Taking Responsibility - Essential Element of Permanent Recovery

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fenix Rising, Dec 20, 2019.

  1. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    Hi fellow Fapstronauts,

    I'd like to share some thoughts on how to maintain addiction free life.
    Some member when discussing if permanent recovery is even possible wrote: "It gets to the point I am not interested in it (porn). Then something happens where I do relapse". This made me thinking: What happens? Probably life with it's ups and downs.

    Viviene Greene wrote: "Life is not waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain." We will always be slaves of our own emotions allowing them to throw us off balance every time "shit hits the fan", until we learn how to control our own minds.

    Life hits us hard sometimes, there is no way around it. It's how we perceive and react to life's obstacles that make or break us. We have to realize that it is solvely on us how we react to everything that is happening in our lives.
    Bad things will happen to you, people die, you get devastated, ill, but how you react to difficulties is up to you, it's your responsibility.
    You can either crumble, relapse and go down the pan or you stay clean and hold your head up high with dignity and grow.
    Every thought that goes through your mind effects your body so you're responsible for those thoughts. It's difficult to think positive sometimes and shy away from pain and negative emotions you're feeling but alternative is to return to addiction rabbit hole which will eventually take everything from you.

    If I look at this december, I had all the reasons to relapse, I was told that I'll lose my job in January, my beloved aunt died unexpectedly and as her guardian I had to arrange her funeral, I became partially blind on my left eye and to make things worse docs have no clue why, plus my lawyer called and wanted $5K to cover some bullshit expenses. As you can see some serious shit has happened to me recently. If I'd still have my old mindset, I'd be fapping like there's no tomorrow right now.

    But no, through a year of daily meditation, exercise and learning about stoic philosophy I've managed to not break apart this time around. Marcus Aurelius said there are only two things you can control, your own thoughts and actions, nothing else. That's totally true when you think about it. So why worrying about outer events we have no control over, especially when stress is the number one reason for people's relapse? Or as slave Epictetus advised us on how to look at difficulties life throws at us: "The true man is revealed in difficult times. So when trouble comes, think of yourself as a wrestler whom God, like a trainer, has paired with a tough young buck. For what purpose? To turn you into Olympic-class material."
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2019
  2. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Key. I'd point out too this stands in contrast with the uber support model of recovery, whether one tries to get it in person by going to face to face meetings or just online, and it's just more and more and more and never quite enough. We gotta do our part, BUT don't think of just the times when parents and other old fogeys tell you to take responsibility without giving you any working tools. The point here is you have a CHOICE, another way of looking at the word is response-ability. Not knowing of any other options to relieve stress than PMO is a lack of that ability, it's not just a matter of power/powerlessness but also knowledge. Once some knowledge is gained it's a matter of applying it and trying it. You don't need to have the whole big picture to start with, and we never do completely, but you have to start thinking about it and trying.
    Fenix Rising likes this.
  3. Phantom81

    Phantom81 Fapstronaut

    What an amazing insight you shared here. Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts
    Fenix Rising likes this.
  4. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Thinking about it a bit more it occurs to me a simple short reminder could be 'from reactivity to response ability.'
    Fenix Rising likes this.

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