Talking to People

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by MikeTheTexan, Dec 9, 2017.

  1. MikeTheTexan

    MikeTheTexan Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I'm looking for advice.

    First, I'd like to say that I have a high-functioning form of autism. For me, this means that I great in school and technical things, but there's a black hole in my brain where my social skills were supposed to be.

    Anyway, here's my current situation:

    I go to a rather small school. In fact, my entire high school has less than 100 students. So anyway, I have a few people who I know and talk to. Occasionally I make some jokes with them. I also associate with people who go to my church. The group there is even smaller, with about four girls and six or seven guys at most.

    With the people at school, I kind of feel like people either have no opinion on me, or they dislike me simply because I have no social skills. In fact, I've been told (by my peers) that I won't get anywhere in life simply because I lack these skills (yet I have a high GPA).

    At my church, people don't generally talk to me. I make an effort, but most of the time they are being nice. Nobody actually wants do stuff with me.

    Actually, that goes for pretty much everyone. It's quite rare that someone will contact me, even just to talk about something. It's lonely, yet I see lots of people around me with lots of friends. They do stuff, talk to people, etc.

    To top it all off, girls generally avoid me like the plague. Although I had one girl at work tell me she liked me, even she backed out (never found out why, although I may have mistaken this).

    Anyway, what can I do to be better? How to I turn around my relationships with these people, as I don't really have the opportunity to meet new people?
     
  2. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Don't know you or how you react/communicate so it is difficult to give specific advice. Generally speaking, if you are friendly and show genuine interest in others they will like you. Make others feel better about themselves by seeming interested and being open/establishing mutual trust and commonalities. Ask questions. Don't over do it and make things too personal, however the tone of your post seems adequate for regular conversation (i.e. honest and straightforward). If you are shy (like me) it's something you just need to overcome with practice. Don't live in your head and just engage and even if things don't go well it can be a learning experience.

    Don't be afraid to Branch out of your communities however within the small groups you mentioned, I would recommend trying to just interact with as many people as possible as often as you can to become more familiar. I was in a similar situation myself at my old school - small amount of people and I was kind of on the outside. People have a tendency to make judgements about you which can often create a false negative perception. By just getting to know each other those judgements will often fade. Now I'm in a big school and I can't seem to make any lasting friends. Probably just have to give it time.
     
  3. Wicked Game

    Wicked Game Fapstronaut

    I used to be just like you at high school. I never was popular but managed to always have at least one friend. What always worked for me is to find the things that you have in common with people. Listen to them, get to know what interests they have. If you like sports, or cars, or video games or whatever try to talk to people who likes those things and believe me, they will like you just because of that. Even if you don't have anything in common with people, you can for example watch some football matches to get some knowledge about football so you can get in a conversation with people who are talking about football. This will change their mindset, they will stop seeing you as that boring shy guy and start seeing you as that shy guy who maybe is cool after all.
     

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