T
Ten
Guest
Hello brothers and sisters,
I use the forum a lot and noticed a lot of people continuing to fail like I once used to. Here are my top dozen tips for making it through your first, consistent 90 days.
1. Don't continue to question your initial decision to heal
The addict's brain lives in all of us. It will try to be sneaky and have you rationalize or question your choice to go clean. This is because of the chemical addiction. Gretchen Reuben, author of habit-formation self-help books, says people who stick most to their goals are the ones who decide ONCE and then don't waste their mental energy continuing to requestion their decision or purpose. So just make the choice to stop PMO once, and then mindlessly follow through for 90 days ACTING that choice out. It's mundane, yet it'll get you through the challenge and will protect you from the gremlin who whispers in your ear all the lies and falsehoods as to why you should relapse. Don't listen to that gremlin! Remind yourself that you've made the choice already so you don't have to think about it further.
2. Don't jump into the cooking pot: avoid trigger-seeking at ALL costs
So this world is hypersexualized. We are exposed to sexy ads everywhere and there are a million ways companies use enticement to manipulate and seduce our senses. Choosing to abstain and HEAL in a world such as this is no easy thing, so don't make it any harder. Remind yourself that there is a facet of your current being that desperately wants to keep things the way they have been these last few years: miserable but fueling. That facet is the gremlin who is hooked on the dopamine of the urge, the excitement of the search, the constant need for novelty and escalation. That part of your psyche does not care about your greater health. It only cares about feeding. When you intentionally trigger-seek, you are playing with fire and giving that gremlin fuel. You are allowing the urge level to rise to the point of no-return where you toss your noble intention aside for a dirty wad rag. As an addict, there are going to be tricks your brain is going to play on you to try to convince you to peek, test, or play stupid as you put yourself in a bad situation. You know the outcome. Your higher brain knows there are lines best not crossed. Do not cross them or even approach them! Help yourself heal! My motto is "I'm a healing man and I abstain" and this is what I say to myself over and over as a nicer way of telling myself NO. Self-denial leads to self-discipline. Self-discipline leads us to results we end up taking pride in. But we can only get there if we don't trigger seek. If you are tempted to do so, recognize that your are escalating as a reaction to an emotion. Identify that emotion and then practice a new vehicle as a response. Instead of seeking out, seek within. Write in a journal, draw, call a friend, help a neighbor. The more you start redirecting the flow, the easier time you will have with keeping that gremlin asleep (so you can suffocate him to death while he does).
3. Install P blockers so you can have insurance against yourself
Look, I understand the final goal is to have the will power to not expose yourself to P on the Internet without aid and that is a fine goal. But right now, you have to admit to yourself that you are not well. Living at home with a device without a blocker as an addict is the same as asking a recovering alcoholic to live in a bar. It's time to lock away the poison! There are plenty of tools that you can deploy on your machines, your tablets, your cell phones, and your routers, so that you can have safeguards in place that will slow you down when you get triggered too deeply. Instead of giving yourself the avenues to a painful relapse, give yourself the security of mind knowing that you won't easily make a costly mistake to your streak by seeing the wrong thing. P images and titillating images all burn into the eye balls. They take a long time to be forgotten to a person trying to break free of the vicious cycle. Give yourself every opportunity to be protected. Install the blockers and add the security levels which will all be an active expression of your commitment to quit. This thread talks about the technologies: https://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/other-porn-blocker-than-k9.61784/ I like K-9, Qustodio, and OpenDNS. But if you read the thread, there is an option there for every scenario.
4. Back away from the electronic devices at the sign of any escalation
If you feel like you are starting the process of trigger or P-sub seeking, immediately turn your machines off and go do something else (preferrably in public). This is on top of having the blockers installed. Why? Because it's a conscious decision you are taking and that decision and action will keep reinforcing your commitment to your subconscious. It's smart to have a plan at hand and recognize when the best decision to protect your streak is to run. I had a coffee shop near my house which I used as my escape location. Having one pre-planned for yourself could prove useful.
5. Remind yourself daily why you are quitting PMO
This can be done by having a list of the reasons printed or written out somewhere you can easily see and read through. I would maybe create an exhaustive list, and then pick out the top five which you feel would motivate you the most to read.
6. Use the power of the Ignore Member feature here on NoFap
Sadly, we can't save everyone and not everyone wants to be saved. Maximize your time on NoFap by putting people on the Ignore list. Reading how frequent others are habitually relapsing might be having a bad affect on you. By putting them on ignore while you are reaching 90, you won't be exposed or influenced by their continued relapses. Have it so that the list you see on a visit to this forum is a list of the people that inspire you, or mirror your desire to move ahead. Limit your exposure to the ones having the most trouble, as you may not be able to help them and their processes might actually be hurting yours.
7. Don't touch your wang, Don't look at it, Pretend it's Not There
It's something you use to piss with, and during pisses, you can use your underwear band to hold it up. Don't look at it, don't fiddle with it, don't pay attention to it when you have morning wood. You and your dick are not on speaking terms and your hands and it are on a long-term timeout.
8. Visualize and physically manifest the days you've earned in real life somehow
Somewhere start creating something tangible that represents the number of days you've accomplished out of the 90. Knots in a rope, dry erase marker markings on the bathroom mirror, cards on a table. This collection is what you are building, and if it exists outside of nofap and in real life, it just makes it that much more real.
9. Continue to build yourself up in other ways
Keep being great to yourself outside the scope of NoFap and the challenge. Get a haircut more often, update your wardrobe in small increments, clean up your place, wash your car every weekend, continue to practice your instruments, go out and make new friends, balance your budget, accomplish new tasks at work.... It all start melding as you do these things and that positive flow will support your streak progression.
10. Tell a friend what is going on and what you are doing
Is there someone you trust that's not family? Anyone a dear friend who shows you love and cares deeply for you that's a man? (Men understand more about this than women). If there is, tell that person that you feel addicted and that you are doing this challenge to help yourself get clean. It's a powerful thing to do and really crossed me over the line towards success. If you don't have a friend like this, consider going to see a priest and just letting them know. Or, last option, see a therapist or a life coach and spill the beans to them.
11. Avoid alcohol and thought-changing drugs (this includes MO)
Stay away from anything that reduces your ability to stay in control of your thoughts and mind. You are on a quest and you need every iota of thought and energy. You have to have control and be constantly careful of avoiding getting triggered. When we're sober, we do this the best.
12. Sleep well, and avoid night-thinking or night-time computer use
At the end of the day, we're at our weakest. Our mind grows tired and requires sleep. Performing actions that can lead to PMO during this time is a bad way to go. So set a bed time and get yourself to sleep at it daily. Proclaim to yourself that you'll make important decisions in the morning when you are most fresh for thought.
And there you have it. Don't forget... Love yourself and be strong. We don't have tomorrow guaranteed, so how do you want to go out if this was your last day on Earth? Be a fighter with strength and strategy. Respect yourself. Win!
I use the forum a lot and noticed a lot of people continuing to fail like I once used to. Here are my top dozen tips for making it through your first, consistent 90 days.
1. Don't continue to question your initial decision to heal
The addict's brain lives in all of us. It will try to be sneaky and have you rationalize or question your choice to go clean. This is because of the chemical addiction. Gretchen Reuben, author of habit-formation self-help books, says people who stick most to their goals are the ones who decide ONCE and then don't waste their mental energy continuing to requestion their decision or purpose. So just make the choice to stop PMO once, and then mindlessly follow through for 90 days ACTING that choice out. It's mundane, yet it'll get you through the challenge and will protect you from the gremlin who whispers in your ear all the lies and falsehoods as to why you should relapse. Don't listen to that gremlin! Remind yourself that you've made the choice already so you don't have to think about it further.
2. Don't jump into the cooking pot: avoid trigger-seeking at ALL costs
So this world is hypersexualized. We are exposed to sexy ads everywhere and there are a million ways companies use enticement to manipulate and seduce our senses. Choosing to abstain and HEAL in a world such as this is no easy thing, so don't make it any harder. Remind yourself that there is a facet of your current being that desperately wants to keep things the way they have been these last few years: miserable but fueling. That facet is the gremlin who is hooked on the dopamine of the urge, the excitement of the search, the constant need for novelty and escalation. That part of your psyche does not care about your greater health. It only cares about feeding. When you intentionally trigger-seek, you are playing with fire and giving that gremlin fuel. You are allowing the urge level to rise to the point of no-return where you toss your noble intention aside for a dirty wad rag. As an addict, there are going to be tricks your brain is going to play on you to try to convince you to peek, test, or play stupid as you put yourself in a bad situation. You know the outcome. Your higher brain knows there are lines best not crossed. Do not cross them or even approach them! Help yourself heal! My motto is "I'm a healing man and I abstain" and this is what I say to myself over and over as a nicer way of telling myself NO. Self-denial leads to self-discipline. Self-discipline leads us to results we end up taking pride in. But we can only get there if we don't trigger seek. If you are tempted to do so, recognize that your are escalating as a reaction to an emotion. Identify that emotion and then practice a new vehicle as a response. Instead of seeking out, seek within. Write in a journal, draw, call a friend, help a neighbor. The more you start redirecting the flow, the easier time you will have with keeping that gremlin asleep (so you can suffocate him to death while he does).
3. Install P blockers so you can have insurance against yourself
Look, I understand the final goal is to have the will power to not expose yourself to P on the Internet without aid and that is a fine goal. But right now, you have to admit to yourself that you are not well. Living at home with a device without a blocker as an addict is the same as asking a recovering alcoholic to live in a bar. It's time to lock away the poison! There are plenty of tools that you can deploy on your machines, your tablets, your cell phones, and your routers, so that you can have safeguards in place that will slow you down when you get triggered too deeply. Instead of giving yourself the avenues to a painful relapse, give yourself the security of mind knowing that you won't easily make a costly mistake to your streak by seeing the wrong thing. P images and titillating images all burn into the eye balls. They take a long time to be forgotten to a person trying to break free of the vicious cycle. Give yourself every opportunity to be protected. Install the blockers and add the security levels which will all be an active expression of your commitment to quit. This thread talks about the technologies: https://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/other-porn-blocker-than-k9.61784/ I like K-9, Qustodio, and OpenDNS. But if you read the thread, there is an option there for every scenario.
4. Back away from the electronic devices at the sign of any escalation
If you feel like you are starting the process of trigger or P-sub seeking, immediately turn your machines off and go do something else (preferrably in public). This is on top of having the blockers installed. Why? Because it's a conscious decision you are taking and that decision and action will keep reinforcing your commitment to your subconscious. It's smart to have a plan at hand and recognize when the best decision to protect your streak is to run. I had a coffee shop near my house which I used as my escape location. Having one pre-planned for yourself could prove useful.
5. Remind yourself daily why you are quitting PMO
This can be done by having a list of the reasons printed or written out somewhere you can easily see and read through. I would maybe create an exhaustive list, and then pick out the top five which you feel would motivate you the most to read.
6. Use the power of the Ignore Member feature here on NoFap
Sadly, we can't save everyone and not everyone wants to be saved. Maximize your time on NoFap by putting people on the Ignore list. Reading how frequent others are habitually relapsing might be having a bad affect on you. By putting them on ignore while you are reaching 90, you won't be exposed or influenced by their continued relapses. Have it so that the list you see on a visit to this forum is a list of the people that inspire you, or mirror your desire to move ahead. Limit your exposure to the ones having the most trouble, as you may not be able to help them and their processes might actually be hurting yours.
7. Don't touch your wang, Don't look at it, Pretend it's Not There
It's something you use to piss with, and during pisses, you can use your underwear band to hold it up. Don't look at it, don't fiddle with it, don't pay attention to it when you have morning wood. You and your dick are not on speaking terms and your hands and it are on a long-term timeout.
8. Visualize and physically manifest the days you've earned in real life somehow
Somewhere start creating something tangible that represents the number of days you've accomplished out of the 90. Knots in a rope, dry erase marker markings on the bathroom mirror, cards on a table. This collection is what you are building, and if it exists outside of nofap and in real life, it just makes it that much more real.
9. Continue to build yourself up in other ways
Keep being great to yourself outside the scope of NoFap and the challenge. Get a haircut more often, update your wardrobe in small increments, clean up your place, wash your car every weekend, continue to practice your instruments, go out and make new friends, balance your budget, accomplish new tasks at work.... It all start melding as you do these things and that positive flow will support your streak progression.
10. Tell a friend what is going on and what you are doing
Is there someone you trust that's not family? Anyone a dear friend who shows you love and cares deeply for you that's a man? (Men understand more about this than women). If there is, tell that person that you feel addicted and that you are doing this challenge to help yourself get clean. It's a powerful thing to do and really crossed me over the line towards success. If you don't have a friend like this, consider going to see a priest and just letting them know. Or, last option, see a therapist or a life coach and spill the beans to them.
11. Avoid alcohol and thought-changing drugs (this includes MO)
Stay away from anything that reduces your ability to stay in control of your thoughts and mind. You are on a quest and you need every iota of thought and energy. You have to have control and be constantly careful of avoiding getting triggered. When we're sober, we do this the best.
12. Sleep well, and avoid night-thinking or night-time computer use
At the end of the day, we're at our weakest. Our mind grows tired and requires sleep. Performing actions that can lead to PMO during this time is a bad way to go. So set a bed time and get yourself to sleep at it daily. Proclaim to yourself that you'll make important decisions in the morning when you are most fresh for thought.
And there you have it. Don't forget... Love yourself and be strong. We don't have tomorrow guaranteed, so how do you want to go out if this was your last day on Earth? Be a fighter with strength and strategy. Respect yourself. Win!
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