because if it was reversed I am sure you would feel a lot more sensitive about it. Its not always a bad thing to be able to go for a couple hours you just need to make sure to build up endurance and make the most of it so you don't get discouraged.
    Yugae likes this.
  11. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    I'm actually just reading "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" about karezza and it's crazy how much modern science does actually fit in with how karezza works.

    It is a danger, yes. That any type of sexual contact could lead to a relapse. My husband actually experienced a type of chaser effect (intense porn images invading his mind, when he didn't want them) after we made out like a couple of horny teens early on in his hard mode reboot. But we've slowly introduced sex without O and it's been surprisingly amazing and fulfilling. Trust me, I was very skeptical when we first learned about karezza. But we are finding it's increasing physically sensations for both of us and bringing us both closer, not to mention that we crave "naked time" all the time now. I am now a believer and my husband is very, very happy we tried it too. Of course, we're doing a hard mode reboot, so it was Oless sex or nothing so ... Still. I highly recommend it to anyone.
    Yugae and rave756 like this.
  12. ILoathePwife

    ILoathePwife Fapstronaut

    I forgot to mention this last night but, on the danger of MO due to karezza, it's really no more dangerous than sex with O. That's our experience anyway. Sex with O can lead to a chaser effect, leading to PMO or just MO. It's not what I previously assumed, karezza leaves you sex crazed and unsatisfied. My husband and I realized, with the help of karezza, that we were way to focused on the goal of O. With that out of the picture, we can relax and enjoy all the sensations, not just frantically work toward O. My husband and I are also looking it kind of like immersion therapy. We're training his brain not to expect an instant gratification O, which is what porn provides. Want an O? Find P and whip it out. No partner can compete with that. Karezza, it our experience, makes us crave more sexual time with each other. Again, opposite of porn.

    I totally understand the sentiment, @Rav70, I was there once. But it's one of those things that has to be tried to be believed. Having said that, I believe both partners need to commit to no O for the full benifits. At least for one full session. And, of course, if someone doesn't want to try it, that's ok too.
    rave756 and Yugae like this.
  13. Yugae

    Yugae Fapstronaut

    @Ncolby It's interesting, what has been the cause of this belief in your opinion ? In mine, this conclusion comes from experience, I've found this book which explains it very well : http://lipn.univ-paris13.fr/~duchamp/Books&more/Neurosciences/Reflexologie/Mantak Chia/[Mantak_Chia,_Michael_Winn]_Taoist_Secrets_of_Love(BookFi.org).pdf
    (may contain explicit drawings)

    Page 28 : "Considering the fact that Western sexological research is
    quite young, we might anticipate the kind of confusion that one
    finds in a teenager exploring his/her sexuality. By contrast, the
    Taoist tradition is over eight thousand years old and has reached a
    full maturity in both theory and method. In fact, both traditions are
    dealing with the control of the same powerful impulse. Whether or
    not the Taoist Sexual King-Fu can work in Western society will be
    determined in part by its translation of it into Western forms of
    scientific understanding and psychology. Its acceptance may hinge
    equally on the willingness of Westerners to adapt themselves to
    the wisdom of the Taoist masters."

    Page 30 : "2. Sperm is the storehouse of male sexual energy. A single
    ejaculation has 200 to 500 million sperm cells, each a potential
    human being. There are enough spermotozoa lost in a single
    orgasm to populate the entire United States if each cell was to
    fertilize an egg. The manufacture of a sperm fluid capable of such
    psychic super potency consumes up to a third of a man's daily
    energy output and is especially taxing on the male glandular/immu-
    nological system. (Chapters 3 and 4).
    3. Conservation of sexual energy is the first principle of
    cultivation. Ejaculation of the male seed for purposes other than
    having children is a wasteful loss of an extremely precious trea-
    sure. The energy loss over long periods of time weakens the phys-
    ical health of the male, can lead to unconscious emotional anger
    towards women and gradually robs the male higher mind/spirit of
    it's power to rejuvenate itself. For this reason many traditional
    spiritual orders in the world require male celibacy. Taoists accept
    sexual love as natural and healthy, but know the momentary plea-
    sure of genital orgasm with ejaculation is superficial compared to
    the profound ecstasy possible when love is enjoyed without the
    loss of the powerful male seed. It's every man's birthright to have
    full control over his bodily functions and prevent this loss. The
    secret Taoist methods of sealing the penis in order to conserve
    "ching" are given in Chapters 5 thru 8"

    For a more scientific approach : http://www.reuniting.info/orgasms_hidden_cycle

    A global article about karezza : http://yourbrainonporn.com/lovers-ultimate-sex-hack-karezza

    And just for clarification for everyone, it is possible for a man to have an O without ejaculation, with some training :)
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2016

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