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Temptation: thoughts about having a daddy, bdsm

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Gods_princess, Aug 20, 2018.

  1. Gods_princess

    Gods_princess Fapstronaut

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    The amount of terrible things I saw on 'fetlife' is horrifying. I've been so curious the last day that I registrated on that website. There was so much skin, people showing themselves in degrading positions, porn adverts. It was disgusting. It seems as if bdsm is all about Sex if you're on that website. Men have their penises as profile picture and women half naked pictures. I don't want that kind of relationship these people have. Also, it seems as if they are often just hooking up instead of being fully committed to each other. Men were showing their 'subjects' naked and disgusting men were commenting on that. I deleted my account there today.
     
  2. Gods_princess

    Gods_princess Fapstronaut

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    I didn't really watch porn related to bdsm. But I hope those fantasies will go away.
     
    Jason_Tesla_19 and Master Chips like this.
  3. I feel you. I am facing the same kind of fantasy you are facing but for the opposite genders :p Trust me it will go away. When I got 30 streaks once I was wondering how did I watch weird things like that. It is a matter of cleaning our minds of that mess. It is not necessary to watch a kind of material to gain its fantasy, maybe a single scene or thought that came to your mind and made that, and maybe even not related to that. but by PMO, mind seeks more desire to fulfill its pleasure, and I think Fantasies & fetishes have a part in that.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2018
  4. Gods_princess

    Gods_princess Fapstronaut

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    i should stop seeking attention from strangers. How can I stop?
     
  5. These kinds of desires appear to be more or less natural to some women, although yours are a bit extreme. In any case, sexuality is very malleable, if you engage in something, those pathways will become stronger and you will gradually be conditioned to it, and if you don't engage in something those pathways will wither away and weaken. So engage in sexual behaviors you want to reinforce and don't engage in sexual behaviors you don't want to reinforce. Also, your sexual desires appear to be mostly self-centered, that is focused on yourself and what's going to be done to you. I would suggest focusing more outward, on your partner.

    Also, you should read this thread:
    Changing view of sex after reboot
     
  6. Gods_princess

    Gods_princess Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. That actually inspired me. Before I had sex I had very romantic views on Sex and intimacy. I hope I will get back to that state once I recover.
     
    Jason_Tesla_19 and SirErnest like this.
  7. We are creatures of habit...
     
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  8. Gods_princess

    Gods_princess Fapstronaut

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    Hey, it has not become better with the attention seeking thing. why can't I just stop? Of course, my week's been busy but when the weekend began I let myself go.. Again.. I went to a telephone chat.
     
  9. You had free time, and you haven't fully built new habits. Keep trying!
     
    Immature and Gods_princess like this.
  10. I recommend you to set strategies, plans and seek accountability. I am here if you want :)
     
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  11. Gods_princess

    Gods_princess Fapstronaut

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    Hey, I feel miserable because I have so little will power. I prayed so many times for forgiveness but I fall all the time. Does someone have experienced that? That despair of sinning over and over again? And have you become free?
     
  12. Simple answer bro. Quit praying and start facing your problems head on. Meditate and do some deep introspection, and figure out your problems as such. Only you can solve your deepest problems. As long as you do not lie to yourself during this process, it will help.
     
    Kenzi likes this.
  13. Bang. I like it. We are adults and humans. Let's get the job done!
     
  14. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    It depends. I have engaged in many many master/slave relationships mainly where I was the submissive, but I also did stuff where I was a dom.

    For me it’s all based around orgasm and sexual pleasure. It was an empty sexual experience and was very drug-like, a focus on adrenaline and fulfilling my sexual need through giving up control or having control. I usually felt shame afterwards cuz it wasn’t inline with my morals and who I want to be.

    There’s nothing wrong with sexual exploration but for PMO/sex addicts it can be a slippery slope. And it might be better for you to spend some time writing out your ideal sexual life and who you want to be, before you engage in anything like that. Make sure you follow that moral path of yours otherwise there will most likely be inner turmoil.

    And for me the inner turmoil lead to depression and suicidal thoughts.

    Also through no PMO and doing lots of work on myself im realizing the sexual person I thought I once was isn’t really me. It was skewed due to porn.

    I also think I was seeking pleasure through pain and domination because I had really low self esteem and little respect for myself and life in general with a mix of needing love/companionship. Not sure if you share this same set of feelings about your life.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2018
    Jason_Tesla_19 likes this.
  15. As
    As a Single Christian and a guy, I can offer my perspective if you need help digging into the brain of a male, and dealing with the love for Jesus and the battle of PMO. Let me know if I can help....
     
  16. Gods_princess

    Gods_princess Fapstronaut

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    Now we're already on the 2nd of October. In fact I haven't done PMO for some days now. Problem is just that I watched something like 'sub porn' onNetflix. It was recommended for me and I was curious. Thecouple was practically doing it the whole movie. You could see a lot of skin. Like the breasts of the girl and the p of the guy. I don't know if I was horny but I kinda wanted to see the sex scenes. I know it's very bad. I think I have to block Netflix because the movies there are not good at all.
     
  17. Gods_princess

    Gods_princess Fapstronaut

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    I feel the same way. When my self esteem is the lowest I want to be controlled.
     
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  18. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Dude, so this is happened to me the past two days. Out of nowhere fantasy of degradation, being owned, completely selfish sexual desire came to me.

    I realize that not only do I have to abstain from PMO but I also need to re-wire my sexual engagement and fantasy. Because I’ve been away from PMO first six months but I still have a connection to this unhealthy fantasy life.

    I know it’s unhealthy because it’s not in line with how I want my life to end up. It’s just a really selfish sexual desire of mine based and loneliness, selfishness

    It’s really difficult to explain and I’m still learning now but this is the best I’ve gotten so far and understanding that desire and urge to be controlled and degraded. It’s such a powerful arousal, yet so incredibly unhealthy to my Emotional state.

    Glad to hear I’m not alone with this. I wish my sexual desires were in line with my life goals because it would be much easier if they were :)

    A friend pointed out that this sexual fantasy seems to be closely related to childhood trauma i had. I didn’t even make the connection, he just asked me what my earliest sexual experiences were and in that moment I realized there is a very huge similarity to my desire for degradation and being controlledand my earliest sexual experiences. Interesting.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2018
    Master Chips likes this.
  19. Gods_princess

    Gods_princess Fapstronaut

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    HARD RELAPSE YESTERDAY AND TODAY

    Lately I've been thinking about my daddy issues a lot. Yesterday I asked my sis that has the pin for the access to the App Store in my phone to give in the pin because I wanted to install an app which I needed. Which was true. Problem is the access to all apps was free! Soon I downloaded an anonymous chat app where it went down slowly. I started with having chats with random guys but soon I started to post sexy pics (of course with clothes on, no face) in the group chats to get more attention. More more more.. It lead to having cs with a guy. Afterwards I felt terrible. I repented. But I didn't delete the app. In fact,I downloaded a fetish app. I did nothing there but I had a few messages from some guys who weren't really interested in getting to know me. They just wanted a slave. This day was not really better. I didn't read the bible just heard one chapter on the bible app. This evening my desire to be seen arouse again. I started to post pics in the chat app again. But somehow the messages I got were boring for me so I took my mothers phone to see if the incognito mode works (it has qustodio on it). Surprisingly it worked and I had access to p o r n. I watched it and did mo. After that I realized what I had done. I hadn't watched p for 10 days or so and now I had just done it. I asked Jesus for firgiveness and read one chapter in the Bible. Here are some verses I found helpful:

    „Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.“
    ‭‭James‬ ‭4:7-10‬ ‭KJV‬‬
    http://bible.com/1/jas.4.7-10.kjv

    Problem is my mindset has been very bad the last weeks. I've been tired and insatiable. I felt so much need for attention. I constantly talked in a phone chat. I don't have much energy for doing my paper for university. I just let it slip. I have no strength to pray and think God is mad at me and how can he love me? But I repented and I want to try again. I want to be strong and beat this whole PMO thing. But I know I need Jesus to fill my emptiness.
     
  20. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Hey, curious if you’re familiar at all with 12 step programs?

    The AA Big Book talks about the spirituality aspect of recovery (in your case Christianity) and says some important stuff about what comes after our faith in order to remain sober.

    It says, “though our desicion [belief in a higher power] was a vital and crucial step, it could has little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our [PMO addiction] was but a symptom. So we had to get down to the causes and conditions.”

    This was my experience. Spirituality wasn’t enough for me to stay sober. Craving didn’t lessen until I started to clear away all the crap in my head. I did this through doing the 12 steps with a sponsor, going to therapy, and journaling a lot. Also crying a lot too cuz it was painful. I’m still exploring 6 months later, cuz im still not done uncovering all the crap.

    Hope this helps you with your recovery! Reach out any time
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2018
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