Taking stock. My motivation.

[CaptainFap]

Hi fellow Fapster0s.

Firstly I'd like to offer my appreciation to all of you who run this site and to all that contribute. Thank you.

I guess we've all come from different places in our lives to the point where enough is enough, and we need to take stock of how we are doing. And that's exactly why I've signed up to this forum.

I first saw a Playboy magazine in about 1977. I was 7. My dad had a "secret" collection under our house. I had no idea what I was doing but I enjoyed looking at the pictures of beautiful women. By the time I was about 11, I could orgasm (without ejaculation) 10 times on the trot. It was such a wonderful feeling. I still remember my first ejaculation and the feeling of fear at the liquid that came spilling out.

I accessed porn in magazine and video form until the birth of the internet. Well that changed the whole ball game. I became an expert at searching for and finding just about anything I could think of. My tastes changed. Became less mainstream and more on the fringe.

Along the way I had a couple of embarrassing "caught red handed" moments. With my colleagues and my wife. I brushed it off and kept on going. I knew I had a problem but didn't want to give up my pleasure.

Somehow I managed to father two children, which was a trial, as I was utterly uninterested in my Wife. I was seeking out the company of prostitutes to help feed my addiction and eventually my Wife and I split up. I never admitted to her what I was up to and in fact have never really admitted it to anyone, including my long term counselor.

I have a new girlfriend, we've been together for 3 years and she's wonderful. Smart, sexy, intelligent. She's as horny as hell and I have sex on tap. I'm still addicted to Porn.

Lately I've been falling into the same old traps. I've been off getting handjobs from massage palours. I haven't actually fucked a hooker in over 3 years but it's in the post. I can feel it.

Someone once said the definition of stupid is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

My eldest boy is 12, and I don't want to help his path into internet porn addiction. He'll have to battle that on his own i guess. But I'd be devastated if he found my porn collection, which has grown more and more eclectic and fetishist. He'd probably be too embarrassed to look me in the eye.

So. I need help. I need to reboot or reset and somehow get free of this monkey.

I'm here to save my relationships. With my kids and with my new partner.

Thanks again to you all. You are my inspiration. I look forward to day 60.

The Captain.

 

[Blue]

You're in the right place. All of us will be rooting for you as we all need each other. None of us could stop on our own or we wouldn't be here. Incidentally, have you thought about having a conversation with your son telling him about the dangers of internet porn? Good luck with the challenge and reach out when you need to.

 

[CaptainFap]

Thanks Blue.

I have no idea how to even start that conversation, let alone what I would say. My son seems to close down anytime I try to have a chat with him about anything remotely serious. I'd say we have got a pretty good relationship, but it's quiet superficial. He's still pretty young.

I guess I'll try to talk with him about it at some stage. Scary thought.

 

[Cyrus B]

Growing up I had a dad that tried talking to me a couple times about girls, masturbation and so forth. This was before hi speed Internet porn but by the time he tried talking to me I was too far gone.

My parents were so overly conservative sexually it made me more curious than I think I would be.

I'd equate it to other fantasy things. Unicorns and such. Emphasize it's not real, it's dangerous to partake habitually, but most of don't make him feel like a pervert or ashamed of his natural curiosity.

Just my 3 cents

 

[Narf_44]

Thanks Blue.

I have no idea how to even start that conversation, let alone what I would say.

I guess I'll try to talk with him about it at some stage. Scary thought.

I am just beginning this process myself and it freaks me out that my two sons, only 2 and 4 years old will someday have to deal with this. I have struggled with porn for 20 years, and I desperately wished my dad had come along side me and shown me what he had learned through his life, he just said, don't do that, it's bad...Okay, how is it bad??. I am starting a blog, only accessible to me (aka, can't find it on google and now one else can even read it, but to write down my story. The sick progression that I have come through, lite porn to hard core and now the PIED i now have, the depression, lack of motivation, no desire for REAL SEX etc........ Some day I will let them read my story, and my story of how I have overcome it and the wonderful things I experience and crappy things I experience along the way. I want them to see that I'm real, that they can talk to me about ANYTHING and I won't be shocked because I've been there done that and that they are not alone like I always felt. I felt I was the only one who struggled with it, now I'm finding, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS struggle with it!!