Taking rejection too hard

I wonder if anyone here has any advice for dealing with rejection in a more healthy way?

I'm in my early 30s, my sexual experience has been extremely limited and the little I do have mostly came in my teens and very early 20s. Depression sort of derailed me for most of my 20s, it feels like it stunted my development and it certainly knocked my confidence.

I recently went on a few dates with someone who I'd been friends with and attracted to for some time who isn't long out of a messy breakup from a years long relationship. It was made clear that she was only interested in casual sex and I said I was fine with that (truthfully I was thinking it could develop into something more which isn't a healthy approach). Through a combination of drunkeness, performance anxiety and probably PIED I couldn't get an erection the first night and I was too embarrassed to try again the next morning when she initiated it.

She called it off after seeing her a couple more times. She didn't say that my inability to perform was a factor but she did say she was looking for something uncomplicated with no emotional attachment.

Objectively this is entirely reasonable of her and although I can see how someone would be disappointed in my situation it completely threw me back into some serious depression plus some obsessive behaviour I'm not proud of. Stuff like checking her social media constantly, trying to find out about guys she's alluded to seeing on Instagram, varying my route to work in the hope of running into her plus sending a regrettable message to her when drunk one night. Really just acting like a child just because someone wouldn't have sex with me. It also resulted in me breaking a two week porn-free streak getting me heavily back into PMO for a few weeks.

This was all about a month ago and I think I'm past the worst of it now, I've stopped myself from using Instagram which has definitely helped keep her from my mind and I've given up viewing pornography again as of today.

Anyway I'm oversharing here. The questions I'd love some insight on if anyone can offer any are:

• What are some methods for reacting to (objectively quite minor) incidents of rejection/disappointment/frustration in a more healthy way when you get very few opportunities for sex?
• How to avoid these disappointments resulting in PMO relapses?

 

I've definitely been there, I must have re-downloaded it 3 or 4 times in the last week but I think I'm committed to quitting it now. I don't actually follow many users who post borderline pornographic content but my usage of it is definitely unhealthy and compulsive in other ways.

 

This sounds interesting, thanks. I’ll look into it some more, regardless of the science behind it some time away from screens/the internet sounds like it could be beneficial.

I agree this needs to be the approach. I’m going to start running again and I’ve been thinking of getting back into meditation to clear my head

 

im 25 an never even touched a girl lol. i have been on two dates and the girls didnt want anything to do with me, they didnt even want to be on the date