Teen struggling with sissy hypno porn, suicidal thoughts, need help badly

Your brain is fucked up, not YOU! If you want(I know u do) just relapse once more and make it your last time because it will make you really committed. Please don't lose hope dear friend.
Please open this link:- https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/whos-on-day-0-just-relapsed.116692/#post-953727

 

Hey I am also into the same fetish ever since I was 11 whats worse for me was that before I watched porn or knew anything about sex I always fantasized about the same stuff you see in the sissy hypno. I also was confused about my sexuality and it use to drive me nuts. However, I discovered sissy hypnos like 4 years ago and it matched my mentality. I have tried many things to fight these urges for more than decade I happened to fail many times while urges took control of me strongly. Recently I have been trying to fight these thoughts and this time I am dead serious in order to end it once and for all, for 2 month I managed to fight these urges very well but unfortunately it took me back again but I haven't given up and the way I am fighting these seems to help me better than the past. I also use to have suicidal thoughts regarding this issue. I am going to give you some advise hope it helps.

1st of all quit all the sissy hypno videos do not watch them does not matter if you are dressed like girl or just casually and curiously looking at it. If you do it, it will take control of you.

2nd of all try to grow your facial hair it helped me a lot matter of fact once I fully shaved it due to my feminine face the urges took over me.

3rd of all fap regularly by looking at pictures of hot ladies only without any guys around them. I have to disagree on the 90 day fap challenge specially for this, part of this sissy fetish is to lock a guy in chastity and deny him of having sex in order for the sissy urges to get even stronger. The 90 day fap challenge may trigger your sissy fetish and get you back on it at far worst level.

lastly if the urges took over you somehow with all your effort don't be hard on your self just try again and don't give up you may fail many times just like me just don't feel to guilty about it and fight it again and please do not end your life, life is full of experiences you need to live it to the fullest not end it because of this problem.

Good Luck if you ever need any help I am here for you

 

Hi there, mates!


I'm 17 years old and I had been addicted to the stuff for over 4 years -and it progressively got worse, to the point of severe depression and thoughts about suicide- and lately (about three and a half month ago) I reached the point where I hit rock bottom. On the best days I was feeling like I'm falling through empty space with no hope of ever coming to a stop while on the worst days I felt like I needed to end my life right there and then and that I was a disappointment to everyone. Eventually I came to realise that this had to be stopped. I realised that I needed to take back the steering wheel over my own life./And as you can guess this is the story of how I overcame this addiction and where I stand as of now./ I started to talk with the psychologist in our school -even though in my country, Hungary, people have the preconseption against doing it- and I've spent by this moment, over 40! hours in talking with her. But at first it didn't go anywhere.

Then, I realised that I needed to stop watching this crap, because it made me feel this way. It made my life go to shit! I had no friend in the class, in the year, I only had one or two friends at all! So I tried. At first I couldn't resist the overwhelming amount of craving for this material for more that a few days.
I also realised that I can talk about this so I mentioned it to my psycholigist. She didn't jugde me, and it was -by itself- a big thing for me, that I no longer thought I had to hide it from everyone. I later told about my porn addiction to my parents and they also undertood it. It felt great.

But! I still had to figure out a way to take abstinence from the stuff. I turned all parental control devices on, and I promised that I would NOT watch the stuff. But it was hard as fuck! when I didn't watch it I felt like the world is monochrome, that everything is boring and that it's my fault. I couldn't sleep at night -even though I'va always been good at sleeping-because pictures, words and sounds, different captions came to my mind, I could see and hear them when I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. I also had wierd and disgusting dreams, I even had a dream that I relapsed. And doing my daily activities was hard, especially the one involving the internet, because there was always a risk that I would relapse. And when I did relapse I falled deeper into depression and self hatred. (Seems familiar?) After a few tries when I relapsed in few days, I tried a new method.

After I relapsed on my 17th birthday -and fucked up my 12 day streak-, I got furios and I decided to take drastic measures. I disassemled my PC and
I folded my smartphone in half -it literally has a 90 degree turn in it- and so I was left with NO ways, no devices to access the internet (as my parents don't have smartphones and there isn't WIFI in our home to begin with)! As time was moving slowly and the vicious sympthoms were there, it was hard but I couldn't relapse! And as time passed the sympthoms of the stuff's withdrawal slowly started to die down. After four days, on the fifth night I could sleep better, my urges weren't as strong as before etc.

We also achieved improvement with my psychologist as she recommended me an audio program in the form of a list of youtube videos titled "Phoenix Seminar", as "I will not regret listening to it, I should give it a try." So I bought a 9.6 dollar mp3 player, I pirated the YT videos in mp3 form in the school library, and started to listen to it. (here's a link to the audio if you're interested: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLtoi2LbvHaP7-92KZRgZcriu9Tn1zuOPJ&disable_polymer=true)

After this, things began to improve. I listened to the audio program al lot. Istened to it while I was going somewhere, when I wanted to listen to music, I just started to listen to and as of now, I think I've listened to the whole audio program 30 times or so. And On the 15th day -I remember, I was crapping, when- something happened that I could only descibe as a switch flipped in my head. I suddenly, almost at an instance stopped feeling like I need them so much. Suddenly, I felt better. And after 27 days, I achieved the point where I felt like I can use the internet again.

This was also hard. At first, I relapsed after a few days, -even with all the parental contol devices on the world- but they were not really big relapses and I was much stronger and I also felt much better. But I knew it had to be stopped. So I drew a line into my calendar saying from this moment onwards, no more of this matter.

After this, I prohibited myself from watching any videos or pages I knew were explicitly about this. /At this point, interestingly I had no intension to watch regular porn./ So when the strong urges came I olny let myself to click on things that I hoped wouldn't get me to pages explicitly about sissy stuff. Things went quite well, as -even though I can only repeat that it was fricking hard- I managed not to M and O and while google safe search saved my ass more times than I would care to admit, I didn't watch this toxic shit either!

I went till 24 days! till june 23. But my head cleared considerabely, I came to see things I couldn't understand things before. Some of these were:

• This whole fetish, this whole BS is olny a small part of BDSM, even though this kind of media wants you to believe that this is life itself.
• The people making these are either evil or sick themselves.
• The day I'm on, doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm NOT the things this material tell me I am.
• I don't need this stuff. I'm NOT addicted
• et cetera

Right now I believe that I'm trough the addiction, my sexual desires and my feeling are also starting to normalize again. I'm NOT addicted anymore, and I'm absolutely determined that I will never watch these things again!

But I've found ther's an effect which is permanent. These things permanently erase your previous concept of self, of who you are. After watching these for several years, I can not answer the question "How am I?" anymore. But this can be changed. Right now, I'm consulting my psychologist in order to rebuild my self concept. The way it's meant to be.

Good luck to you! I hope you also succeed and overcome this shit!

Johnny