Hello everyone, 30 year old here, I finally made the step to create an account here, since I do have a serious problem. A short history of my porn addiction I have a (rather rare) fetish. It does not matter which one and I rather keep it to myself, it's NSFL. (EDIT: see below) However, this fetish does not involve any kind of abuse or violence. I discovered these particular liking as a kid, so I am sure it is not related to PMO. As teenager, the only way I could act out my fetish was by watching porn. Apart from that I had a pretty normal youth, I had affairs with girls, relationships and all that stuff. However, I never stopped watching fetish porn. And it got more and more, until I did it so often that I neglected my studies. I remember times, were I did not leave my room for several days, just because I could not stop fapping all day long. These "fapping days" went on for years, and I lost countless days. Obviously, I failed many exams---just because of my PMO addiction. Today, I am convinced that PMO prolonged my studies for about four years. However, at some point, I still managed to graduate. Graduating late is common in my country, so luckily that is not a big deal. But deep down inside, I know that I graduated years too late, just because of PMO. I could have done so much better! I tried to quit porn for so many years, so many times and I lost all hope at some point. However, I have a good job, a girlfriend, friends and a decent life. But all this jeopardized by PM. Some highlights of my porn addiction For the last two years, I got up early, when my girlfriend got up and went to work. And I spent the entire morning just fapping---for hours(!) I usually went to the office at noon and after some hours of work, I could not concentrate because I thought about PMO all the time. Since, I am often alone in my office I even watched porn in the office. Showing up late at the office is common in my job, so this does not arouse suspicion. I was late to many appointments because I could not stop fapping in time. Once my hand made fapping movements while being in half sleep---while lying next to my ex-girlfriend. That was about five years ago and it rang my alarm bells. However, I could not stop, no matter how hard I tried. My ring finger has one muscle, that seems to be stronger, I can feel it. I experienced serious problems getting up in the morning (it got worse, recently). Even though I woke up, I fapped (up to ten times (!)) and it took me hours to get up. I fapped (with and without porn) even though I did not feel like fapping, I "had to" (a clear proof of my addiction). I could not stop, no matter how much I tried, no matter how often I came---even if I did want to stop. Again a proof of addiction. My problems caused by PM Concentrating is super-hard, no matter how often I do PMO. It was a lot easier when I did not watch so much porn. At some point I could barely work(!), because I was thinking about PMO all the time. Put differently I was ruining my career! I had some serious (but manageable) failings at work, because of my addiction. But it is not too late to fix this. I work less hours than my work contract requires. Which is not a problem, since most results are fine and nobody notices. But I could achieve so much more! Sometimes I experienced PIED. PMO addiction took me so much time. I mean, lost years of my career. Often I had little self-esteem and I am becoming more and more quiet. I'm sure that's related to PMO, typically, I'm talkative and funny. When I did too much PMO, I lacked motivation for almost anything. Things I am afraid of I tried so many times and failed. Naturally, I'm afraid to fail again. My last NF attempt (without creating an account) lasted less than a week. Since I watched porn for so many years, I fear that my personality might change. I might get more self-confident, when arguing with my girlfriend. That might have some consequences on our relationship. Maybe good ones, maybe bad ones. I like drinking, but I control myself. Not too often. I fear alcohol might become a PSUB. Things that motivate me I still have pretty good chances in my career, even if I wasted so much time on porn. Luckily, I am socially skilled: I can present my self, I'm good at networking and I'm not so bad in my field. My grandpa was incredibly disciplined. He suddenly died when I was on holiday, he would be very disappointed, if I waste my life on PM. I quit smoking about 6 years ago. I rebooted my smoking habits to one cigarette every few month. I can do the same with porn! I have many interests and hobbies. I just had no time for them because of my porn addiction! I want to be a father some day. I cannot imagine being a good one, while being addicted to PMO. My girlfriend does not want to have children. That is a heavy lot for me, but that is another topic. The stories in this community. I don't feel alone. There are so many things to discover in life! I am an incurable optimist. There is always hope. Sometimes I managed to stay clean for a day or two. Staying clean gives you so much power! I want that power! Day 2 is almost over now and I feel so much more power and achieved things! Things I want to achieve Regain control about my life. It was dominated by porn and I want to be free and not controlled by porn anymore! Regain my ability to concentrate. Improve my self-discipline. Spend more productive time on my hobbies. Enjoy it when I attract women. Stay clean until I fell rebooted. At October 1st, I started a 90 days challenge. No more PM this year! With maybe one onetime exception for a special occasion. But I'm not sure about that yet. EDIT: Fuck that one time, that's way to dangerous! I'm happy to share experiences, exchange with fellows, be an AP (messaging only) and help others. Stay strong everyone!