Talking topics and how to talk with girls

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by JéJee, Jun 9, 2020.

  1. JéJee

    JéJee Fapstronaut

    Hey everyone :))
    So I'm going to meet up with some girls in some days and I'm really excited but also afraid for long awkward situations where I don't know what to say. I know this can happen quite a lot with me but I would love to prevent this from happening as much as possible.
    Actually I just want to make sure I don't run out of topics to talk about. I haven't seen these girls for quite a long time, but I know them pretty good.

    Do you have any tips about topics to talk about or talking with girls in general? It's not that i'm anxious but I really just don't know what to talk about all the time.
  2. dandausa

    dandausa Fapstronaut

    Ask about their thoughts on current events, ask about their lives, ask what they are excited about, ask about their dreams, ask hypothetical questions like what would their perfect house look like, etc. Ask about things that interest you, and ask what they think about them.

    You're not going to click with everyone and that's okay. It's not necessarily your fault, you will just get along with some personality types better than others.
    angelpart likes this.
  3. Мобильный

    Мобильный Fapstronaut

    Wrong thinking. Lets say you have a ton of topics to discuss. Eventually, they all will be used. What happens then? An awkward silence. Speak about everything you want to speak, about your interests, hobbies, etc. Don't divide things into 'topics to discuss while on a date' and 'other stuff'. If you want her to be attracted to you and you do and say everything you can to make sure of that, you manipulate, meaning, you can't be trusted and she can't be safe around you and that leads to friendly interaction, not to romance.
  4. JéJee

    JéJee Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the reply! I was just wondering, isn't it a little bit weird to constantly ask all kinds of questions?
  5. JéJee

    JéJee Fapstronaut

    Thanks, you're right! I guess ucll just go with the flow :)
  6. dandausa

    dandausa Fapstronaut

    I've just found people generally like to talk about themselves. And so if the conversation is dying just have some interesting questions, that you are genuinely interested in. I really wouldn't recommend having a list. However, if all their answers are really short, or you're getting a vibe that they don't like talking to you it's probably just time to move on. But I've had fun 2 1/2 hour conversations with people where I pretty much just ask them questions and they really enjoyed the conversation. But I didn't necessarily enjoy that conversation because it was all about them, and they didn't care about me or have any questions for me.

    Don't try to force it. You won't like people long term or they won't like you if you're trying to force them to like you, or you're trying to force yourself to like them.
    Marshall 5 likes this.
  7. JéJee

    JéJee Fapstronaut

    Interesting! Thanks man, I appreciate the tips :)
  8. ooo123

    ooo123 Fapstronaut

    I have different opinion, really try to talk to a girl you love
    don't go to a random date site and just meet with a girl there IMO its not a good technique
  9. JéJee

    JéJee Fapstronaut

    Trust me I don't go go dating sites it's not my style of dating ;) thanks for the reply!
    FX-05 and ooo123 like this.
  10. ooo123

    ooo123 Fapstronaut

    Great!!!!! happy for you really!
    I want to help you but I didn't meet with a girl before
    I wish you best of luck :)
  11. Crownyourdreams

    Crownyourdreams Fapstronaut

    First of all ask about their interests, ask what they do in life. Girls like when they are asked something :) also make compliments from time to time, and everything will be good!
  12. If you compliment them make sure it is about something other that their looks.

    tease them a little, not too much or they will get annoyed with you

    don’t answer every question about yourself they ask(girls are attracted to mysterious guys) make Them guess the answers to their questions

    And don’t worry about having nothing to say, if they like you they will fill in the gaps in conversation if it’s awkward.
  13. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    Forget about this. If a girl is as much entusiasted about the date as you are she is going to make the effort also to keep the conversation alive. Just go out and have fun with them, if it happens that it is full of silences is a preatty good indicator that you are not good for each other. Why keep dating a girl you have nothing to talk about naturally? When two people click in a date they can talk for hours without any silences for a lot of dates.
  14. I didnt read the whole comments on this. But
    If you dont feel or dont have anything to say, just dont speak. If an "akward silence" is created and you feel like you have to "feel the void" so to speak, have in mind that everybody elses feeling the same. When the other person feel that they have to "feel the void" in a conversation with you thats up to them. That is very alpha thing. If there is "silence" SO BE IT. Let eveybody give in to the social pressure, not you...

    Usually guys f*ck things up because they just talk too much. Just shut up, and listen.

    Why do you feel like you have to entertain these people? Why? Just chill, man
  15. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    This is coming from a place of having an agenda. You want to avoid any form of suffering. You're trying to self preserve, but that also leads to self imprisonment. Meaning you're going to be excessively careful / overthinking / walking on eggshells / paranoid / fearful / avoidant / tense. You're basically trying to control the situation via overthinking so that you won't feel any sort of discomfort or uncertainties.

    Instead of using reason / logic / thinking your way into manipulating the situation to avoid possible negative experiences.... get in touch with what you feel would be fun to talk about or do. Would it be fun to compliment her? Would it be fun to maintain eye contact in silence? Would it be fun to smile? To tease? To play around? Any sort of physical contact? Would it be fun to talk about something you're interested in? To be curious about what's going on in her life? To talk about what's going on in your life? Would it be fun to check her out and allow her to catch you doing it? Would it be fun to bask in the silence and allow her to feel the tension and basically play chicken to see if she'll try to ease the tension before you do?

    If you stop being stuck in your head so much, you'll be able to find the things to do and say that you find to be fun. You'll be able to be present and notice things about her and about the environment around you. There's more than one way to communicate and it's not limited to words. Let go of the need to control a future situation that hasn't even happened yet. Be in the moment and interact with it and whoever it involves.

    For example, if you're interested in her and you run out of things to say... point out the fact that it really sucks that you ran out of things to say because you love talking to her.

    If you don't allow for possible negative experiences due to taking risks and not stuck in your head trying to control the uncertainties of the situation, then you also limit the possible positive experiences. Walls of self preservation are also walls of self imprisonment. You trying to protect yourself from being hurt is also stopping you from being able to enjoy the interaction and naturally saying / doing what you find to be fun.
    Adam17 and Marshall 5 like this.
  16. JéJee

    JéJee Fapstronaut

    Thank you all guys for replying! It really means a lot to me. I love this community lol
    Adam17 and thinking_differently like this.
  17. DreamingOfABetterLife

    DreamingOfABetterLife Fapstronaut

    Ignore all advice from this thread. Just go and see what happens. Ignore my advice too :D.
  18. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

    It’s of course good if you avoid awkward situations, but what’s more important: if you do have an awkward situation, you should have the ability to change the topic at the right pace, and move on and forget about that awkward moment.

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