TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury)

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Daggertail19, Sep 12, 2019.

  1. Daggertail19

    Daggertail19 Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    This is my first post in this section, I have been dealing with PIED for a while now and have only used this forum for those reasons. But now I am deciding to deviate from that topic so here I go.

    When I was 17, I was involved in the most freak accident I can think of. I was at a birthday party and at some point we all decided to go outside and play 'fugitive' which is basically just a better name for tag. 17 years old playing tag? I know, it already sounds crazy.

    Well at some point during the game, I ran into one of my other friends and slammed my head on the asphalt. This caused a brain bleed and I was rushed to the hospital where I had brain surgery. After the surgery, I was medically induced into a coma for about 3 weeks. Let me just say that the dreams in the coma and what I felt during that whole ordeal is in-explainable. I have tried psychedelics like shrooms, LSD, tried E and molly, and avidly smoke weed. Not one of those comes close to what I experienced in those dreams.

    Apparently the hospital I was in was not taking good care of me, so my parents had me transferred to a different, more familiar hospital. Fast forward to the next hospital, I was prepared for another surgery. When I had the initial surgery, a bone flap was removed and placed in my abdomen to keep it alive. Crazy right? Imagine how I felt. So the second surgery was to put that bone flap back. After a successful operation, My recovery process began.

    I could not walk, talk, or even move with ease. I lost my voice because my vocal chords were affected from the trauma and breathing tube. Walking was impossible, I had to be seated on a wheelchair and had to kick my feet to move. That was nearly impossible, but I pushed through it. Moving any inch of my body without feeling pain or any sensation at all was a problem. I felt like my life was over. Before this, I played water polo in High School and was very active. So to not be able to do any of that was very frustrating and confusing to me. After some time, I was transferred to a rehab center that was connected to the hospital I was in.

    In rehab I had speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy everyday. I felt so helpless. Again, I thought my life was over. I was the only person in that center that was as young as I was, so seeing a bunch of old people trying to recover from whatever unfortunate condition they had was pretty scary to me. Thankfully I had youth on my side, and each day was one step closer to recovery. Long story short, I trained my body with the help of my therapists to recover, not fully, but enough to be discharged.

    I guess the reason I decided to share this story is because almost 6 years later, I am still haunted by this experience. I had much support from both my family and high school friends, so at the time it was not that bad. But now I am reflecting.

    Am I more anxious because of this? More paranoid? Depressed? I am not sure. I guess now I am trying to find myself and find my point and purpose in this life. Being so close to death I sometimes wonder what death is truly like. There is something peaceful about the thought of a coma.

    If you read this far I appreciate you. I don't know what kind of responses I am looking for, but there is my story.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2019
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  2. Caligula

    Caligula Fapstronaut

    Oh shit what a brutal story.

    What's your current status? Are you fully healed?
     
  3. Daggertail19

    Daggertail19 Fapstronaut

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    I can say that physically, I am 110% better. It has been a long recovery.

    However, mentally I do not believe I have fully recovered.
     
  4. Caligula

    Caligula Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear that. By not being mentally recovered do you mean your cognitive functions are damaged or that your psychology is messed up?
     
  5. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Really interesting story, thanks for sharing it. It seems completely understandable that you'd still have some mental recovery to do after such a life-altering experience.
    I don't think you're going to be able to separate "you" from this experience, nor do I think you should anyway. "Who would I be without this experience?" isn't as helpful to ask as "Who am I now with this experience?"

    I think it's natural to wonder what life would be like if X hadn't happened, or if you'd done Y differently, or if Z had only gone the way you planned. We all ponder these types of things.

    I'm glad to read that you've had an excellent physical recovery. I think it's healthy to contemplate your purpose in life and to try to learn who you really are. You might be treading a little water right now while you sort this out, but I think you'll continue to gain clarity and define your purpose as you continue along. One day you may be fortunate enough to look back on this life-transforming experience as a type of forged-by-fire trial. What it's taken to not only survive it, but to recover and grow from it will no doubt serve you well the rest of your life. You'll have built-in perspective that can only come from experience like that.

    Thanks again for sharing your story Daggertail. You seem like a neat person.
     
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  6. Daggertail19

    Daggertail19 Fapstronaut

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    My psychology is messed up a little, I get weird emotional spurts sometimes when I pass big buildings that look like a hospital while driving. That is just an example, I think about how I felt in the coma a lot and what I experienced. Don't get me wrong, the fact that I lost all my ability to live like normal and trained my body to come back makes me feel powerful. There are a lot of positive things that came out of this experience, but there are definitely some lingering thoughts you know?
     
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  7. Daggertail19

    Daggertail19 Fapstronaut

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    I could not agree more. I am very humble about it but am also very proud of myself for coming back from this. I appreciate life a lot more now, that is a fact.

    Thank you for being interested enough to share your thoughts.
     
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  8. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    Hey,
    It's totally normal to keep thinking about this, perhaps even every single day. Maybe even every hour. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. I think it could help though to put your thoughts in perspective and to reconsider them, e.g. when you see a hospital it makes you feel emotional, somewhat afraid I can imagine, but at the same time you have a lot to thank the medical world for. I don't know if that's how you feel? I'd totally understand should you think it's not that simple and it probably isn't, but gratefulness and fear are two different emotions, if that makes sense?
    Your story reminds me a lot of what happened to a professional Belgian cyclist a few years back. It won't make it any less bad I know but it happens to the best and all it seems to take is a little twist of fate. These are bone-chilling stories but they also show how resilient humans are and how lives are saved around the world, which can only be good. It definitely shouldn't be something that makes you feel less human or something along those lines because reading your story you can tell you are far from done with life and there has to be a reason you made it. Not sure if you believe in God but I sincerely believe we all go somewhere when our time here is up. Everything happens for a reason. So it must not have been your time. I definitely recognize the before and after aspect of it all. Not that it's the same but I've also had a health condition, in part because of my addiction that kind of split my life in two one day. And so you keep thinking about that day and how life was before. It can be hard to let go. People are suffering everywhere and most of the time they don't deserve what they are going through. It can make you feel cursed, perhaps even hopeless, but I sincerely hope you come to think of it as a gift at some point in life. There definitely is a reason stuff like this should happen I believe. Perhaps the universe wants to put us all to some kind of test sooner or later.
    You deserve to feel strong and proud man. You really do. After what you've been through you deserve all of the respect you can get. Everyone has some sort of close encounter with death at some point in life, whether it's an accident, a disease or the loss of a loved one, and it really makes you put things in perspective. Good to hear you made a good physical recovery and that you are doing well man. Please never feel alone, we are all here to help each other.
    All the best!
     
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  9. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

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    I suggest you to read the biography of Stephan Hawking and learn the most important life lessons from one of the best man ever on the planet.
     
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