Telling to my wife or not?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by fercho29, May 23, 2015.

Should I tell my wife I am a porn addict struggling to recover?

  1. Yes, this will help me because I do not need to hide it anymore

    14 vote(s)
  2. No, she will get upset and this will add more stress to the NoFap already stressful challenge

    0 vote(s)
  1. MattRN

    MattRN Fapstronaut


    This is very similar to how my story went.
  2. Hi Matt
    Good job, congratulations!
    I am SO happy that you could speak out and she took it in the right way.
    I am sure you will see how your relation will improve immediately, because now you do not need to hide anything from her.
    You did the right thing. To build s relation in lies goes nowhere
    Congratulations again, I am happy that my advise was helpful
  3. MattRN

    MattRN Fapstronaut

    Yes it was very helpful. The weight is lifted. I had such guilt in not telling her. It feels great for me to know that I can now discuss my feelings regarding this with her. I feel that it will bring us much closer together.
  4. odan360

    odan360 Fapstronaut

    i think you should dont wait till 50 years lol and if you tell her she might not try to seduce you and tempted you do masturbate more on porn. it takes alot of courage but dont wait sir! (since ur older)
  5. dontwasteadrop

    dontwasteadrop Fapstronaut

    You will also feel more accountable for your actions now that you have her in your corner. Every little bit helps right?
  6. Yes, I agree.
    You have an "accountability partner" next to you every day, that you can report now. This helps a lot.
    Some times I get up a bit sad in the morning, or without confidence that aim will be able to make it no fapping through the day and it is good that I do not need to hide it from her anymore , because this was adding additional stress and sadness.
    I believe that I get up like this because Inhad some bad dreams, or I was dreaming on porn or sex, because I got up with a morning wood. Have you any of you had the same sad feelings ?
    The sadness goes away after breakfast, fortunately.
    It is amazing how the brain of the addict is working against our best interest, which is to stay clean, right?
    It is like the little angle and the little demon over our shoulders in the movies.
    I hope this fades away as I move forward with my reboot
  7. MattRN

    MattRN Fapstronaut

    I do not think it is a good idea to be sad when you wake up with an erection. This I believe is part of the healing process. I went for years without having " morning wood" now I am getting it back. This tells me that my body is beginning to work the way it should and respond to natural things rather than to just porn.
  8. dontwasteadrop

    dontwasteadrop Fapstronaut

    If you're waking up with morning wood, you're on the healthy side of horny.
    MattRN likes this.
  9. Hi Matt and donwaste:
    Yes, I am really happy about the morning wood, also my sex life with my wife has improved a lot.
    Can you believe that I even can smell her perfume more than before I started NoFap?
    It is amazing how so much porn even fog our senses, right?
    We watched together yesterday one of my favorite TED Talk videos, this is the one that moved me stronger to start NoFap:

    It was very important for me to watch it together with her, because this guy can express so well how we feel when we are addicted to porn
    Hope you like it
  10. Hi guys, it is time to update this old post and ask for advise:
    I spoke to my wife four months ago about my addiction and she was very supportive and understandable about it. It was very helpful to boost my confidence and move forward in my reboot.
    Unfortunately, tow months ago she started resenting the issue, she is feeling sad and with some sense of betrayal. She cannot completely accept that I have been hiding 35 years about my PMO addiction, she says that she always used to tell me that i was like absent, with my mind wondering somewhere else, and I always replied that I was worried about my job, or another excuse.
    She realized now that all that time I was distracted by my urges, hiding hours in the bathroom to watch porn and fap, staying at home in the morning waiting for her to leave to the office (we work together), with the excuse that I needed to concentrate in some "special project", etc.
    I feel very guilty that I am causing so much pain to her. She told me this week that she does not know if she can stand this anymore. She feels that I have been neglecting her, putting her aside, not listening when she spoke, etc. That I have always been the center of attention, and she support me in my career, my job, my studies, teaching in the university, etc. while she lost her career with the kids and supporting my success.
    I feel guilty and sad, and I am trying to catch up, but some days I feel it is too late.
    I asked her if she still loves me, and she replied:" it is not that easy".
    She told me that my presence overwhelm her, that some times she is more relaxed and happier when I am out of town.
    I have been trying with all my energy these last 5 months to show her that I do care, that I am not that egomaniac guy anymore, that my first goal in reboot is to make her happy. But it seems she is not convinced about this, and she does not want to suffer anymore because of me.
    I remember when i posted the question about coming out to my wife, that some guys said that I should not, because she would eventually use this against me some day.
    Ok, this day has arrived, and I do not know what to do now.
    I am very strong in my reboot (not even this sadness and stress gave me temptation to relapse), but I do not want to jeopardize my marriage.
    It is an irony: I thought that recovering from PMO would save my marriage and my life, and it seems that it is having the opposite effect.
    Any suggestions?

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